How solid is your foundation?

Tips for finding some comfort and control in your world right now...

 "If the foundation is solid, when the storm hits, the building may sway ...but it will not fall"

What is your "foundation" made of? Is it made of sand or cement? It matters. When you have a solid foundation, you are able to weather storms and stay standing. When you don't? That's when the inevitable storms we are faced with may come along and knock you over.

Resilient people tend to have solid foundations. One of the traits of a resilient person is their mindset. It tends to be positive and it matters. Especially during the "storms".

Here are some suggestions for building your resilience during these uncertain times.

Own the first five to ten (more if possible) minutes of your day:

• Start with 4 - 6 deep purposeful      breaths while you are in bed and perhaps think of one thing you are grateful for, even if it is the pillow you slept on. Little things.

• Resist the urge to reach for your phone for as long as possible knowing that whatever is there will still be there in a half hour.

Create a routine:

Routines aren't just for babies and toddlers. Whether you are home alone or with a spouse and children, more and more people are working from home right now and based on the phone calls and emails I have been getting, it may be useful to define a "temporary" routine. Why is a routine important? Think about a baby or toddler. One of the most common routines for a small child is the bedtime routine: a bath, maybe some warm milk and a story. This routine signals that bedtime is coming and it is comforting to know what is happening. Adults are no different. Routines bring comfort or maybe more accurately, a sense of control. Some tips: be flexible, especially if you have kids (no matter what their age may be!!) at home. They are adapting too and may require your attention at times when you may not want to be distracted. Remember, this is a "temporary" situation and perhaps look at these distractions as opportunities. Set boundaries between "work time" and
"home time", it is very easy to get caught up in work when you are not physically leaving a work space and commuting. Build in proper breaks and move!

You have choices. (remember those?):

One thing we have a choice over, always, is our attitude, our mindset. A positive mindset - this is one of the traits of a resilient person. Resilience. The ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. The
ability to step back and see the bigger picture and pivot in situations.

How can you shift your mindset to build your resilience? A “bite sized” approach seems to work.  One thought or question at a time to provoke how you may feel or think about something. Questioning what you believe to be true, because our “beliefs” even the good ones, can limit what we allow in. Just take that in for a second.  Taking a moment to ask, is this really true?  Is there another way I could look at this? Over time, I have witnessed transformational change in attitudes and outlooks by adopting this approach. It’s possible. Promise.

And finally, think about the "breadcrumb trail" that you are leaving right now:

When we eventually arrive at our new "normal" and you take a look back, how do you hope that others will describe how you showed up during this time? For me? I am hoping that my behaviour will be described as: kind, level-headed and compassionate. How about you? Take a moment to reflect.

Stay well.

Are you ready to face the music?

Ummm….are you ever ready?

"Facing the music". I'm guessing that your initial reaction to this may not be exactly what I am writing about today.
Typically when you "face the music" you have made a mistake and now you have to fess up and make it right. Not usually a comfortable thing and necessary all the same.
This is not the case here. Facing the music here is about putting yourself out there and letting yourself be vulnerable and I'm talking wide open.
I am about to release my first book. There, I said it. Some of you may be aware of this and for others it is the first time you are reading about it. And let me tell you, I AM SCARED. Every possible alarm bell is going off in my head. It kind of feels like stepping in front of an audience with no clothes on and being okay with it. (Not that I have ever done that!) Putting myself out there like this feels vulnerable and it is. I've heard that you are supposed to "feel the fear and do it anyway". Who came up with that saying? When you read it it seems so easy and there is nothing easy about it at all!. Yet it is a given. I don't have to tell you. Anytime we are ready to do something that we haven't done before, the "holy s**t" factor kicks in.
I take a break and walk away from this post. My son comes home while I am taking my "break". I tell him that I feel like I am going to have a panic attack. I am experiencing fluttering in my chest and butterflies in my stomach and my voice is quivering. I can see the concern cross over his face and then he asks why. I tell him I am scared. I am putting myself out there and it feels scary. He looks a little relieved and then tells me "that's not scary, that's exciting". Boom. I stop in my tracks, nice reframe. Feeling scared or anxious to do something actually feels physiologically the same as excitement. The fluttering heart and butterflies in the stomach that I get when I am nervous is the same feeling as when I am excited for something. I relax. I've got this.
I look across the table and start to smile - Courage Over Fear. Mindset as a Choice. Trust Yourself. These are my words. The sections of my book. Putting them in action is far more challenging than writing them down, that's for sure. And I know that I've got this. I know that by putting myself out there I am setting myself up for the inevitable feedback and criticism - that's what I mean by facing the music - opening myself up so that people will be allowed to have an opinion.
I give my head a shake. This IS who I am. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Pretty much how I roll and I have to remind myself, yes, this IS how you roll and you know it isn't easy but that is who you are. A badass trailblazer and being a badass does not mean you don't feel fear and vulnerability. It just means you allow the feelings, acknowledge them and then do it anyway. No regrets. Because I didn't come here to play it safe. I came here to live. One life. One kick at the can.

