Is it all about you?

Is it all about you? It's complicated...

It's not about you and it's all about you. It's tricky.

Let's face it when we're in situations we are always looking at it from our own perspective, our own lens, our feelings, our emotions, all of our experiences and thoughts. Of course we are!

Everything comes into play. You can lose track of the fact that in any situation, whether it's with one other person or a room full of people, every single person there is doing the same thing...they're looking at it through the lens of their own thoughts, emotions and experiences. Ah, humans.

You wouldn't be human if you didn't consider a situation from your perspective. However, it can be a bit of a pitfall, especially in situations where someone else may be experiencing something that you know nothing about and you either:

• Look at their behaviours and you make it about you.

  • We've all done that...and it's not useful. Human...and not useful.

• That's when we start to say, if I was in their shoes I'd... 

  • All that sort of stuff that comes out and when you forget that you're not them, they're not you.

• You jump to conclusions...

  • And think you know exactly how to "fix" or advise on the situation.

It's tricky.

Two pieces of advice from the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz that I particularly like and remind myself of.  You may find them helpful as well...

• *Don't make assumptions.

  • "Find the courage to ask questions and to ask for what you really want."

• *Don't take things personally.

  • "Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality."

This reminds us that being curious about getting clear can prevent unnecessary confusion and lowers the natural inclination to think that someone else's situation, behaviour etc. is about you.

Rather than jumping to conclusions, advice or solutions. Ask questions first.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Instead of making it about you...

• Separate your feelings, opinions, judgement etc.

  • Ask yourself: What is it about this situation, person etc. that's bringing up these feelings   opinions etc. in ME.

• When you examine it from this perspective you're probably going to discover that something is bumping up against a value that you hold or an experience you've had..it always circles back to you...of course.

  • Remember, the situation is still not about you. 

• You have to let people be who they're going to be and then you choose how you're going to be. 

  • Simple but not even remotely easy.

Need help managing this...  Contact me 

Cheers,

Ann

Is it all about you?

Everything is temporary...

Everything is temporary......

If you're going through something right now, and it's really crappy...you can trust that eventually you're going to return to your baseline.

Conversely, if you're riding a high and things are amazing, that too will eventually settle down and you'll again return to your baseline.

It's what we do.

The interesting question might be, what's your baseline and why does it matter?

When I'm referring to baseline, I'm talking about your mindset. How you operate pretty much all of the time, how happy you are, how you view your world on a regular Tuesday afternoon. If that's in good shape...then, as you were...if not?

That's where the work begins. Shifting your mindset, because your mindset is the lens that filters your world...creates the reality you experience.

What's your lens like?

There's a term "rose-coloured glasses" for a reason. I'm sure you've met people like that. Everything's always great...unrealistic...but you understand what kind of lens they have. 

And...you've probably met people where everything's doom and gloom. They're always looking for the cloud. Equally unrealistic but also a lens nonetheless.

Let's talk from the perspective of optimism and resilience, which are very much linked to your mindset.

To be clear, being optimistic has nothing to do with "rose coloured" glasses. It's the ability to recognize, especially when things aren't going great, that it will get better, that you have everything you need to ensure that that happens. 

Why does this matter? When shit hits the fan, or when that high lowers, where do you land? What's your baseline?

Mindset shifts. That's what it takes to reframe how you see the world. To alter that lens so that it's not always looking for doom and gloom.

Optimism creates resilience...resilient people are optimistic. Coincidence?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

What IS your baseline...the place you return to after the crap dissipates or the high is done?

• Rose coloured glasses?

• Doom and gloom?

• Somewhere in-between?

Not happy with your baseline?

Here are some small mindset hacks to help you up your game:

• Shift your language.

  • If you find yourself using language like: I never, it always, I can't, it's them...

  • Start noticing.

  • Ask yourself: Is this really true?

• Reframe how you look at things.
  

  • If you tend to look at challenges from the lens of "I can't" ...

  • Start noticing.

