Sometimes the wind gets knocked out of you...

You're going to get the wind knocked out of you...then what?

I bet every single one of you reading this understands what 'getting the wind knocked out of you' feels like. It's literally that moment when you can't breathe and everything stops. Maybe you get light headed and then...you come around and you think "whoa what just happened?".

I just had the wind knocked out of me and I'm not going to go into to the details here but I will share some insights about what it feels like and how you have to kind of stand up...brush yourself off and check in.

What exactly do you check?

• You check all the "things"...physically head to toe...you check for damage.

  • Are you breathing?

  • Any broken bones?

But what sometimes gets missed...is checking on your insides…your heart. How's it doing?

Life isn't for the faint of heart. You're going to get knocked down and you're going to get back up again...eventually.

It's respecting the process.

Understanding what getting up looks like for you...versus what it  looks like for someone else...because it's going to be entirely different. Makes sense. We're all different. So as I catch my breath and brush myself off, I wanted to remind you: If you've had the wind knocked out of you, take a moment...catch your breath...take inventory...and then take the next best step.

What does this have to do with confidence?

I don't know...maybe nothing. But it has a hell of a lot to do with being human.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


If you've had the wind knocked out of you, here are some suggestions:

• Before you attempt to get up:

  • Stop. Take a breath. Check for damage, and then ask yourself - What do I need right now?

• Then stand up and ask for it.

  • Asking and receiving is actually what a confident person does, because they know sometimes others have exactly what they need. There it is...the link to confidence...maybe a bit lame but for this week..it's all I've got.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Sometimes the wind gets knocked out of you…then what?

Are you at a standstill? Great!

Being at a standstill typically has a negative connotation. It's associated with being stuck, not knowing which direction to go, or waiting for the next thing that hasn't come up yet... It's the complete opposite of "busy".

What I've learned, is that a standstill is a chance to stop...take a breath... and reflect on how far you've come.

A "weigh station" of sorts. A moment in time to let life, learning...everything ...catch up to you.

To observe rather than "do".

A chance to integrate all of your learning and doing and recognizing how far you are now. Taking that breath...that moment.

How about you?

Are you good at "doing"? I bet you are!  The society we live in applauds doing and achieving. It's a badge of a honour.  Look how busy I am... I must be important or more probably, if you're not busy then you're clearly not doing enough. 

Maybe it's time to debunk the busyness myth and take some time to just be.

If you never take a moment to reflect, you're missing out on the joy of celebrating your progress and learning...

Especially if you've been working on growing your confidence. Stopping to check in, to notice how far you've come. It's funny how competence can creep up that way. That moment when you realize that you're automatically doing that thing you used to try so hard to do! There's nothing like competence to build your confidence!  When you're feeling completely competent, you're automatically trusting yourself and your skills...it doesn't even cross your mind. That's confidence...a nice by-product of competence.

You know what else you can see by reflecting? Certainty...the thing that can only be seen in the rear view mirror. Seeing the many steps that came before that moment of recognition, the moment that you realize the training wheels are off and you didn't even notice.

How did that happen!? 


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

What if you took some time to plan a stand still and look back at how far you've come? Especially if you're hesitating right now about something in the future you'd like to do but you're not sure how to get going.

A "planned" stand still is the perfect way to pause, reflect and remember the skills you used to get going in other situations. You can forget that you know how to do things. How to get going. You wouldn't be where you are now if you hadn't taken those historical steps, would you?

Planned standstill:

• Think of a specific situation in the past where getting started was a challenge for you.

• Take some time to trace back your steps to the very first one.

• What had to happen for you to take that step? Frustration? Readiness? Curiosity? Boredom? Something else?

• There's information here for you. How could this information be helpful to you now?

That's the gift of a planned standstill...getting information to help you here and now.

There's a Chinese proverb that says "The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step." attributed to Lao Tzu++  and nothing could be more true. Having the confidence to take that first step can be life changing. The cool thing is that the first step doesn't have to be a huge thing...you just have to start!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Are you at a standstill? Great!

Break this habit and watch your confidence soar!

Do I have your attention?

This is a reminder, especially to my women friends and colleagues...

There's one habit you may have that's undermining your perceived level of competence and confidence.

What's the habit I'm referring to?

The habit of constantly apologizing...saying sorry for things you have no reason to be apologizing for.