Is it time to take the leap?

Notice that I didn't ask if you were "ready" to take the leap? That was intentional because if you are like many people (myself included) the answer can always be no. Not yet. Not ready. I still have to... fill in the blank here.
I was recently asked if my blogs are about me. There are two answers or maybe more to that question. 100% there are some that I will come right out and say they are about me. The others? Well, I think I am writing them randomly however "I" am writing them so there's that.
This one was inspired when I was out for a walk this morning and saw something that made me smile and then it made me think and I like thinking.
There was a squirrel making its way down the slope of a very steep roof. It was impressive. But what impressed me even more was when it got to the edge of the roof and with zero hesitation, jumped towards a snow covered branch on a nearby evergreen tree. As it landed, the branch bounced up and down for a moment and then it steadied as did the squirrel.
Wow! Was it dumb luck or did the squirrel just trust that it had the skills to do what it needed to do? Maybe a bit of both?
I'm thinking there was a little bit of a message in it for me (thank you universe) and maybe you will find a message that you need as well.
Here's what I got from it:

• timing is everything

• there is definitely a requirement to have some sort of skill level

• going with instincts IS sometimes the way to go

Lets look at the first one - "timing is everything" . I am going to counter that with the idea that there is probably never precisely a "right" time unless you are in the circus and someone is supposed to catch you when you fly on the trapeze or other situations like that! However, in many situations, there isn't a life or death component where the timing has to be bang on. For these situations, usually ones where it involves making a decision to take action, the timing isn't as critical and that in and of itself is what may make it so difficult. Not being time bound leaves lots of time for fear and self doubt to creep in.
Next, lets look at skill level: Think of the squirrel, I'm pretty sure it didn't know how to jump with such agility from day one. It probably took time, watching Mom and Dad perhaps and then modelling their behaviour to acquire the skill. One thing I'm guessing is certain is that when the squirrel decided to take the leap it wasn't doubting itself or its skills, it just did it. I witnessed a successful jump and most likely there was a time when the squirrel fanned on the jump and fell a few branches. That's how we learn. That's how we get the skills. Guess and test. Try and try again. If you're anything like me, you usually over estimate how much skill you need to get started. The fact of the matter is, starting is the key to gaining traction and experience.
And finally - going with your instincts. This is one that many of us have squashed over time. The voice in our heads or more likely in our hearts and guts, that gives us a nudge. I am a logical thinker who is becoming a "nudge seeker". I am paying more and more attention to the inner voice and taking action. It usually makes my heart race and my palms sweaty and I do it anyway. I have learned that the "repercussions" I make up in my head never really come to pass. I either land on the branch or tumble a few branches down. Either way. I did something. I took a leap and that is one thing that I NEVER regret.
So how about you?
Is there a leap that you have been waiting to take? Every leap starts with one small action and a willingness to fall.

Saying goodbye to 2019....

I wrote this on New Year’s Eve…still early enough in the year to do this exercise….

It is New Year's Eve and the countdown is on. This one in particular seems to be holding a lot of weight...it introduces a new decade! So exciting. I love this time of year. Rather than making resolutions, I prefer to take some time to reflect on the year that was. The highs, lows, successes and failures. All of it. This is what informs the creation of my vision for the next year. Choices. I have a good feeling about 2020.
How about you? Do you have a special way to mark the end of the year? Do you have a ritual for planning the next year?
New beginnings, cleaning the slate, starting over...just a few of the ways some people refer to a New Year. While cleaning the slate and "starting fresh" may sound attractive I like to look at the end of the year and the approaching New Year in a way that encompasses what is already there and where the gaps are for me.
I'd like to offer this quick practice that I have been doing over the last several years, it doesn't take a lot of time and you may be surprised by what pops up for you. The key here is to let what bubbles up be the answer, no second guessing... trust your brain! Then get curious after. Feel free to grab a piece of paper and something to write with if you wish.

• What do I want to leave behind?

What better time than the end of a year/decade to ask yourself this question? We carry so many things with us year over year maybe it is time to leave behind the excuses that are keeping you stuck in a holding pattern. Perhaps it is a relationship you have outgrown, a habit or feeling that you are done with or even a tangible "thing"? Just notice what comes to mind for you.