  • Instead of saying "I can't" add "yet" to the end of that statement.

• Ask for feedback.

  • If you truly want to change your baseline mindset...

  • Enlist some truth tellers to give you feedback.

  • Be open and receptive.

Shifting your mindset to a more optimistic one is the key to building your resilience. This doesn't mean that "bad" things don't happen...it means that you're able to move through them more quickly. You return to your "baseline" and from that perspective you're able to decide your next best move.

You CAN do it.

Need some help figuring it out? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

Everything is temporary…

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it..."

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it..."  - my Dad and maybe my Mum too!

Are you one of those people who's always getting ahead of yourself?

• Catastrophizing and creating things that aren't even there?

• Looking at the things that can go wrong when you haven't even checked in with the first step?

I remember my father (maybe my mother too?) used to say "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

There's so much wisdom there.

It's not avoidance. It's about staying focused on the current situation so you can effectively manage it, rather than jumping the gun and moving five steps ahead. Yes, by all means plan. Planning matters...but if that planning is causing you undo stress and anxiety it might be the time to check in and ask yourself: 

• What if I waited and crossed that bridge when it happens?

• What energy would it save me now?

• What would I be able to focus on now that matters?

Worth considering? Probably...because that bridge may never come - so be aware but don't over prepare.



Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge... 

Is there a situation right now where you're getting ahead of yourself, catastrophizing and worrying about all of the "things"? Things that you're creating that may never come to pass? Causing yourself undo stress.

• Maybe you're waiting for the result from an exam you just wrote.

• Maybe it's a medical test result.

• It could be waiting for an answer to a favour you've asked that feels big. 

What if you stay the course and then cross that bridge when it came? Because here's the thing that "bridge" - the story you've got going in your head -may never come. 

Have a plan...but don't overplan. No matter what it is...if the bridge comes...remember...you always have options. 


Need some help managing your fear? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it…”

Fear is sneaky...watch out!

Fear is sneaky...watch out!

One of the biggest misconceptions people have about me? They think that because I'm a confidence coach, I never feel fear.

Nothing could be further from the truth! Just a couple of weeks ago, I caught myself getting ready to let fear stop me from doing something.  Busted.

Thankfully I was in conversation with my coach when I had the epiphany that I was letting fear take charge of a situation. I called it out...phew...it was a close call.

I'm not immune to this very normal response and it's these experiences that make me relatable.  I really do get you.

So let's unpack some facts on fear...

• Fear is a natural "alarm bell" that your brain rings any time you want to make a change...because it's wired that way. 

• As long as we still have our natural response system complete with our amygdala...fear is something we have to learn to accept and work with.

• It's always gonna magnify what could go wrong and minimize what could go right.

When I think of my own fear, I treat it like a gateway... a check in point...it's usually a sign that that I'm on to something worthwhile. When I take this perspective, it actually excites me. It opens up my curiosity rather than immediately vetoing something because I'm afraid...because, let's face it, if you're about to embark on something new, it should make you feel a little bit scared. It's normal.

Non-scientific example of what happens in that head of yours...

You: I'm going to start something new!
Your brain: I'm going to put an alarm bell on that, to ensure that you start to second-guess, overthink and hopefully remain status quo. 

Ooh, lies.

Yes, the reason I'm a confidence coach is because I know how sneaky fear is and I know that it has the ability to limit your potential IF you let it take over.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge... 

Is there a situation you're in right now where fear is driving the bus? Or maybe you can think of a previous situation where fear took over.

• Fear is a natural "alarm bell" that your brain rings any time you want to make a change...because it's wired that way. 

  • Recognize this and understand that the quickest way to quell fear is first, to acknowledge it and then take action.

• As long as we still have our natural response system complete with our amygdala...fear is something we have to learn to accept.

  • As I was recently reminded...it's really uncomfortable AND it's a liar. Call it out!

• Fear is always gonna magnify what could go wrong and minimize what can go right.