Sound familiar? You're definitely not alone, which is why I felt compelled to write another blog on the topic...sadly...it's necessary!

I'm on a little bit of a mission here...ask anyone who hangs out with me... I'm asking people to stop apologizing to me when they've done nothing wrong and raising awareness of my cause...one sorry at a time!

Why does this matter so much to me? As a woman and a Women's Confidence Coach in particular, I know the unconscious repercussions of constantly apologizing unnecessarily. 


What happens when you apologize all the time?

• Others automatically think you've done something wrong. So there's blame associated to you. It's that quick. Even if you've done nothing wrong!

• Others feel responsible for "fixing" the situation. Oh...that's okay etc.

• Your "perceived" competence is undermined and it really doesn't help you to feel confident if you're constantly saying sorry.

If you're a woman you're more likely to apologize and..if you also happen to be Canadian...it's a part of the culture!

So what are you supposed to do?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Here are some tips to help you gradually break this habit.

• Tip number one which is the tip I like to offer for changing any habit, is noticing. 

  • Noticing whenever you're saying sorry for no reason. It starts there.

Now you're noticing then what?

• Pause:

  • When you're about to apologize, pause and take a breath.

  • Here's the thing, taking a breath may seem long to you but not to anyone else and this is accessible to everyone...all of the time...you just have to remember to do it!

• Running late?

  • Stifle the urge to say sorry which puts others in the position of reassuring you...

  • Try saying: Thank you for your patience.

• Don't want to attend your friend's dog's birthday party?

  • Instead of making up excuses try: I'm unable to attend, thank you for your understanding.

When you stop saying sorry all of the time you're going to notice:

• Others are going to start responding to you differently…in a good way!

• You’re going to be perceived as more confident.

• With time and practice, you're naturally going to start feeling more confident! 

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Break this habit and watch your confidence soar!

And then...the penny dropped...

When the penny drops...that moment...kind of like an epiphany. When things settle in and you realize "I've got this". That moment.

It could be the realization that:

• Everything you've been working for has arrived and you kind of forgot to notice it.
  

  • It just suddenly crept up.

• You're done and it's time to do something about it.

  • Sometimes you're done with settling for something and ready to take some action.

• In order to get what you want you're going to have to start doing something differently.

  • Yep, different results require different actions.

That moment that becomes a place for recognition, acknowledgment and often, action. As a coach I'm privileged to witness these moments with my clients quite regularly. Usually there's silence often followed by a rush of emotion.

It's a landing of sorts...an understanding.

No matter the response, a "penny drop"  moment is so powerful...when all of the dots suddenly seem to connect.  The sum of all of the small actions taken over time. The certainty that only comes with the gift of 20/20 hindsight. Where you realize that everything was necessary and part of something bigger.The transformation that happens through consistent and persistent action. Never giving up, putting in the hours and trusting the process. All of that. That's what goes into building the skillset of confidence.

Confidence is knowing that you can trust your instincts, no second guessing. Having enough competence to reliably trust your skills. 

It's easy to be confident when you've put in the time and are now proficient in a skill.  That's what time and effort do.

What do you do in the meantime? 

Is it time for your own "penny drop moment"?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Being told that you just need to practice often isn't exactly what someone's looking for. Wanting to feel confident and not knowing where to start is common and...be assured, you CAN tap into existing confidence and use it elsewhere.

Curious?  Maybe it's time to have a chat...

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

And then…the penny dropped…

Are you going to fit in or stand out?

What if you weren't meant to fit in? What if you were meant to stand up and shine? What would change for you?

That's a question, isn't it?  Or a few...

What if you're supposed to be the one blazing the trail and leaving breadcrumbs for the people behind you?

So many questions!  Do you have the answers?

If you're not feeling confident then often the thing that can pop up is "Who do you think you are"? Why should someone listen to you or want to follow in your footsteps? All of the bullsh*t that comes up...when you start questioning yourself...deciding that good enough just isn't good enough anymore. That's when you can expect all of the "things" to show up...the voices in your head, the old mindset that you know so well, and let's not forget the biggie...FEAR.

It goes back to playing small and let's face it, it's the most polite thing to do...right?! Don't get too big for your britches now eh? What the heck are "britches" anyway LOL?!

What if you wanna get too big for your britches? Now what?

