Is it all about you? It's complicated...
It's not about you and it's all about you. It's tricky.
Let's face it when we're in situations we are always looking at it from our own perspective, our own lens, our feelings, our emotions, all of our experiences and thoughts. Of course we are!
Everything comes into play. You can lose track of the fact that in any situation, whether it's with one other person or a room full of people, every single person there is doing the same thing...they're looking at it through the lens of their own thoughts, emotions and experiences. Ah, humans.
You wouldn't be human if you didn't consider a situation from your perspective. However, it can be a bit of a pitfall, especially in situations where someone else may be experiencing something that you know nothing about and you either:
Look at their behaviours and you make it about you.
We've all done that...and it's not useful. Human...and not useful.
That's when we start to say, if I was in their shoes I'd...
All that sort of stuff that comes out and when you forget that you're not them, they're not you.
You jump to conclusions...
And think you know exactly how to "fix" or advise on the situation.
It's tricky.
Two pieces of advice from the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz that I particularly like and remind myself of. You may find them helpful as well...
*Don't make assumptions.
"Find the courage to ask questions and to ask for what you really want."
*Don't take things personally.
"Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality."
This reminds us that being curious about getting clear can prevent unnecessary confusion and lowers the natural inclination to think that someone else's situation, behaviour etc. is about you.
Rather than jumping to conclusions, advice or solutions. Ask questions first.
Are you ready?
Let's get to it...
Your challenge...
Instead of making it about you...
Separate your feelings, opinions, judgement etc.
Ask yourself: What is it about this situation, person etc. that's bringing up these feelings opinions etc. in ME.
When you examine it from this perspective you're probably going to discover that something is bumping up against a value that you hold or an experience you've had..it always circles back to you...of course.
Remember, the situation is still not about you.
You have to let people be who they're going to be and then you choose how you're going to be.
Simple but not even remotely easy.
Need help managing this... Contact me
Cheers,
Ann
Is it all about you?