What's that quote in Elton John's song - Sorry seems to be the hardest word?
Not if you're Canadian! Joking aside, constantly apologizing - especially when you've done nothing to apologize for - may be hurting your perceived confidence and competence. Sorry, not sorry...
If this sounds like you, don't despair. By the end of this blog, even if you try just one thing suggested here, you're going to notice a change.
First, let's dig into how saying sorry all of the time can affect your perceived competence and affect your confidence.
When you apologize all of the time:
You may be viewed as someone who’s constantly making mistakes, which can undermine your credibility.
When you apologize unnecessarily:
You may be perceived as someone who's overly concerned with pleasing others.
Over-apologizing can also make you seem uncertain:
You may seem like you're unsure of your decisions.
It suggests that you're at fault:
Apologizing for something automatically puts you in a position of blame.*
* Apologizing for something automatically puts you in a position of blame!
Whoa, hold on.
Imagine this scenario: You're in a meeting and one of the key contributors is 10 minutes late. They walk into the room and:
Start apologizing profusely, explaining what may have caused their lateness, etc.
OR...
They walk into the room and sincerely say - thank you for your patience. Sit down and join the meeting.
Which one do you think, appears to be more confident and less disruptive?
There's a whole thing that happens when someone says sorry. The onus goes to others to excuse them, to make them feel better for whatever they may be apologizing for. This takes up time AND, for the person apologizing? There's a laying of blame on you! Even if it's not expressly stated. It's unconsciously felt by those around you. Definitely not good for your perceived competence.
However, when the person who's running late, thanks the group for their patience and takes their seat, the whole blame situation is diffused and they appear to be more confident and competent and definitely, less disruptive.
Mic drop!
One small change can make a world of difference.
Are you ready?
Let’s get to it…
Your challenge…
If you find you say sorry more than you'd like to, here are some tips:
Always take a breath when you notice you're about to say sorry.
This gives you a moment to decide whether or not saying sorry is necessary for the situation you're in.
If you determine that there may be a better option than saying sorry, here are some examples of what you might say instead.
If you're running late for an appointment, a meeting, etc. Instead of saying sorry, try saying - Thank you for your patience.
If you can't (or don't want to) attend an event, instead of saying sorry, try saying - Thank you for your understanding.
These tips can be game-changing and empowering.
When you adopt this strategy, there are two things that are going to happen:
You're going to sound more confident and,
with time and practice, you're going to FEEL more confident!
Just by replacing one word!
Give it a try, let me know how it goes!
If you're ready to show up with more confidence Contact me You have all of the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!
Warmly,
Ann
Sorry…not sorry.