• What do I want to keep?

I am guessing that there are many things you may want to keep. While setting new goals is always exciting, it is important to remember what you already have that is pretty great. Relationships, health, friendships, work, useful practices that you do etc. or maybe a new relationship (friend, partner, business associate etc.) or a new habit that you started in 2019 that has been useful for you.

• What do I want to add or have more of in 2020?

While "adding" always sounds good, you may already have some things in your life that you just want more of - family and friend time; "me" time. Or maybe you want to start a new thing? Maybe it is about having more choices in a current situation. Whatever surfaces for you, take note.

This will be the fourth year that I do this exercise and I am always intrigued by what comes up for me. Gives me food for thought - which is the point, by the way....to get you thinking. No matter what surfaces for you, I do hope that it is useful and maybe even enlightening.

What do you do when the lost luggage shows up?

I remember being on a business trip to the UK a few years back. As I stood near the baggage pickup and waited, my heart started to sink further and further as the thwap thwap of the conveyor belt got louder and the conveyor belt got emptier. I knew it probably wasn't a good sign. My bag didn't end up being on it. I had heard of this happening, yikes...now what? I was lucky, travelling business class maybe, I don't know but my luggage was tracked down in Sweden and showed up later that evening where I was staying...phew! I didn't have to go out and get any new clothes, toiletries etc. I was able to keep everything just as it was. I was relieved.
We all know that this isn't always the way it goes. Often "baggage" gets inadvertently lost and we forget about it. Time passes, life moves on and then? The call comes from the airport telling you "Surprise! Good news, we found your lost luggage"! Now what? I'm guessing that initially there would be a tremendous amount of excitement. It has been years now, how is this possible? It was so long ago, is it even worth picking up? What do you do? Leave it at the airport? Unlikely. If you're anything like me, your curiosity alone would be enough to go get it.
Then what?
You get the luggage home and stare at it in disbelief...how is this even possible? I thought this stuff was gone forever! You open up the suitcase and a flood of experiences come tumbling out with all of the paraphernalia you had packed. Stuff you had completely forgotten about. You rummage through and pick up a couple of things and are surprised by what pops up for you as look at each item. Each piece brings up a vivid memory. Some really good and some, hmmm maybe not so much. I wore that?!!
This is where a decision has to be made.
Do you take the entire contents of the suitcase and dump it back into your closet and drawers and act like it all belongs there again? I'm guessing probably not the best idea. Think about it. Some of the clothes may not fit anymore or your sense of fashion has changed. Quite likely that the toiletries are all dried up by now too and useless.
I'm thinking that maybe sifting through what is there may be useful. You may find a couple of items that you realize you could use again now and integrate them back into your wardrobe. And the others? Maybe toss them out. After all, you haven't really missed them after this long so maybe they aren't useful anymore. Regardless, just because the suitcase showed up doesn't mean you have to go on the same trip again. It just means you have some old stuff that may be useful and some you are ready to let go of.
What will you do when your lost luggage shows up?

Is it your turn yet?

Are you waiting for a nudge?

Are you waiting for someone to indicate to you that now, right now...it is your turn? Sounds unlikely, yet I can tell you, it is more common than you might think. People thinking that there has to be a certain sequence of events before they can do **insert activity here**. Is this true? Maybe?
This whole idea of "waiting your turn" starts way back. If you didn't experience that concept at home, you most certainly learned it as soon as you went to some sort of "school" for the first time, and it made sense for sure. Can you imagine a bunch of small humans running around doing what they please, jumping over each other to be 'first" all the time? Chaos. Utter chaos. I'm guessing that it was a "conditioning of necessity".
If you are reading this, I am guessing that you aren't in JK anymore? Chances are, you are a fully functioning adult; maybe with a job, a partner, possibly children, pets etc. And, you have taken the whole "wait your turn" philosophy into your adult life. I hear it all the time. Everywhere. Reasons why people come last on their list of priorities, worn as if it is some sort of medal, yet, there is also a sense of loss. What do I mean? Loss of oneself. In the midst of responsibilities and life, somewhere along the way, they got lost. To the point of having to get reacquainted with themselves. I'm waiting until....I will do something nice for myself when...as if there will be a magic moment "when" your time has come, "your turn". As if someone else is responsible for nudging us to let us know when it is "our turn".
I have some news that you may not want to hear here. It is highly unlikely that someone is going to walk up to you and say hey "insert your name here" its your turn now. You're up next.
Taking your turn, actually making it to the top of your "to do" list is NOT selfish. It is called self care and like the popular analogy of putting your own oxygen mask on before someone else's, you first, means that you are good to go.
It is ensuring that you will be able to show up as your best when the time comes.
Still not convinced? Then maybe ask yourself this question "what am I getting out of putting myself on the backburner"? I know, yikes. Maybe just wonder for a moment....