  • It's our brain's way of saying I want to keep you alive and safe. 

When you understand this you will recognize when fear is trying to take the wheel...and learn to take it back.

Just because you feel fear doesn't mean you're not capable. It makes you human.  Let that sink in.

Need some help managing your fear? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

Fear is sneaky…watch out!

What kind of breadcrumb trail are you leaving?

Do you ever wonder what kind of breadcrumb trail you're leaving? 

As Maya Angelou the American memoirist, poet, and civil rights activist famously said.  'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

No matter what lens you're looking from...your work, as a parent, partner, sibling, friend, influencer etc. Pick one and ask yourself...What kind of bread crumb trail am I leaving here?

It matters.

No matter what you do, intentionally or not, you are leaving an impression on those around you. Some might call it your reputation...your character...a demonstration of your values. When you look behind you, what do you see?

We all know that it really doesn't matter a rat's ass what someone says. What really matters is what they do, how they show up. Are their actions matching their words? That's the proof right there. The impact. The trail.

It's about integrity. 

What have you been modelling? What kind of legacy do you want to leave? You're already doing it.

It's not how you show up when things are good. It’s how you manage yourself when things aren't good...when you're angry, frustrated, disappointed, it's all those things...that become a part of your trail.

When you reflect now, are you proud? Embarrassed? Humble? Disappointed?

It's information.

At any given point, you can switch direction, you can change something. If you're not happy with how it is. You can start to drop different breadcrumbs. Right now.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge... 


Not sure what kind of trail you're leaving behind?

• They say how we do one thing is how we do everything so pick one particular area of your life that you're curious about and then recruit some truth tellers.

• Keep in mind that your friends aren't always your truth tellers and your truth tellers aren't always your friends.

• Who do you need to reach out to to get the most useful feedback?

An exercise worth doing.

Need some help figuring it out? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

What kind of breadcrumb trail are you leaving?

It's all about timing...isn't it?

Right timing? It feels different.

Yes, timing matters. Doing things now, taking steps especially when it's something you really want. When you feel overwhelmed by the entire process, taking one step is all it takes to get things going. It starts the ball rolling.

Right timing?

Right timing is being able to say no to something so that something else becomes possible. It's also being able to say maybe. Not ruling things out.

I often use the "Is it a hell yes?" litmus test when it comes to decisions... and recently...I shifted gears...

If it's not a "Hell No" then maybe...it's a maybe.

Cracking the door open, taking a peek.  Not necessarily committing and not ruling out either.

Options.

Imagine the first step is putting the key in the lock...it's cracking the door open...and open is the word here, because it's all about being open. 

There are always options.

• Take the step.
  

  • Let's say you don't like where it looks like it's heading.

  • So you take a step back and here's the big thing...by taking that one step, by dipping your toe in... you've changed. Even though it might have been small, it's the fact that you took a chance, gave it a whirl.

You come back as a slightly different person. Something's shifted.

• Take the step.
  

  • This time you're like, yeah, yeah, I think I want to go more here.

  • Guess what? You can take another equally small step, just like that, because it's the incremental change that leads to the transformation.

Cracking the door open is the first step...being open to possibilities.

Right timing...not perfectly calculated timing.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

You know what I'm gonna tell you, if you're in a situation where you're hesitating to take a step towards something you really want and you don't want to wake up regretting it one day...then take the damn step!

But this isn't about that, this is about the serendipitous thing that presents itself and causes you to think hmmmm. Something not even remotely on your radar...and then it is.

An unexpected curve ball...but not in the typical way you might view curveballs. Maybe it's an unexpected opportunity?

Check in.

It may not be a hell yes, or a hell no. Suddenly...it's a maybe.

Something worth considering. Right timing...

Need some help figuring it out? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

Do you have it all figured out? I hope not...

Do you have it all figured out?