What if you're ready to get out of those britches and step into something else?! It can be freaking scary and yet...you know that nothing great or earth-shattering comes from your comfort zone... from the  place of having it all figured out. Autopilot. Cozy, comfy...yawn. Nothing ever comes out of that. Sorry, folks...did I just say folks? How old am I!? Old enough to realize that this is true: The 'same old, same old' will give you the 'same old, same old'.

This is something I regularly come across, and not just with the people I coach...it comes up all of the time..people wanting something different and being afraid to do what needs to be done to have something different. Humans are complicated!

Unfortunately...when it comes to building your confidence, you can't build it by dreaming about it or wishing for it...it takes work.

It takes work that may be uncomfortable at times. Let's be clear, if you're someone who always lets someone else run the show...and suddenly you decide that now's the time that you're going to show up, be prepared! Expect there to be a few ruffled feathers out there! And...that's okay!

Really. That's okay because at the end of the day, you're accountable for you...accountable for the choices you make, and yes, you have many choices!  It's just that staying with the safe choices seems so much easier and more comfortable, doesn't it?

Is it time to call out your sh*t?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Time for some exploration.

• Where are you standing on the sidelines...watching when you could be captain of the team?

  • Safely giving the commentary but not picking up the torch that you know you're ready to hold.

• What's the dream that you have that you're too afraid to pursue because you'll suddenly be in the spotlight?

  • Your dreams are there for a reason, they're what can pull you forward and give you purpose and here's the rub, you're not necessarily supposed to achieve them. It's about who you become while you're going after them.  That's where the gold is.

• Fast forward even just 5 years.

  • From this vantage point, what will you regret not doing? Ya, that thing. Now...what's one minuscule step you can take today to move you towards that thing? Do that. 

Are you ready to claim the thing that you are meant to be doing...to stand up and shine? I've got your back...let's go!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Are you going to fit in or stand out?

You're only as strong as your weakest link...

I was doing a stretch after a workout the other day and the person leading the stretch experience said how important stretching was because "you're only as strong as your weakest link". You're probably scratching your head thinking...okay what the heck does this have to do with confidence?

I don't know...something popped that made me think this has a lot to do with confidence...

The links, the other components that may not seem that important. Those things. The things that hold the bigger structure together and give it backbone and flexibility. 

The foundation:

• Mindset.
  

  • Knowing that you can change the way you look at things.

• Trusting yourself.
  

  • Learning to discern your own voice amongst the din in your head.

• Your ability to take action when you feel fear.
  

  • Wanting to freeze and doing it anyway.

These are the key ingredients for "The Confidence Recipe" http://tinyurl.com/5n6m7uf6 and...there are the other components that go into the mix as well. The things that are easy to overlook and miss if you're not paying attention.

The other things that can easily slip and result in:

• Unclear boundaries.

• Needing validation.

• Self doubt.

These are the things that can creep in and sabotage the bigger ones. The more subtle things that feed into your mindset, your self trust, and your propensity to take action.  The supporting actors so to speak.

This is a check up for you to see where you are right now...to see if anything’s slipping…


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Take a moment now to check in with ...


Boundaries:

• How are you doing with setting and maintaining boundaries?
  

  • Remember that boundaries aren't for keeping people out... but for you to protect what matters to you, what's important to you, and keep that IN.

  • They're completely about you...

  • And, in case you've forgotten...  "The only people that will be upset about your boundaries are those that benefited from you having none!"... that's always a mic drop moment for me.

External validation:

• Seeking external validation?
  

  • Notice when you fall into this behavior...who exactly are you seeking validation from?

  • What is it about their validation that matters for you?

  • Would you want to switch places with them? Something to ponder.

Self-doubt:

• What are some of the causes?
  

  • Over thinking. 

  • Unrealistic expectations.

  • Perfection.

All of these lead to inaction and a lack of progression in building confidence.

Do you need a "confidence" check up?  Contact me and learn how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

You’re only as strong as your weakest link…

Here's some advice...

Stop giving advice!  Unless...

Has this ever happened to you? You're in the middle of a situation and maybe you want advice and maybe, more times, what you want is an ear...someone to listen, hold space...without vomiting advice all over you. Which, let's face it, is a completely human thing to do! But not always helpful. Take a read and then check out the one simple thing (okay...maybe it's advice) you can do to truly "help" someone...

