Unexpected roadblock?

If you're doing anything worthwhile, you will hit a roadblock...or two...it's the price of admission.

It's always about what you do next that matters. Roadblocks...inevitable. Your response...a choice.

It's about getting to the point where you learn to roll with those things, and have a coping mechanism that you can rely on to get you through. Maybe that seems too simple, and if you're not practiced in this, you may be skeptical.

When you do the work to prepare for these things, then you can manage when those roadblocks show up.

What's a roadblock?

It could mean anything...in your work when you feel roadblocked, because you're not making it to that next level; in a relationship that's not going where you thought it should go. Those things. Life.

Roadblocks will never disappear, fortunately, you can prepare so that you are equipped when they do show up.

It's a practice.

Do you ever wonder about those people who seem to be calm, cool and collected, no matter what the scenario is that they may be facing?

They're really no different than you.The number one difference? They have built a toolkit that they can automatically pull out when those situations arise. They get to the point that they're so good at it, that when something happens, they take a moment to get grounded, and then they ask themselves:

What's my next best step?

This isn't magic, this is preparation. This is doing the work and then consistently practicing it so that you're prepared.

This doesn't mean that shit doesn't happen, or that you avoid it. It means that by practicing you have built resilience, and it's this resilience that helps you bounce back sooner than the average individual.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

It always starts with checking in. What's your current default behaviour when you hit a roadblock? 

That's step one.

• Noticing.

  • Without judgment, with curiosity instead.

• And if you're working with curiosity...

  •  Ask yourself, "How would I rather respond" in this situation?

Not a question that you're going to ask in the moment...initially. The act of noticing is a win.

Time and patience...paying attention to when these situations occur. Let's face it...life is always going to provide lots of opportunities for us to practice on. It's practicing how you want to be with so much consistency that when a situation does come up, you're prepared, you're ready.

All of this is possible for anyone. Yes...you too! 

If you're looking for help with this Contact me , let's see how we can link arms and get you showing up and responding in the way you want to.


Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann

Unexpected roadblock?

Illusion or myth? How about both...

Can we talk about the illusion of perfection and the myth that everyone else has it all figured out?

One doesn't exist, and the other is a lie.

The reality...failure and mistakes. This IS the real pathway to growth...not smooth sailing.

The problem...how much meaning is given to the mistakes. Mistakes tend go to your heart, your core. It's easy to let them define you. It's so human. We look for the negative and we give it more attention than the positive. Think about it...media wouldn't survive if the focus was on the good stuff. 

I recently saw a sign on a business that said "Imperfection is a form of freedom"  it really landed with me. When you're free to make mistakes - essentially...be human - there's a liberation that can happen. Are you brave enough to make mistakes?

Freedom comes with accepting this reality and reminding yourself that no one has it all figured out. No one.

This is a myth.

Can we take a moment now to dispel the myth that you're the only one “not in the know?” Here's the thing to remember...no one has it all figured out...even the people that look like they do? They don't. This is what separates us. Looking over there and thinking they know it all, and they're looking over at you thinking the same thing. The illusion and myth do not discriminate. No matter what role you may or may not have. In fact, the higher up the food chain, the more likely you are to think that others in the same place as you have it all figured out.

This is isolating, and it's this myth that keeps us apart. The reality is what can bring us together.

The sooner you give up the illusion of perfection, and the myth that everyone else is in the know, the better off you'll be. The only reality is to progress.

Practice. Fail. Learn. Repeat.

Everyone's doing the best they can with what they have. Everyone.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

How would your perspective change if you aligned yourself with the truth that perfection doesn't exist and that no one has it all figured out?

• What if imperfection was a form of freedom?

  • How would making mistakes change?

• What if instead of assuming everyone else has it all figured out you understood that this is impossible?

  • How would you look at your own shortcomings differently?

• What if you truly have everything you need right here, right now in this moment?

  • What would you notice about yourself that you haven't noticed before?

Let's stand shoulder to shoulder to dispel the illusion and the myth. You're doing great.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann

Illusion or myth? How about both…

Do you need to be in control?

Do you need to be in control?