I hope not...because it's the figuring out that gives purpose and meaning...the struggle and striving that drives you forward. It's not the final result. Yes, there's immense satisfaction and it deserves savouring and celebration but when someone is asked about that "thing" chances are high that they're going to tell you a story about all of the obstacles that they managed to overcome to achieve that thing. The figuring it out part.

You're not meant to have it all figured out.

What about those people who seem to have it all figured out? Let's be clear...they don't. No one does. Trust that they're trying to figure something out too. 

Not all things you have to figure out are going to be things you expect or want.They could be frustrating, make you angry, or incredibly sad...life's going to throw you a curve ball every now and then. Yet, every single one of them has a message embedded in it for you, something to help you grow. It's about taking the time to figure it out, learn the lesson, and move forward.

That's why it's called growth.

If there's something you're trying to figure out right now and you wish it was just done, this may be the time to take a pause and ask yourself, "what am I supposed to be learning right now"? You may very well find that the answer to this question helps you find the solution to figuring that thing out.

Allow your curiosity to lead the way.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Think of a current situation where you're trying to figure something out but drawing a blank. Often, a useful way to figure something out is to reflect back on a previous experience that you figured out and to draw on that experience.

As you reflect back on that previous situation, consider these questions:

• How did you approach that challenge?
  

  • Sometimes the eureka moment comes when you're about to give up.

  • Try stepping back to just before you figured it out to pick up some useful information.

• What showed up in you?
  

  • What skills, strengths or capabilities did you notice you have that you didn't realize you had? Those things.

  • How could these apply to your current situation?

• What did you learn about you?
  

  • Maybe it was something that you wanted to work on...a new skill you wanted to develop.

  • Or, maybe you recognized a pattern of behaviour that you wanted to address. 

How does remembering a previous situation help you with figuring out this situation? There's definitely information  there for you if you look closely.

What if you looked at figuring this out as a puzzle where you have all of the pieces, you just have to take the time to put them together. You've figured things out before...you can do it again!

Need some help figuring it out? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

What if you "just did it"?

You know what I love about Nike's tagline..."Just do it"?

The simplicity and lack of ambiguity. There's no hesitation there. The concept of "just doing it" opens up so many possibilities and can close down so many behaviours that stop you from "doing it"!

What can it stop?

• Procrastination.

• Overthinking.

• Self-doubt.

If you act quickly...it shuts down that part of your brain that likes to tell you why you can't do something and allows your prefrontal cortex to kick in.It has to be quick.That's the point. "Just do it!"

What does it open up?

• The willingness to take a leap...the nudge to jump and trust that the net's going to be there. 

• That sense of bubbling in your stomach or wherever it is for you when you feel excitement and then  the elation of "Whoa... I just did that!" Those opportunities.

...and it doesn't have to be massive. That's the thing we tend to forget...it's often the smallest of steps that can interrupt the pattern of overthinking, procrastination and self-doubt long enough to get started. And that's where momentum comes from. Taking the first shaky step and succeeding.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Get honest with yourself.

• What's something that's been floating around that you've been thinking about, thinking about and thinking about some more? 

• What if today was the day that you decided you were gonna take the "Nike" approach? You're gonna just do it. Take a bite sized piece of that thing and get going.

Here's a reminder: The time's going to pass whether you do something or not…that’s just how it works. When you look back, do you really want to be thinking - Oh I wish I'd done that thing? 

No one's immune to overthinking, procrastination and self-doubt from time to time. Try not to linger there.

Remember:

You don't have to have the whole plan laid out. Take the first step and allow the next one to show up.

What's that famous quote by Lao Tzu? “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

There's a reason it's famous...because it's true.

So what one step are you going to commit to today? "Just do it!"

Ready to take your first step? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

What if you “just did it?”

Trusting the process is easy...

Trusting the process is easy when it's going well, isn't it?

Smooth sailing, everything's working out the way you planned or maybe even better than you imagined.

Then the rug gets pulled out from under you. You get side-swiped, blindsided, and all of a sudden...the process isn't as fun or as easy as it was.