There are definitely pros and cons here...it's complicated...

There are advantages to getting advice. Perhaps you don't have to solve your problem which can sound really attractive if you're in the middle of something and you're struggling to find a resolution. Boom....someone's fixed it...off you go.  It also makes the advice giver feel pretty important too!  And if things go south? You've got someone else to blame. Sounds like a pretty good deal doesn't it?

But wait...what are the potential pitfalls here? Well, first and foremost...that solution isn't yours and because the solution isn't yours...there's no ownership. If things go south...you're back to square one. Back with a problem that needs to be solved!

What would happen if you went to someone with a problem and they just listened attentively...and you felt it? 

Whether you're a boss, a partner, parent, friend or colleague...listen up! 

It's amazing what can happen when you allow someone to speak without interruption. As they unravel the situation out loud you'll notice that many times they discover their own solution.

What's the benefit of that? This may be underestimated. 

It's THEIR solution so they own it and are more likely to act on it.

It's theirs...whether it works or not, it's either a lesson or a victory for them.  An important step in building confidence and learning to trust oneself.

AND...having said all of this...sometimes people DO want advice!

What are you supposed to do?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


The next time someone comes to you with a problem, whether it's an employee, child, partner, colleague etc. Instead of jumping to advise them (totally human by the way) try this instead:

• Stop.

  • Take a breath and then...

• ASK them:

  • Do you want my advice...or do you want me to listen?

Watch some magic happen. Sometimes all it takes is a silent audience to help someone to come to their own conclusions!

When you give space for someone to talk things out you're helping them more than you think. You're helping them to build their own confidence and trust in themselves, because ultimately...everyone really does have all the skills, strengths and capabilities they need.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me  I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Here’s some advice…STOP giving advice…

Is it a setback or...

Is it a setback or a setup?

Let's face it... setbacks are a part of life. Whether it's in a relationship; with your job; your health...with anything that's a part of your life...setbacks can happen. Often when we look back at the setbacks in our lives, or the things that we defined as setbacks, retrospectively, they were actually setting us up for the next thing that we needed to be ready for. They were the nudge that made us take the other fork in the road, maybe kept us longer in one position than we thought we would stay, or conversely got us out of something more quickly than we thought we would.

The gift of 20/20 hindsight is that it tells you...'oh yeah, that was meant to happen, that's why I'm where I am today'.

It's safe to say: Things don't always work out how you may want them to. Just when you thought you were over yet another hump, another one showed up. A setback. 

It's easy in the moment to find the challenges in a setback - "You're so done, if this wasn't happening you'd… You'd rather be…or you wish…etc."

Cue the 20/20 hindsight.  Wouldn't it be so useful if you could magically look ahead and check your rearview mirror? From this vantage point what might you see?  Often, with hindsight, a "setback" is  what became the setup. A "stepping stone" of sorts.  It's usually not obvious in the moment, that's why hindsight seems to be the key. When you're in the thick of the forest it's hard to see actual trees.

There's usually some wisdom to be gained from looking at how you've managed setbacks in the past.  Looking back can be useful because... you made it through. You can see how the setback paved the way for something else. It's about who you became as a result.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

If you're in the middle of what feels like a setback now, here's a way to get some perspective on it.

Think of a setback you had in the past that you now believe was actually a setup for something that wouldn't have been possible otherwise.

• As you do, notice what things looked like through your eyes at the time.

• If someone else was in this situation, how would they describe it?

• If you backup a bit more, what might an onlooker have said about this situation?

• If it was a story or someone was writing a blog about it, what would it say?

Get up and go for a walk or just stretch and move for a couple of minutes or so.

Now think about something you're currently facing that feels like a setback.

• Think about the situation from your perspective.

• How might someone else who's involved in this situation describe it?

• Back it up further and notice how a bystander might describe it.

• If you look ahead a few years, how would you describe this situation to someone else?

Sometimes, a setback is an opportunity to progress and grow elsewhere. The opening for the next thing you're meant to be doing, having or being.

When it comes to growing your confidence there's no exception, especially when the setbacks may seem to happen more often than you'd like. They really are the building blocks you require to grow your confidence.  And like any other perceived setback...you'll eventually be able to see clearly from the rearview mirror how all the pieces came into place. 

100% certainty on anything is only guaranteed in the rearview mirror...