The topic of conversation that I seem to be having, not only with clients, but with others in my life, and possibly myself...is the idea of control.

Control - "The power to influence or direct people's behaviour or the course of events". One of several definitions out there, and for our purposes, it works.

Control, without a doubt, gives a sense of safety and security. The idea of "being in the driver's seat" and who doesn't want to be in the driver's seat?

Being in the driver's seat is great and...sometimes you're going to find yourself in situations, whether it's at work, home, or in the grocery store, where you want to control what isn't in your span of control.

Those things. It happens.

Making the distinction...is this in my power to manage or not? Knowing this is key. When you understand what's in your span of control, the effect on your stress level becomes much more manageable. Feeling "stressed" about something you can't change isn't useful.

Not sure how to manage?

There's a flow chart I've seen about worry that also nicely addresses the idea of whether you can control a situation or not.

Asking yourself - in this situation, do I have a say in the outcome? Is this in the realm of my control?

If the answer is, yes fantastic, take the action you can.

If the answer is no, find some way to either accept that or find out...is there a way that you can influence the situation?

Spending energy on the things that you can't control is a waste of time and can cause frustration and unnecessary stress. However, there's always something you can do...even if it's changing your attitude about the fact that you aren't in control. Accepting it. Letting go.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

For this week, start to notice when you get those feelings that you have no control, and I say feelings, because there are physical feelings that come up that you may not be aware of. It could be feelings of anxiety, or feelings of anger, whatever those feelings are for you, identify where they're coming up.

Noticing is always the first step.

Then you can ask yourself:

•  In this situation, do I have a say in the outcome? 

  • If the answer is, yes fantastic, take the action you can.

• If the answer is no.
  

  • Either accept that or find out...is there a way that you can influence the situation?

Once you have that information...you get to decide how you want to be in the situation and yeah, you always have a choice.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann

Do you have "spidey" senses?

Do you have "spidey" senses? Yep. You do...we all do.

Whether you call them "spidey" senses or more commonly...instincts, how are you when it comes to noticing them and following their guidance?

Do you trust your instincts?

I'd like to think I do and a recent experience had me questioning myself.

Keeping a long story short, my husband and I were out at a busy food court, and his wallet was pickpocketed right as we sat eating our food. You might be wondering...how the hell did that happen Ann?

How indeed.

Here's the thing, I was feeling off when I saw an interaction happening behind my husband. I don't know if this ever happens to you, but I get kind of jumpy, I knew something was weird, but I couldn't put my finger on it. My spidey senses were on high alert.

It wasn't until, maybe 15 minutes later when we were walking through the mall, my husband put his hand in his pocket and his wallet was missing...I knew right away...that's why I felt off. 20/20 hindsight, right?

So what happened? 

There's so much that can happen in the periphery that we miss. But the body doesn't lie. It's a storehouse of information. It also has super keen senses that we don't even understand. For you...it might be a gut feeling, or a feeling in your heart. 

*Neuroscience tells us that intuition is a very real process where the brain makes use of past experiences, along with internal signals and cues from the environment, to help us make a decision. This decision happens so quickly that it doesn't register with our conscious mind.

The enteric nervous system that regulates our gut is often called the body's “second brain". This extensive network uses the same chemicals and cells as the brain to help us digest and to alert the brain when something is amiss.*

Intuition is sensing something. It’s information.

Is your gut always right? Not necessarily, and still, the information is always worth considering.

If you're not tuning into those senses, you're missing out on a storehouse of information that's there for you to grab, and not all of it is "bad". It can serve as a guide for you. It's a "knowing" but you have to pay attention to it.

So let's check in with you. How are you with trusting your spidey senses?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Pay attention! What are you missing that's just beyond your grasp?

For this week, really start to notice when you get a hit of information just before you're about to make a decision. Apparently that's when your senses kick in...nano seconds before your brain does, and that's truly where the gold is.

That's what confident people are able to tap in to. Learning to question those feelings rather than ruling them out. Treating them as information that's worth considering.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann
*Confidence *Mindset & Performance Coaching

• https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3845678/

Do you have “spidey” senses? Yep. You do…we all do.