What do you do now?

Get some perspective.

Remember that every day you get to:

• Complain or be grateful.

• Blame others or take responsibility.

• Feed your fears or feed your dreams

• Give up or keep trying.

• Think of the worst or think of the best.

Resilience. Optimism. Hope.

Think about the end game...where you're heading. Is it worth this blip?

Allow yourself to take a moment to reflect: How will this lead you to your next step? Because it will if you keep going.

Sometimes a trip up is exactly what you need to take a moment...check-in on where you're at and decide...do you stay the course or do you change the course? It's a reminder that yes, where you're heading is where you want to go...but are you pursuing it in the most effective way?

Think of this blip as a "weigh station" where you get a chance to decide how you want to proceed. Often when you stumble over something...you actually stumble over something  - a new idea or insight that's way more useful than what you were planning on doing.

So yes, trust the process. All of it.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...
 
Think of something right now that you're working through where you've set up a plan, but it doesn't seem to be working out. Consider this an opportunity to check-in. Maybe this is your blip, so to speak...to get you to rethink how you're approaching that thing... your "weigh station".

Ask yourself these questions:

• What is this experience trying to teach me?

• What lesson do I need to learn before I can move forward?

• Is this an opportunity to change direction...to modify my map?

• Or is this just a moment to take a break, reflect, and then get back to it?

This doesn't have to be complicated...because if you still want that thing, you can amend the process. Remember, there's more than one way to get there.

Ready to take your next step? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

Trusting the process is easy…when it’s going your way.

Do you really know yourself?

Do you know yourself? Think again...

Most of us walk around thinking just that...I know myself. Who I am. My impact on others and the world.

Do you?

In order to know yourself, you need other people. Other people to show you the blind spots you have and, before you jump to conclusions...I'm referring to the good ones. The skills, strengths or capabilities you have that you can't see...or the way you light up a room and leave people feeling seen and heard. Those things.

And, in order to fully appreciate who you are, the impact you're having, you also need to see the things that may be limiting you...at work, in relationships, in situations. It matters if you care about being the person you think you are.

What can you do?

Get. A. Coach!

What are some of the benefits for you?

Clarity.

There's nothing like an unbiased party whose only job is to help you get clarity. On what? That thing you've been wanting or trying to nail and you're not quite there. Even if you don't know what it is yet, you will discover it...guaranteed. 
 
Perspective.

In order to know ourselves, we need others. Coaches provide an unbiased perspective. We help you uncover blind spots, recognize patterns of behaviour, and develop a deeper understanding of yourself. We hear you, without an agenda other than to let you hear yourself. Or, often, we let you know the themes that are coming up for you so you can explore them. This awareness is crucial if you truly want to make meaningful changes. 
 
 
Increased Confidence and Resilience.

Working with a coach empowers you to tackle challenges with a positive mindset and develop resilience when faced with setbacks. This can help you build confidence in your abilities and cultivate a more proactive approach to overcoming obstacles.
 
 
Support.

A coach provides a supportive environment where you feel encouraged and motivated...but don't interpret that as rah rah rah...yes we'll celebrate your wins, help you navigate setbacks, and ensure you stay resilient during challenging times...and also provoke you to think differently by challenging your mindset, your default settings so to speak.
 
Important Reminder.

Your truth tellers aren't always your friends and your friends aren't always your truth tellers. You need both. If you're serious about showing up without leaving a trail of breadcrumbs no one wants to follow, then perhaps it's time to invest in yourself.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...
 
Before you hire me or any other coach, here are three prerequisites for a successful engagement:

• You're ready.

  • It's your idea, not someone else's plan for you.

• You're willing.

  • Coaching isn't all puppies and rainbows...you have to be ready to bump up against some challenges.

• We're a fit.

  • I can't reiterate this one enough. There are 1000's of coaches out there with the experience, credentials etc. but...if the chemistry isn't there...

Want to see if we're a fit? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

Do you really know yourself?