Who are you pleasing...your parents, partner, kids, friends, boss, anyone and everyone? Except you. What does this have to do with building your confidence? A whole s**t ton, that's what.
This confidence thing has so many elements to it. Some, you may have all figured out, and then there are going to be others that sneak up on you and catch you off guard.
What happens when you’re continually pleasing others? How does this help you? How does it hurt you? There's going to be some fallout when you're constantly checking in with others and making others' needs come first. Know what eventually happens? Resentment, blame, and regret, are the things that can come up. When you realize that your habit of pleasing others has left your needs in the dirt.
What if your people-pleasing was just a habit? Something you do on autopilot. The good news here? Habits can be changed. The key is noticing the benefits of having this habit. Any behaviour that you do on repeat gets you something...a benefit.
Ouch.
Let's say, for example, for you, it's pleasing your parents. What's the benefit? Maybe, that's always been your role "keep everybody happy". Keeping the peace by avoiding confrontation? How's that working for you?
People pleasing can have a significant impact on your self-confidence.
It can lead to:
Difficulty setting boundaries:
You may struggle to set healthy boundaries because you're prioritizing the needs of others over your own. This can erode self-confidence.
Loss of self-esteem:
Constantly putting other people's needs and desires ahead of your own can leave you feeling like your own feelings and opinions are less important. Over time, this can cause you to lose confidence in your own abilities and judgement.
Difficulty making decisions:
When you're always focused on pleasing others, it can be hard to make decisions that are in your own best interest. This can lead to indecisiveness and self-doubt, which can negatively impact your confidence.
Lack of assertiveness:
People-pleasers may struggle to assert themselves or speak up for their own needs and desires. This can make it difficult to stand up for yourself, which can further chip away at your self-confidence.
What are you to do? How do you stop "people pleasing" and lean into your own needs?
Let’s get to it…
Your challenge…
Pick one particular situation where you know you're falling into the trap of people pleasing. Take a breath and ask yourself the following (journaling is always a useful tool if you're into that):
What is it about this particular situation that causes me to put my needs aside?
What's the benefit for me when I do this?
What's the cost to me when I do this?
What would happen if I set a boundary here?
What is one step I could take right now to start this process?
It starts by practicing focusing on your needs, and, if it's been a while, you may want to start with the questions above. Be gentle with yourself. With time, you will start to notice that by paying attention to your behaviours and habits you will start to reconnect with your needs. Set some boundaries and remember...boundaries aren't there to keep others out...they're there to help you get your needs met. When your needs are met your confidence will grow.
If you're ready to start growing your confidence Contact me You have all of the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!
Warmly,
Ann
Are you a people pleaser? Time to set some boundaries…