Hoping for the best? That’s not a strategy.

Have you ever walked out of a meeting, or maybe more importantly, a conversation with a loved one, and thought...that didn't go how I'd hoped it would.

Here's the thing...hope is not a strategy...preparation is.

Do you relinquish your outcomes to someone or something else and hope for the best?  I get it. The times in my life when things didn’t go so well were definitely those times when I didn’t take the time to get clear about what I wanted. I left things to chance and walked into situations feeling less sure of myself, and, when you’re less sure of yourself, the person in the room who is prepared is going to win. Every. Single. Time. Yikes.

Conversely...

I can definitely trace my successes back to one common thread.  When I was clear about what I wanted...my outcome, and I spent time preparing for it, my successes increased exponentially.  I knew exactly how I was going to show up and trusted that this would influence my outcome, and it definitely did. 

How often do you head into an important meeting (or a conversation with a loved one) where the stakes are high and you hope for the best?

When you don't prepare you're putting your "hopes" of a successful outcome in the hands of the other person…because the truth is, the most prepared person will usually get what they want. Hands down.

Whether it's at work or probably, most importantly, at home...where emotions are involved...and with family...they always are, it's even more critical that you do the preparation.

Plan. Prepare. Practice.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

If you're ready to stop relying on hope to get the outcome you want, here are a couple of tips to get you going.

Before your high stakes, no do-over conversation or meeting do this:

• Plan.

  • Write down your desired outcome, yes write it down "old school" with pen and paper.  This helps to get the learning or in this case the intention in your head.

• Prepare.

  • Visualize the meeting or conversation playing out how you'd like it to go. Make it vivid, put yourself in the place you'll be, what you'll be wearing...the more detail, the better.

• Practice.

  • Repetition is key. The more you practice the more relaxed and ready you'll be for the situation.

Are you ready to move from hope to a strategy? Contact me and together we'll get you prepared.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann
*Confidence *Mindset & Performance Coaching

Hoping for the best? That’s not a strategy.

Do you toot your own horn?

Do you toot your own horn? Probably not nearly enough...

Talking about yourself, the things that you've done well, or you're proud of, can be difficult. Especially if you're female, or in a culture where talking about yourself is frowned upon.

Not comfortable with tooting your own horn? You're limiting yourself. How are others supposed to know what you're good at?

Are you comfortable articulating what you have to offer clearly without feeling "braggy"?

I read somewhere that it's not bragging if it's the truth. It's stating facts.

The mistake that you make is that you assume that others know. They don't.

That's YOUR job!

It's time to lead by example. It's time to talk about what I do really well.

A client starting their third session, said to me, "I've been in therapy, worked with social workers and other professionals, and you've done more to help me in the last two sessions than years of therapy* has".

I was humbled and a little speechless and tucked it away.

Then I started reflecting. "How is everyone else supposed to know all of this if I don't talk about it?" So after nine years as a coach, 4.5 years after authoring my first (of three) books and now facilitating my "Connect to Your Confidence" workshops... I'm ready to say - I'm really good at what I do! and I want you to know that. Gulp.

Now it's your turn...


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

• Start looking for opportunities to share your strengths.

• Stop assuming that others know - start telling them.

• Remember: It's not bragging if it's the truth. It's stating facts.

Writing this felt more than a little uncomfortable, and keeping my offerings to myself isn't helping me or YOU...and ultimately, I want to help YOU.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!
Cheers,

Ann

*Therapy is a useful tool and it is not coaching. Likewise, coaching is a useful tool and is not a substitute for therapy.They can coexist.  

Do you toot your own horn? Probably not nearly enough…

Why do you want that thing?

Why do you want that thing?

Based on the feedback I received...last week's blog* hit a nerve with a few of you. 

If you've figured out what you want...the next question is "Why do you want that thing?"

It's the end of September! In the business world, this signals the start of the last quarter...the final push to hit your targets. 

Think about those things that are on your list of goals that you're not quite achieving, or even getting around to. Here's a chance to check-in and ask yourself some questions with the caveat that, when you're in business working for someone else, there may be less control over what those goals are. 

