This bears repeating...again.
Start asking for what you want. Not what you don't want!
While recently away on vacation I was in a restaurant where a young family was sitting close by. Over and over again the parents kept repeating to their two children "Don't throw that, don't touch that. Don't don't don't"... This is not a criticism! It's an observation of totally normal behaviour.
Here's the thing about "don't"... because of the way our brains work, we have to think about doing the thing that we're not supposed to do, and then not do it. It's complicated...especially for a kid!
So of course, the kids would do the thing that the parents didn't want them to do! I had to hold myself back from giving advice. As a parent, I wish I'd known this when I had young kids. When you know better, you do better. I also figured that it was none of my business, they weren't hurting the kids in any way. It just might have made their life easier.
It's human, we tend to react, rather than respond. When we learn to take a pause and breathe, we're more likely to ask for what we want, then to continually ask for what we don't want.
It takes practice.
This is a reminder for all of us to be cognizant of what we're asking of others when we make a request, and also paying attention to how we're thinking in our own heads. "I don't want, it can't, I never."...make sure that you're careful about how you frame things for yourself. Your brain will look for what you ask it to look for...just like those kids were only doing what their parents were really inadvertently asking them to do...we do the same thing. We constantly mention the things we don't want to have and then are surprised when they show up.
It's simple but not easy.
It's a mindset shift. Changing how you say things, how you ask for things, how you think about things. And it's a practice worth doing.
Skeptical?
That's fine. I love skeptics. I'm probably the most analytical, logical, and skeptical person you'll ever find...and I know one of the functions of the reticular activating system (RAS) in our brain is to turn unconscious thought into consciousness. So what does that mean? You notice and pay attention to things that you give importance to. When you say you don't want something, your brain actually doesn't recognize "don't" it thinks you want it, so it'll find it for you. Ugh.
Are you ready?
Let's get to it...
Your challenge...
Are you curious about where your default setting is when it comes to asking for what you want? Are you being clear?
Here are some sneaky ways you may be inadvertently asking for what you don't want...
Don't forget to pick up the milk (or whatever else it may be!).
Don't touch the remote.
I don't want to be late.
Instead, try these:
Remember to pick up the milk.
Put the remote down.
I'm going to be on time.
You get the idea. Focusing on the action you want versus what you don't want isn't only for kids! It creates clarity for adults too!
Language...a couple of small shifts can make all of the difference.
Need a default check up of your own? Contact me you'll be amazed by how a few small tweaks can have an incredibly big effect.
Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!
Cheers,
Ann
This bears repeating...again!