How are you doing with letting go? This is so tricky to master and when you do, so liberating.
A couple of weeks* ago we looked at four things that can stand in the way of you growing a new skill. Things that you need to let go of in order to move forward. Turns out that letting go is a skill all by itself!
These are the things that came up.
Judgement
Expectations
Beliefs
Impatience
After I did my little informal survey l received a couple of messages about the other strong culprit that you can have a hard time letting go of. Drum roll please... judgement ooh, so relatable that I wanted to give this some air time too. Judgement and unrealistic expectations are so closely intertwined.
Judgement.
Worrying about what others may be thinking about you and what you're up to. Putting too much importance on what others think is natural, as humans we like our tribe and we want to stay connected to them. It's part of our DNA.
In long-ago times, what your tribe thought about you and what you were up to was critical to your survival. If you were ousted, it meant certain death, probably via sabre-tooth tiger. Yikes! That's no longer true at all and yet it can still feel that way. Hence the reason we put so much weight on what others may be thinking about what we're doing.
Worrying too much about others' opinions, essentially seeking the approval of others, can lead to self-doubt. Who has time for that!!? Especially considering that others are doing the same thing you're doing. They're worried about you judging them too! So they're not particularly paying attention to where you're at at all. Seriously.
But what's the harshest judgement you'll probably come up against? Yours.
You're biased. You're too close to your situation and you probably have unrealistic expectations and maybe some old beliefs that aren't true anymore.
As a reminder, realistic expectations happen when:
You start with a plan.
You start where YOU are.
You ask for help.
You take time to look back and reflect on your progress.
All of those elements help manage expectations and you know what else they're going to do? They're going to help you with the judgement that comes up because when your expectations are more realistic, your judgement can decrease.
Are you ready?
Let’s get to it…
Your challenge…
How do you let go of your judgement when you're learning a new skill?
Let's talk about self-judgement.
Most people are harder on themselves than anyone else ever would be. Next time you're coming down on yourself for not being as far along as you think you should be, try this: Imagine that you have a really good friend going through the same situation. What would you say to them?
Reflection.
As with expectations, it's important to reflect as you go along and check in. If you notice you're starting to say "I shoulda, woulda, coulda." Stop. Ask yourself. Am I being realistic?
When it comes to judgement, instead of beating yourself up, ask for feedback.
Ask someone who's been there but is just a few steps ahead of you to give you feedback. Be careful who you ask. Remember that your friends aren't always your truth-tellers and your truth-tellers aren't always your friends. This is where a trusted mentor can be really useful.
Normalize self-compassion and patience.
Have a realistic benchmark. Social media exaggerates progress and achievement. That's not the real world. Find somebody who you can model who's doing what you're aspiring to do and connect with them.
Remember that discomfort comes with newness. It's part of the learning process. You've got this!
I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me Let's play a bit in the muck!
Warmly,
Ann
And the toughest judge is…You!