Sounds like a weird question and this confidence-building business...it can get messy. That's because building confidence isn't a linear process. It's more like the jagged line you see in an ECG. Ups and downs...that's what it's like because it's not a one-and-done, every situation is going to present different challenges.
What can you learn to do? Embrace the messiness. That's a big request considering that one of your basic human needs is for comfort and safety. That's literally, it. We want to stay in our comfort zone and be safe. Growing your confidence means you actually can't stay in your comfort zone so you're naturally going to feel a little fear (aka unsafe).
What can you do? How do you overcome your need for safety and comfort in service of growing your confidence?
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself:
What am I afraid of?
Not surprisingly the things that you may be afraid of are things like:
Embarrassment - what are they going to think?
Failure or, not doing it "right".
Being seen.
What's the best thing that could happen here?
Not the usual question that you tend to ask, is it? Often you're looking for the worst-case scenario. That's because humans are wired to look for the negative. It even sounds like we're being smart.
What's one tiny step I can take now to grow my confidence?
It could be the tiniest thing: reaching out to a friend to ask for a referral or sending an email. Picking up the phone, posting a video.
...and still, it will get messy and that's okay! It's in the mess and the muck that you'll find your true confidence - what it is for you. It's different for everyone.
The mistake we often make? Comparing our inside feelings to somebody else's outside behaviour. Spoiler alert...Just because someone holds it together doesn't mean that their insides aren't quivering! Confidence is acknowledging the quivering and taking courageous steps.
It's different for everyone... however, at the start, it's always a bit messy because confidence comes with trying something and experiencing failure and fear and making mistakes. Usually repeatedly. Until you don't.
Speaking from experience... it gets easier. It's also a continuous work in progress. Eventually, the time from feeling those feelings, asking the questions, and taking action gets shorter and shorter.
Ready to explore?
Let’s get to it…
Your challenge…
Think of one place in your life right now where you'd like to feel more confident and then ask yourself:
What am I afraid of?
Embarrassment, failure, not doing it right, being seen.
All of those things. When in fact if you allow yourself to take a chance and do something? You're shining a light for someone else, you're leaving a breadcrumb trail for someone else to follow.
What's the best thing that could happen here?
Why this question rather than the usual one? Because you tend to notice and focus on those things that can go wrong naturally, you don't need any help doing that! When you're looking for the best that could happen you may be more likely to focus on the wins than the losses.
What's one tiny step I can take now to grow my confidence?
Why the tiny step? It's manageable, doable, and retractable. Let's say you take that tiny step and you're not happy with it. Easy! You can step back. No harm, no foul. Except...by taking that step you've proved to yourself that you are willing to and CAN take a step. And, what if you just happen to be happy with it? You can build upon it by taking another, tiny step. This is how transformation can happen. This is how you grow confidence.
These are little ways to quiet things in your head and help to grow your confidence.
You're gonna mess up. Growing confidence isn't neat and clean...it's messy. It means trying something, falling on your knees, getting back up, and trying again...it's a process. I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you...you've got this!
Ready to get messy?! Contact me Let's play a bit in the muck!
Warmly,
Ann
Is it time to get messy?