You have no idea how much I wish I knew the answer to this question in my 20+ years in the corporate world. In particular when I was managing a team and had to have some difficult conversations. Yikes, I kind of shake my head when I look back. Although, overall, I think I did alright, whoa, with the skills I have now, I could have shown up so much better. When I had to have a tough conversation, all focus was on the other person (obviously) however, no consideration was ever given to "how" I could show up and be my best as well.
When you walk into a difficult situation unprepared, then the way you are feeling and being is going to spread like a bad virus, before you even open your mouth. This was my experience for sure, my state when I walked into the room was immediately picked up by the person across the table from me.
Why am I writing about this now? Well, yesterday was a little ironic for me. There was a rainy, windy storm in the afternoon that left power out, trees down and chairs all over the backyard and I was running an evening event about how to show up as your best self when you need to solve a difficult problem, achieve a complicated task, head into a difficult meeting or maybe even have a difficult conversation with someone you love. You know, things that can get a little messy and it just tweaked something in my brain to say, this would be so useful for others, from the boardroom to the kitchen table.
The point being, that when things get messy, how you show up is integral to achieving what you want. Because, lets face it, what you want matters and, you do not do things in isolation, other people are often involved. To get what you want, you need to be clear on exactly what it is that you want and to connect with those around you, all while ensuring that you are in the best possible headspace to do this.
What do I mean about "showing up"? I practice, teach and coach a state based model for performance. So, what does that mean? Think of it this way, how you are in your thoughts, feelings and physiology at any given time. The combination of these three things will determine your behaviour and in turn, determine the results you are getting in a particular situation. It doesn't have to be something earth shattering either, a conversation with a parent, spouse, child or perhaps with a boss, colleague or subordinate. Anytime you are headed for a situation where you want to be your best, managing how you show up makes a difference in your outcomes.
Practice it long enough and when a storm blows in like it did last night, you will be able to be relaxed and ready to handle it automatically as you have practiced how you want to be.
Sound like something you could use? I run a 90 minute workshop for small groups (12 people max) who are ready to be in charge of how they show up, in a "relaxed and ready" state to handle what life throws at them. Contact me for more information. www.steppingstonecoaching.ca