Feeling like an imposter? The solution is...

Feeling like an imposter? The solution is...

Be yourself!


I recently had the pleasure of running  my "Connect to Your Confidence" workshop in a pharmaceutical company setting with a group of amazing, talented, smart, capable, women...it felt like coming home.

These women said that if they felt confident they would be able to show up and be authentic. Believing in, and trusting themselves. Being able to speak up without the fear of being judged. To be who they are without pretending. 

Doesn't sound like a big request does it?

I wish I could have taken all of these women to the event I attended the very next evening.  An evening event with a panel of four high level executives in the pharma industry. General managers, CEOs, Head of Business Units.  Impressive people.

People like you and me. Speaking to the subject of "imposter syndrome."

A sadly relatable topic for far too many women. Women who often carry around a heavy backpack on their shoulders full of self-doubt and insecurities. I confess that I had my own backpack too...pretty much the entire time I was in my corporate job. One of the weights was definitely feeling like I'd snuck in under the radar and didn't belong there. I had no idea how common and 'normal' this was.

According to this panel, this is true for EVERYONE. No discrimination. Men too. Starting a new gig and thinking that it was a mistake...that they'd fooled everyone...slipped under the radar.

So if you're thinking that you're alone...exhale. You're normal. Me too apparently.

It was refreshing, and hopefully, reassuring for the ~80 people there to hear these incredibly accomplished individuals sharing their very real experiences with imposter syndrome. They made it approachable and relatable...especially for the younger women in the crowd who think that everyone else has it all figured out.

Nobody has it all figured out. Nobody.

The one repeating theme throughout the evening was...to be yourself. Trust that you are where you are because you are meant to be there.

"You are who you are.
Who you are.
Is who you are.
Who you are is non-negotiable.
If you can't be who you are where you are.
Change where you are.
Not who you are."
-Caroline Wanga


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Check in with yourself. Are you walking around pretending to be someone you're not? Trying to emulate someone rather than being you?

Do this instead:

  • Be authentic.

    • People want you. Not you trying to be someone else. 

    • Work with your strengths.

  • Be vulnerable.

    • You're not expected to know it all.

    • Ask for help if you need it!

  • Don't take yourself so seriously.

    • Life's too short.

    • Remember that everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time.

Remember, there's nothing more confident then someone being 100% themself...lumps and all!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

Feeling like an imposter? The solution is…

Have you been kicked in the pants? Ouch.

Have you been kicked in the pants? Ouch.

Or maybe you've been punched in the gut... regardless something's happened, and now you're in the position of dealing with it.

What do you do?

Pretending it didn't happen doesn't make it go away.

A dear friend of mine died a month and a 1/2 ago and I can't pretend that it hasn't affected every single aspect of my life, and not all in bad ways. The realization of the preciousness of life, the fact that you don't know what your time here is, and the reality that life is going to happen no matter who you are or what you do for a living. You're not exempt.

Maybe for you there's been a job loss, a missed promotion, or a personal situation that's occupying a lot of your bandwidth. Pretending all is well is not going to help you move forward.

I used the phrase "move forward" purposely. You don't 'move on' from life changing events. Hopefully, you gather the learning, the love, the memories or whatever else you need to gather and you take it with you.

I want to share with you some lessons that I've been learning that may be useful for you too...no matter what situation you're in...because you too, as far as I know, are also  a human!

Acknowledgment.

  • Rather than shoving it inside and showing a brave face, acknowledging that something crappy has happened.

Kindness.

  • I've been receiving a ton of kindness lately from places and spaces I never could've imagined. But the person who hasn't given me the kindness that I need is me. I figure If I stay busy, keep doing what I'm doing, I'll magically not have to think about things. It's not working so far.

    Patience.

  • Not in the "this too shall pass" mindset...but rather...this is life. This is real life and I know I'm not the only one in a space of either loss, frustration, disappointment etc. who still keeps going on. And I'm allowing myself the patience to move through this.

    What does this have to do with confidence? Maybe sweet diddly squat, but sometimes you have to step away from what you do to offer something different and what I'm offering you right now is the permission you may need to acknowledge what you're going through. 

    Despite all this, I'm okay. I'm okay in my grief. Acknowledging and moving forward slowly holding this new part of me. 

    Are you ready?

    Let's get to it...

    Your challenge...

If you've been kicked in the pants please remember to take some time to:

Acknowledge...be kind...be patient.
 
Gather what needs to be gathered. The lessons, the love, the memories.

And then...gently move forward...as this new version of you.

You've got this.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

Have you been kicked in the pants? Ouch.

Is it right under your nose? Probably...

What's right under your nose?

Although not necessarily a literal question, this came to mind because of an actual situation

I was on my way home from a walk. For most of the walk I had been talking on the phone. It was when I was heading back, as I stepped into the field that I’d already walked through that it happened. I was overcome by the smell of blossoms...blossoms that I hadn't even noticed when I was walking through the field the first time. Interesting, how my sense of smell went on vacation while I was talking on the phone. Is that a thing?