Are you in a funk?

So, you’re in a funk…now what?

Full disclosure here, I've been in a creative "funk" lately. I can't seem to come up with an idea to save my life! Then it dawned on me. I have been wallowing in this whole I can't come up with an idea, I've got nothing to say/write so much so that I have essentially created a creative funk!
"Wallow" has many meanings, including "staying in a situation or state without trying to change". Hey, I have nothing against wallowing at all for sure! It can serve a purpose. For me? It has been providing a reason for not putting something out there, it has also become a subject of conversation and a reason to not take my laptop out. On the other hand, It has started to become a bit of a thorn in my side and like any irritation, I have decided it is time to do something about it!
So, how does one get out of a funk?
Probably the first thing is to actually realize that you are in one.
Next - start to ask yourself, what do I want to do about it? Seem like a silly question? Like I mentioned above, sometimes wallowing in a funk is providing a benefit that you are finding useful. Fair enough, then don't do anything about it yet.
However, if, like me, and you decide that you have had enough of it you will probably notice an instant change. A decision to move forward from the funk alone becomes your "first step". That step (just one) starts to spark some energy. So, this short blog is exactly that, my step to get out of the funk.
Why did I share this with you? Because I know 100% that I am not alone when it comes to getting in a funk and I wanted to demonstrate that by taking one little step, you can start getting out of the funk and moving forward. It works! One baby step. Walking the talk. This is what I recommend to ALL of my clients who are working towards changes in their lives. Take the first step. I guarantee, others will follow!

Have you lost your sense of wonder?

What would you do if you didn't know what you knew?

Sounds a little bit like a line from a Doctor Suess book doesn't it?
Let that question sink in. "What would you do if you didn't know what you knew"?
For me, the answer is, I would be more open. Open to new information, opinions, options and discussion.
I have embarked on a learning path for the fall of 2019 and the idea of "not knowing what I know" or as some people call it, "beginner's mind" is an element that I had lost track of. Interestingly, or was it serendipity, I had an interaction last week that reminded me of the absolute playfulness of wonder and curiosity.
Being Open.
I am walking in my neighbourhood and for some reason, I decide to completely change the route I had planned on taking. When I am almost home, I notice in the distance a woman with a stroller and a dog. As I get closer I realize that it is a woman - lets call her Mandy- who I had met last summer when she was very visibly pregnant. Now, here she was with one year old "Josh" and her dog, Buster. I stop to chat and am immediately drawn to Josh's quiet yet enthusiastic need to know what everything is. At just one year old, he points to school buses, cars, birds, people, the trees...you name it. He is so curious about everything that is going on around him. Taking everything in. Like a sponge and not disregarding anything either, every bus was noticed as was every bird etc.
He seemed to have no preconceived notions of what things were or should be, he just took it all in. Data, information. The joy on his face each time he noticed something definitely left an impression on me.
So, what does this have to do with you? I don't know. I am guessing that maybe one or two of you reading this may be considered an "expert" in your field. You know, the one that others turn to when they need answers. Whether that "field" is at home or in the space you happen to work or volunteer in. I've heard that when we think we know something, we can miss the opportunity to learn something new about it. Thinking we "know it all" can leave no space for something new to come in. So what is one to do? Hmmm...lets see. Maybe, the next time you get in that situation (we all do) where you think you know all there is to know about something, pause. Take a moment and ask yourself, "what if I didn't know what I knew"? What would be different now? And just see what pops. You may be surprised...

Are you going to "thrive" or are you going to "survive"?

