You've embarked on learning a new skill, congratulations! It's exciting to have a goal, you set off with great intentions and then it gets difficult. It's normal to want to jump to the end...the part where you have it all figured out. Tick that box. Move forward. Wouldn't that be nice? You could avoid all of those uncomfortable feelings of being a beginner again and automatically be an expert. Not how it works at all.
What behaviour or idea do you have a hard time letting go of when you're learning a new skill? Letting go is also a skill!
Last week* we looked at four things that can stand in the way of you growing a new skill. Things that you need to let go of in order to move forward.
Judgement
Expectations
Beliefs
Impatience
When I did a little informal survey this past weekend, 80% of the respondents said that it was their expectations that were the hardest to let go of when it came to growing a new skill.
Expectations.
"You have to get it right! What's taking so long? You should have this figured out already." It's easy to cut others some slack, however, when it comes to yourself... the bar is higher. It's okay for others to mess up and take their time acquiring new skills but not you.
Here's the thing, expectations are not bad. It's the unrealistic expectations that you have that cause trouble and these are what you need to let go of.
What unrealistic expectations?
Hanging on to the idea that things must be a certain way, and occur within a certain time.
Trying to measure up to someone else.
Being able to do it alone.
That it should happen overnight.
Based on what exactly?
It's the expectations and judgement you put on yourself that can cause the most trouble. So here's your permission to cut yourself some slack.
Are you ready?
Let’s get to it…
Your challenge…
Think of a skill that you would like to build.
How do you let go of your unrealistic expectations when you're learning a new skill?
Make a plan.
Sounds really basic and yet when you're excited to start something new, this step can be missed.
It doesn't have to be a plan that has every single detail in it but having a map that includes milestones is step one in managing your expectations in a realistic and manageable way. It can be flexible and change as you progress.
Start where you are.
Stay in your own lane so to speak - you're a unique individual and what worked for someone else may not work for you. This is key to keeping your expectations realistic.
Ask for help!
If it seems daunting - recruit help. I can't tell you how much time I wasted in the past by not asking for help. Know what you can and can't do and then get someone who has "been there/done that" to mentor you or point you in the right direction. People love to help.
Be Consistent.
Show up. Do the work and watch your skills grow. Being consistent and persistent WILL pay off. Promise.
Reflect.
Make sure you look back every now and then and see how far you've come.
There can be discomfort in making the inevitable mistakes that come along with doing something new. It's called learning.
Letting go of unrealistic expectations. Part of the process of learning a new skill.
Practice. Fail. Learn. Repeat. Oh yeah...and cut yourself some slack along the way...Persisting and forgiving yourself when the inevitable "fails" occur. Knowing that failure is part of the process and being willing to brush yourself off and keep going. That's what it's all about.
I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me Let's play a bit in the muck!
Warmly,
Ann
How’s that grip? Letting go is a skill too!