For now, let this be about your personal goals, those things you're doing for you. Goals that you set at the beginning of the year. Are there some that just aren't happening?

Time for a check-in.

Does your goal have you on the run? It matters.Are you running away from something, or are you running towards something? 

Running away from what you “don’t want’ is not the same as running towards something you want.

When you're “running away” from what you don’t want, there may be some relief, but also an energy of fear and desperation. Most likely, you're in flight, fight or flee mode.

When you're "running towards" something, the energy will feel different. The excitement of possibilities and a fresh start, a chance to learn and grow. 

It's complicated.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

If you're not making progress towards your goal. Ask yourself: Where am I heading right now...towards or away from something?

Here are some tips:

• Stop! Before you go any further, stop.

  • Catch your breath and clear your mind.

• Ask yourself:

  • Is this something I want?

• Think. Be still.
  

  • Take the time to be quiet with your thoughts. Journal if that's your practice.

Take the time to get CLEAR. This will help you to determine your next step.

Looking for clarity? Contact me Two heads are better than one!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann

Why do you want that thing?

This bears repeating...again!

This bears repeating...again.

Start asking for what you want. Not what you don't want!

While recently away on vacation I was in a restaurant where a young family was sitting close by. Over and over again the parents kept repeating to their two children "Don't throw that, don't touch that. Don't don't don't"... This is not a criticism! It's an observation of totally normal behaviour.

Here's the thing about "don't"... because of the way our brains work, we have to think about doing the thing that we're not supposed to do, and then not do it. It's complicated...especially for a kid!

So of course, the kids would do the thing that the parents didn't want them to do!  I had to hold myself back from giving advice. As a parent, I wish I'd known this when I had young kids. When you know better, you do better. I also figured that it was none of my business, they weren't hurting the kids in any way. It just might have made their life easier.

It's human, we tend to react, rather than respond. When we learn to take a pause and breathe, we're more likely to ask for what we want, then to continually ask for what we don't want. 

It takes practice.

This is a reminder for all of us to be cognizant of what we're asking of others when we make a request, and also paying attention to how we're thinking in our own heads. "I don't want, it can't, I never."...make sure that you're careful about how you frame things for yourself. Your brain will look for what you ask it to look for...just like those kids were only doing what their parents were really inadvertently asking them to do...we do the same thing. We constantly mention the things we don't want to have and then are surprised when they show up.

It's simple but not easy.

It's a mindset shift. Changing how you say things, how you ask for things, how you think about things. And it's a practice worth doing.

Skeptical?

That's fine. I love skeptics. I'm probably the most analytical, logical, and skeptical person you'll ever find...and I know one of the functions of the reticular activating system (RAS) in our brain is to turn unconscious thought into consciousness. So what does that mean? You notice and pay attention to things that you give importance to. When you say you don't want something, your brain actually doesn't recognize "don't" it thinks you want it, so it'll find it for you. Ugh.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Are you curious about where your default setting is when it comes to asking for what you want? Are you being clear?

Here are some sneaky ways you may be inadvertently asking for what you don't want...

• Don't forget to pick up the milk (or whatever else it may be!).

• Don't touch the remote. 

• I don't want to be late.

Instead, try these:

• Remember to pick up the milk.

• Put the remote down.

• I'm going to be on time.

You get the idea. Focusing on the action you want versus what you don't want isn't only for kids! It creates clarity for adults too!

Language...a couple of small shifts can make all of the difference. 

Need a default check up of your own? Contact me  you'll be amazed by how a few small tweaks can have an incredibly big effect.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann

This bears repeating...again!

It's hard to say no...and so important!

It's hard to say no...and so important!

You've got a lot on your plate.

Maybe that's a good place to start. Take a moment now and think about everything you've got on your plate.

• Work

• Finances

• Family

• Friends

• Commitments to others.

• Anything else that comes to mind for you.

Did you notice what or rather "who" was missing?

What about you?

• Your wellbeing.

• Your physical health.

• Your mental health.

• Fun and play.

• Relaxing every now and then...