There is no “right” or “wrong” answer. Just perspective…

"Survive" is not a bad thing at all, in fact, I highly recommend it! For me (and maybe in some dictionary definitions) it also suggests "pulling through" or to "remain in existence. All good and...
"Thrive"? Thrive can mean "grow and develop" , "prosper" or "flourish" to name a few descriptions.
I don't know about you but if I had no other choice, I would pick survive.
Notice that I said "if I had no other choice"...
Ah the complexity of choice, being stuck in a comfort zone and growth. Why do I bring this up? Come on now, you know by now that I share what I am hearing and maybe, just maybe, this particular blog may be personal?
We are all creatures of habit. No exceptions. We are that way because it is part of our survival to be that way - our brain is determined to keep us safe, that IS its reason for existence. If you don't give it anything to work towards it will just amp up its trouble shooting skills. Good for your existence if that's all you are aiming for but not so good if you want to live a life where you can grow, prosper or flourish. Or as I call it, fulfillment.
I recently had several opportunities to get out of my usual pattern of behaviour and let me tell you...it was UNCOMFORTABLE.
I have been co-training a course for about a year and a half now and had quite comfortably settled into running the pieces I felt I knew rather than the ones that were just outside of my comfort zone - I'm not talking about right out of my comfort zone but rather at the edges of my comfort zone. I set an intention at the beginning of the course to push myself to grow and my co-trainer willingly obliged. So this is how it went down (at least in my head it did!) - I'm at the front of the room with a group of maybe 10 people and my job was to introduce a new concept and get them ready to do some exercises to build on it. Sounds easy doesn't it? For all of my corporate readers you may want to note that this entire six day course is taught without Power Point! What?? I kid you not. It is possible. So, there is no slide to refer to.
This is how it plays out. I start explaining the concept and it seems to be going well, then I feel like I have nothing to say yet, I know my mouth is saying stuff because I can hear my voice. But in my head? I am saying "holy shit, hurry back" to my colleague all while looking for the nearest exit or hoping the floor will open up and swallow me in! Ever been there? I repeat a few things and maybe feel like I'm going to faint but, miraculously, it doesn't happen and my partner shows up just in time for me to pass the baton. Even writing this gave me a minor sense of anxiety!
Here's the thing that happened though, after I finished I realized that I was still alive and no one in the room seemed any the wiser.
But I was.
I felt a sense of hell yes, you did it! "Fortunately" I had a few other opportunities to do this during the course - step just out of where I felt comfortable and each one had the same "oh shit" feeling and the same feeling of "I did it".
Building resilience. Recovering, learning and adapting. Growth.
My point in putting this out there is that growth is not supposed to feel comfortable. I know, gross. However, I also want to point out that some people's definition of "comfortable" isn't exactly how others might define it. Staying in relationships, bodies or jobs that they aren't happy with because it is familiar and staying in the shit you know is more comfortable than stepping into the shit that you don't know, right?
This is actually how we think. It is safe.
The flipside to this is that there is a whole world out there waiting for you if you only come to the edge of your comfort zone to see it. Really.
Its kind of a 20/20 hindsight thing. I know, you have to go through it to see it. That's why it can be useful to ask yourself "five years from now, will I regret doing this or will I regret not doing this"? See what pops for you.
In the meantime, if you are ready to start "thriving" rather than "surviving" and you don't know where to begin, reach out. I would be delighted to help you see what possibilities are out there for you.

Is it time to weed your garden?

It is a Saturday in July. Not just any Saturday, rather one where it is a screaming 30+ degrees "without the humidity" as we like to say. Yep, this is the day that I take a look over at a patch of garden just beyond my sunroom and decide, it is time. Now is the time that this garden needs to be weeded.
Fast forward four hours and several blisters later and it is done. Sigh, relief and a huge sense of accomplishment. My garden has been refreshed.
The next morning as I am enjoying my coffee on the deck I look over and admire my hard work and bam! It hits me...what a metaphor!
Now that the weeds have been removed, I can clearly see all the plants that have been covered up by the shade of the weeds. Plants that are already starting to stand tall again and believe it or not, a couple of them have blossoms starting to unfurl. And the space, the luxurious space that has been opened up around the plants. Space for breathing and space for potential growth that had been shrouded by the weeds. I am in awe as I look at the resilience that nature has. Just by removing some obstacles, the garden responds almost instantly to the light that is available to it and the air around it. It is able to flourish again.The word "refreshed" comes to mind again.
Metaphors. Why am I spending time sharing this with you?
How often do we let the "weeds" in our life overpower our garden? These "weeds" can show up as people, ideas, crappy TV shows we watch, too much news or other situations that can block our growth. It could be the "weeds" of other people's attitudes or opinions; ideas that you realize aren't actually yours; maybe it is someone's tradition you are carrying on because um, why again? Maybe you are knee deep in a project and realize you don't believe in it. Opinions and advice, all shared with the greatest of intentions yet, they somehow have begun to overshadow your plants. They take over and hide the light so the plants begin to wilt and crumple. By carefully weeding out and separating what is "yours' and what is someone else's the plants are able to stand tall again. The space created allows time for reflection and also time for new growth to occur.
So how about you? Is it time to spend sometime weeding in your garden? Take a moment to notice. Is it time to question something that doesn't seem right anymore? Maybe do that and see what happens.