You know me. I love a good metaphor and this one seemed obvious to me: There are so many things that are right there under our noses that we either take for granted or don't see because they're too close.

In this minute as you're searching for that next thing, or working on whatever it is you're working on and you're having a hard time connecting the dots or bringing it all together...

  • Stop!

    • Yes. Put the brakes on for a minute.

  • Take a step back and look right under your nose.

    • It may be so obvious you've ruled it out.

  • What do you already have that you can apply to this situation?

    • Maybe it's a skill strength or capability you have.


Perspective...


The thing that you can't get unless you step away.

Is there somewhere in your life right now where you're trying to make headway? You've come to a point where you're not sure if it's done, if it needs more tweaking...maybe you're just not sure in general!

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Think of that thing now.

 Take a moment now to get some perspective.

  • Stop!

    • Muscling through is never the answer.

  • Take a step back and look right under your nose.

    • What's so obvious you're ruling it out?

  • What do you already have that you can apply to this situation?

    • Maybe somebody you know can help you with it.

...Or consider that maybe you've done enough and there really is nothing to find...

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

Is it right under your nose? Probably…

Yes! You can. If...

Yes, you can! 

Can what? Pretty much do anything you set your mind to, but there's a caveat...you have to believe that you can. Your Mindset. One of the ingredients that you have to pay attention to if you really want those things that you say you want. If you think 'it's not possible', then you're holding yourself back.

Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right... Henry Ford Pretty much my go to quote...there's so much truth to it.

You can only expand as far as you believe you can, so if you're starting out already believing something's not possible then..why bother?  Especially when it comes to growing skills that might feel out of reach for you right now, believing that they are attainable is what fuels the journey.

Think about every skill you have right now. Every single one that, at one point, you probably couldn't imagine doing. Those skills.

How does this relate to building your confidence?

Look at it this way:

  • If you want to be more confident but you always call to mind the times in your life when you weren't feeling confident then that's what your brain's gonna do...look for evidence to support that thought. That's how your brain works. 

  • Likewise, if you call  to mind examples in your life when you were feeling confident, your brain will accommodate that as well and start looking for evidence to support it.

You have to remember that you CAN do things.


What if you're embarking on a brand new thing? How do you get there? 

  • Patience.

    • There is no overnight success.

  • Perseverance.

    • You have to do the drills to get the skills.

  • The belief that it's possible. 

    • Probably the most important element.


No matter what you're working on...it matters how you're thinking.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Working on building a new skill? Feeling self-doubt and fear is normal when you're learning something new…it doesn’t mean that it’s not possible.

When you feel yourself starting to go down down the path of self-doubt and fear, here are some suggestions for you:

  • Notice it's happening.

    • We tend to go to autopilot, well, automatically, so you may not even notice that it's happening. Start to pay attention.

  • Pause.

    • Ask yourself - Is what I'm thinking about this situation and my capabilities really true? Chances are, it's your autopilot response. Be skeptical.

  • Make a choice.

    • Yes, 'a choice.' Decide that you're going to choose an optimistic mindset this time. Consciously change the pattern and then act upon it. Self-doubt and fear tend to dissolve with action.

  • Repeat.

    • Often. This is a practice.That autopilot brain of yours is determined to win. Repetition of this process makes it more likely that you'll eventually be able to interrupt this pattern and gradually, shift your mindset and grow your skills!


Over time, with patience, persistence and self-belief you can shift your mindset and grow. You've got this.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

Yes! You can. If…

How do you answer this question?

Wait for it...

How are you? Yes, this question.

On autopilot probably...fine, good, busy...

No. Really. How are you? 

In my role as a coach it's my job to ask this question and really care about the answer, and I do. To hold space as we say in "coach speak." To allow the person in front of us to really answer the question.  The most challenging thing is to stifle the human compulsion to jump in and have something smart to say, share my wisdom, my own experience.  I'm a trained professional and it's taken a while! 

Doing this is a gift that you can offer someone in your personal life...and what I want to point out today are the benefits of this in your work as a leader...yep there.

As a former people leader myself I can't tell you the value of asking "how are you?" and really caring about the answer.  If those glass fish bowls could talk (a reference that my former colleagues will understand), they would tell you such heart wrenching, humorous, dramatic, real stories. Real life, because you're working with real people.

Here's what I learned:

The greatest gift you can give another human being is your open ears and closed mouth. 

When people feel like they matter, they're gonna deliver more. Go the extra mile. It's a fact. When people feel seen, heard, and understood beyond their job description...they will deliver tenfold what you expect.

You have to mean it when you ask. How are you?

Not one of those passing in the hallway questions where you don't even listen for the answer rather, in your one on one meetings. Face to face. Whether that's literally face to face or on Zoom.
And don't just give them your ears. Turn your body towards them, look at them, put your phone on silent...let them know you're doing it. Give them your undivided attention.

Keep doing this regularly and you might just be surprised at what changes. For them and you.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

For this week, make a point of upgrading your relationships. Whether it's at work, home, or at the grocery store:

  • Ask someone "how are you?"

