While letting go of unrealistic expectations and judgement is key to growing a skill, there's another, often sneaky, perhaps surprising thing to consider.
Time to dig deep here...let's talk beliefs. When it comes to letting go...this one's a doozy.
Beliefs. How deep are your beliefs? Very. The thing about beliefs is, we tend to categorize them. We say that some beliefs are good, or bad, or there are "limiting beliefs". The fact of the matter is all beliefs are limiting...good, bad, or otherwise. Maybe read that again. That's their job. They act as filters to your world and that's pretty useful, you need to have something to believe in and follow. They tend to narrow your perspective and keep some information out, usually information that doesn't support them, they're sneaky that way.
We usually don't question them unless we come to a crossroads, perhaps where the beliefs that we have are bumping up against something that we want. That's usually when the questioning begins. This can feel really uncomfortable because if you believed in something, a concept, or an idea and all of a sudden you're questioning it, it can be really confronting.
Beliefs create stability for us, they form our foundation. Your beliefs have been planted over time right from the minute you entered this world, planted...not vicariously but they're planted, sometimes unconsciously by your environment or the early models you had in your life. As humans, we adapt. If you want to be part of the club you have to assimilate and that's useful for sure. This is not about throwing all your beliefs out the window rather, start noticing which are the ones that aren't useful when you're embarking on something new. Growth and change are going to rattle those beliefs sometimes and that's the time to ask yourself: Is this belief still useful for me? Listen to the whisper.
For example, if your belief is that it's your job to "keep the peace", then "rocking the boat" for your growth is going to feel super uncomfortable.
What can help here?
Find the benefit.
There's always a benefit to doing something over time.
In this instance? There probably was a time when, due to the circumstances, you thought it was your job to keep everyone happy at home. This automatically spilled over to your friendships, romantic relationships, work, etc. The benefit to you? You were accepted because you were easy to be around. You did whatever it took to make things smooth and easy for everyone else. Ultimately you received the approval that we as human beings seek and desire because of our tribal feeling of needing to belong.
At what cost?
Oh, there's a cost.
Keeping the peace means you're never fully being yourself. You're always on guard, watching for the reaction of others and ignoring your own needs, and boundaries? Ummm...nil. Not even on the radar screen for you. This belief created a certain behaviour over time. The lines got really blurry about whose job was whose. Peacekeeping. If your belief is that your job is to 'keep the peace' the question you might want to ask yourself is "Whose peace am I keeping"?
Are you ready?
Let’s get to it…
Your challenge…
If you're wondering how this relates to growing a skill, let's keep on pulling that thread of the belief that you have to keep the peace.
Keeping the peace means you're less likely to ask the tough questions because "rocking the boat" may be controversial. However, when you're learning a new skill it's necessary to get curious and ask questions and want to know more and maybe push some boundaries. Poke at what you're being taught.
If you're too concerned with keeping the peace it's going to get in the way of you growing that new skill.
If keeping the peace doesn't resonate for you then insert your own current belief that you're bumping up against and get curious about it. Dig deep. Beliefs don't have to be carved in stone, you're growing and learning all of the time. Find the benefits then notice the costs. Is it still worth holding on to?
When a belief becomes a roadblock to your desired growth, maybe it's time to let it go.
I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me Let's play a bit in the muck!
Warmly,
Ann
Time to dig deep…let’s talk beliefs…