Keep going...you've got this!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me  I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Is it a setback or a setup?

What's the benefit of that thing you repeatedly do?

What's the benefit of that thing you repeatedly do? 

This is probably the most difficult thing that my clients (and myself!) are asked to do when they are spinning in a pattern of behaviours that isn't getting them the results they want. 

Finding the benefit.


This question can be confronting for sure especially when you’re looking outside of yourself to find the reasons for the things you do or don’t do.  Often the answers are just out of your grasp and with work, you can find them.

I feel you…I've been you... and as humans we don't repetitively do something that doesn't give us some kind of benefit. The key is when you find it, you can look at different ways of getting that benefit, different ways that may open up new opportunities for you rather than keeping you stuck.

Here's the catch… you have to do the work. There's no way of avoiding it. Looking for someone else to give you the answers would be so much easier wouldn’t it!?  It might help temporarily and, because they’re not your answers, you will eventually end up right back where you are. Stuck in the old pattern of behaviour.

Whatever it is underneath that's guiding your behaviours....that's the ticket. Once you figure that out you can actually start to take real action to make changes...if that's what you want.

Like anything, noticing is the first step...the epiphany. What you do next is up to you. Are you going to stay stuck where you are with this new knowledge or are you going to take a step?

You can keep running or you can stop and take a pause and decide:

• That you're going to learn...but you're not going to marinate in it.

• You're going to reflect...but you're not going to let it define you.

You can move forward with the knowledge and choose your next step carefully.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Habits are strong.  Yes, continuous behaviours are habits too. You have to find the benefit of doing what you're currently doing...or not doing.  There's always a benefit. Humans don't do something repeatedly without a benefit.

Let's say that the behaviour that's getting in the way of doing what you say you want to do is people pleasing. 

• Ask yourself:

  • What are the benefits of people pleasing?  Yes...there are benefits. For example, you avoid confrontation or keep the peace.

• Now ask yourself:

  • How else could I get these benefits?  It may take time, and you can learn skills to get what you want without confrontation.  I think they're called boundaries...

  • See what comes up for you. 

Take an example of your own behaviour and ask yourself these questions.

What else may help?

• What's your "why" for addressing this behaviour?

  • Make sure it's yours. Not something someone else thinks you should do. Your "why” is what will pull you forward. You need to remember why you want to make this change.

• Make sure you have a strategy in place for when things get difficult.

  • It could be as simple as saying: If xxx happens, then I will do yyy - and practicing it so you're ready when the time comes.

Be consistent. Be persistent. The key to success is in taking small steps daily.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me  I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

What’s the benefit of that thing you repeatedly do??

I've got nothing...again...

Oh, I've been trying and I know that that never bodes well...efforting.  Trying to muscle through. Forcing. All of this doesn't work for me. How about you? 

It happens...

What's cool about it this time?  I can see the pattern now. The pattern that has repeated itself for many, and I mean many years now!!

The ebb and the flow, the ease and effort, and then? The dip. The empty space in between. I'm not a fan of this part, although I absolutely recognize it as part of my process. Ugh...

My third book "The Confidence Recipe"  http://tinyurl.com/5n6m7uf6 was recently published.  You would think that I'd be over the moon. I'm happy about it for sure. The accomplishment. The final product.

And, like most people? The achievement isn't the prize.

What do I mean by this?

It's the climb to the mountain top. The path taken that scrapes your knees and grows you in ways you wouldn't have grown otherwise. The process, the journey, whatever you may call it. Once you're at the top? You look around and then...

For me? I start looking for the next thing and feel anxious if I can't see it right away.  Maybe you can relate?

What do you do?

I've decided that today I'm giving myself some grace. Answering a question from a  page out of my own book...it's definitely easier said than done, and yet it's necessary. To pause, reflect and savour.

Grace...allowing yourself some time before you jump to the next thing.

Where could you use some grace today? Where could you slow down and savour where you are, right here, right now?

To be okay with doing absolutely nothing. To phone it in. To take a break.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Find a situation where you're just not feeling it. You know what it is.Then...give yourself some grace.  Ask yourself:

• Will pushing harder help?

• If I take a break, what will happen?

• What if I slow down and savour where I am, right here, right now?

My guess is, the world won't fall apart!

Give yourself some grace...see you next week!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me  I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

I’ve got nothing…again…