What's the benefit of that thing you repeatedly do?
This is probably the most difficult thing that my clients (and myself!) are asked to do when they are spinning in a pattern of behaviours that isn't getting them the results they want.
Finding the benefit.
This question can be confronting for sure especially when you’re looking outside of yourself to find the reasons for the things you do or don’t do. Often the answers are just out of your grasp and with work, you can find them.
I feel you…I've been you... and as humans we don't repetitively do something that doesn't give us some kind of benefit. The key is when you find it, you can look at different ways of getting that benefit, different ways that may open up new opportunities for you rather than keeping you stuck.
Here's the catch… you have to do the work. There's no way of avoiding it. Looking for someone else to give you the answers would be so much easier wouldn’t it!? It might help temporarily and, because they’re not your answers, you will eventually end up right back where you are. Stuck in the old pattern of behaviour.
Whatever it is underneath that's guiding your behaviours....that's the ticket. Once you figure that out you can actually start to take real action to make changes...if that's what you want.
Like anything, noticing is the first step...the epiphany. What you do next is up to you. Are you going to stay stuck where you are with this new knowledge or are you going to take a step?
You can keep running or you can stop and take a pause and decide:
That you're going to learn...but you're not going to marinate in it.
You're going to reflect...but you're not going to let it define you.
You can move forward with the knowledge and choose your next step carefully.
Are you ready?
Let's get to it...
Your challenge...
Habits are strong. Yes, continuous behaviours are habits too. You have to find the benefit of doing what you're currently doing...or not doing. There's always a benefit. Humans don't do something repeatedly without a benefit.
Let's say that the behaviour that's getting in the way of doing what you say you want to do is people pleasing.
Ask yourself:
What are the benefits of people pleasing? Yes...there are benefits. For example, you avoid confrontation or keep the peace.
Now ask yourself:
How else could I get these benefits? It may take time, and you can learn skills to get what you want without confrontation. I think they're called boundaries...
See what comes up for you.
Take an example of your own behaviour and ask yourself these questions.
What else may help?
What's your "why" for addressing this behaviour?
Make sure it's yours. Not something someone else thinks you should do. Your "why” is what will pull you forward. You need to remember why you want to make this change.
Make sure you have a strategy in place for when things get difficult.
It could be as simple as saying: If xxx happens, then I will do yyy - and practicing it so you're ready when the time comes.
Be consistent. Be persistent. The key to success is in taking small steps daily.
Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!
Warmly,
Ann
What’s the benefit of that thing you repeatedly do??