When's the last time you gave yourself a pat on the back? Really! 

Acknowledgment, for where you're at, what it took for you to get there. The celebration. It's easy to acknowledge, and we often do, the things that we did wrong, and then beat ourselves up or look for improvement. But we often forget to celebrate the good things, and bask in that.

It's not your fault. It's built into your DNA to focus on the negative, rush by the positive and keep going... plugging away. Doing. 

Instead of taking a moment to "bask" you're looking for the next thing to achieve, the next thing on your to-do list. The next...the next...the next...and then you realize that you're not satisfied or fulfilled. Ugh.

Saying yes to others and no to you.  This may not even be on your radar screen...you do it so automatically.

And then you wonder why you're burnt out!

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. You're allowed to say no.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

If this is relatable to you, you're not alone. It's time for a reminder about boundaries...one of my  favourite topics. Learning to set healthy boundaries has made a huge difference for me... knowing when to say no. Learning to be in service of me and my needs, and it's a tough one.

Because I'm well aware that I'm not alone* in this one, we're gonna go through it again today. 

Some reminders about boundaries:

• They're not there to keep others out!
  

  • They're there to reduce your stress by giving you a sense of control and freedom over how you live and spend your time.

• Setting healthy boundaries is said to enhance your mental and emotional well-being.
  

  • A benefit everyone could use for sure.

• Setting boundaries is good for you AND the people around you.

  • When you have clear boundaries, others will learn to respect your limits and know what you are and aren't okay with.

• What about the people who don't respect your boundaries?
  

  • Check in...it's probably because they were benefiting from you not having any.

It takes practice and awareness and a willingness to say yes to you first. Not in a selfish way, in a way that helps you show up as your best in this world.

Struggling with personal boundaries? Maybe it's time to Contact me 

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,
Ann

*Yes AMD…this one’s for you!

It’s hard to say no…and so important!

Do you want it to be better?

Why wouldn't you...

Some people just don't want things to be better...and that's okay. Maybe you're one of them?

You may say you want "it" to be better and, at every opportunity you say no to better and yes to the same.

Sound familiar?

I've worked with a lot of people over the past nine years and of course, I've had many conversations with people I don't work with. A funny thing can happen when you gently poke at something - a resistance, a defence mechanism - can sometimes come up when there's an opportunity to change a perspective, or to make something better.

I get it.

Despite there being a sense of dissatisfaction, there's comfort in what you know. It's certainly more comfortable than what you don't know,. Why try to improve a relationship, or any other situation that's not exactly as you would like it, when it's much easier to stay put? The path of least resistance...

There's always a benefit. I get pushback each and every time I ask someone: What's the benefit of staying in this situation? What's the benefit of condoning this behavior? What's the benefit of not speaking up? What's the benefit...because...there is one.

There may be legitimate reasons for why you're staying in a situation. That's what we uncover...when you're willing to go there.

Are you willing to go there?

Changing is difficult and can be confronting, and not just for other people but for you too. Especially when you're saying you're ready to create a better situation for yourself, you're ready to say no, or maybe something else? You're ready to stand up for yourself, you're ready to claim whatever it is you've been hiding from.

What do you want to claim?

Peace of mind, your power, your self esteem, your confidence? I'm sure you could add something here.

It's September...the freshness of a new season is always a good time to consider change.

Just like a tree sheds its leaves every fall.

A tree acknowledges that the leaves were definitely helpful at one time. There was a symbiotic relationship...they served each other...which is a beautiful thing. Come the fall, the leaves are no longer helping the tree, they're actually draining it, so the tree naturally lets them go.

What's something you're ready to let go of?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Think of a situation where you find yourself constantly asking, why am I doing this again? Maybe it's time to answer some tough questions.

• Are you willing to let it go all together?
  

  • This may be too drastic, and worth asking nevertheless.

• If you're not willing to let it go all together, are you willing to modify it so that it serves you better?
  

  • Probably a good first step.

Awareness.

No matter what your answer was, you have a decision to make. With any decision, any change, it starts with one small step.

You can do it, I can help.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Do you want it to be better? Why wouldn’t you…