  • Be sincere, show that you really mean it. 

  • And when someone tells you how they are, really resist the human urge to one up them, to share your own experience or advice (unless they ask). 

  • Notice what happens.

Even if you're not in a "leadership" role, by listening, you're actually telling someone they matter. And that matters.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

How do you answer this question…wait for it…

It's going to cost you...

It's going to cost you. Only you can decide if it's worth it.

The price of admission.

Are you willing to pay the price of admission? It can be difficult to quantify up front...what something "costs." It's usually upon reflection when you realize what the price actually was.

There's no free lunch. That's like clickbait. When you're signing up for something you never really know what you're getting, it's a leap of faith. Click here, say yes, and roll the dice.  

No one explains the cost for the experience and "free" or not, there are definitely going to be some costs.

The most obvious cost for the free lunch? Time. You're giving up your time to be there and time is a precious commodity.

How are you spending your time these days? Watching Netflix? Reading a book? Walking in nature? Growing your skills?

There's a price and often you don't know exactly what it is until you're looking in the rear view mirror.

No matter how you're spending your time, there are costs associated with it. Maybe literal $$ costs and that's not what this is about. If you're about to embark on something new, here's a heads up: There will be costs associated with it.

Want to do some proactive inventory?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

So you're ready to do something new? Let's do some proactive inventory...

Costs:

  • Time:

    • Until you've figured it out, doing anything new takes more time.

  • Energy:

    • Energy is similar to time...learning new skills is going to consume more of your brain power.  That's not necessarily a bad thing.

  • Willpower:

    • Willpower...is a limited resource.  When you're focusing on learning something new you'll have less willpower to do other things...it's a trade off.

  • Other intangible but real risks...

    • The fear that bubbles up when you're putting yourself out there and open to failing.

These costs can apply to learning any new skill: Dating, pickleball, computer programming...oh and of course...growing your confidence! 

No matter what your "thing"is...make sure it's worth it!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

It’s going to cost you…

There are no shortcuts...only steps...

They say there are no shortcuts and you have to follow the steps in the right order. Hmmmm...

If you've ever baked a cake, you know the importance of doing the steps in a particular order and a particular way... and truthfully...I might add all the eggs at once without mixing in between...because I'm me!

They say that In order to get all the skills, in order to make it through...to reach the finish line...you can't skip a step...but here's the catch...the steps may be numbered but they aren't necessarily in "your" order and sometimes...a step is skipped because...life isn't about following the rules.

Whether it's five steps, 12 steps or three steps...it doesn't matter...

When you start out,  you're told to follow along and it even looks like you're going to be following a linear path. It's all laid out like that isn't it? One step after another.

However, once you get going, what you may notice is... even if the steps appear to be in a particular order... there's gonna be some jumping around.  Some pausing, some challenges, maybe places you get stuck and of course, some turning back when the next step just seems too hard.

Wouldn't it be so much easier if those steps were all in a particular order? Tick those boxes, then move on. My analytical,  logical brain would love that.

How about you?

Wouldn't that make so much sense and be so much easier if they were all in a particular order?

Two steps forward three steps back. Starting over or starting where you are. No one tells you that this IS actually the right way.

Typically when you're learning a new skill, there may a prescribed way to obtain that skill and ...because you're you...that's not necessarily the way it goes. You have to find your own way on your timeline, with your parameters, because you're you.

Two steps forward...three steps back.  As long as you're moving, it's progress.
Or is it?
Pausing and reflecting on where you're at is also progress.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

If you're working through some steps right now, whether you're currently in the two steps back phase, or the three steps forward phase:

  • Remember that the path isn't supposed to be linear.

    • This is your particular learning journey.

  • You will get there eventually.

    • No matter what your goal is...it's being consistent and trusting that all your efforts are going to pay off.

  • Oh ya...probably the most important thing to remember...

    • Be patient and kind with yourself! You're learning.

 You've got this...

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

There are no shortcuts…only steps…

Sometimes the wind gets knocked out of you...

You're going to get the wind knocked out of you...then what?

I bet every single one of you reading this understands what 'getting the wind knocked out of you' feels like. It's literally that moment when you can't breathe and everything stops. Maybe you get light headed and then...you come around and you think "whoa what just happened?".

I just had the wind knocked out of me and I'm not going to go into to the details here but I will share some insights about what it feels like and how you have to kind of stand up...brush yourself off and check in.

What exactly do you check?

  • You check all the "things"...physically head to toe...you check for damage.

    • Are you breathing?

    • Any broken bones?

But what sometimes gets missed...is checking on your insides…your heart. How's it doing?

Life isn't for the faint of heart. You're going to get knocked down and you're going to get back up again...eventually.

It's respecting the process.

Understanding what getting up looks like for you...versus what it  looks like for someone else...because it's going to be entirely different. Makes sense. We're all different. So as I catch my breath and brush myself off, I wanted to remind you: If you've had the wind knocked out of you, take a moment...catch your breath...take inventory...and then take the next best step.

What does this have to do with confidence?

I don't know...maybe nothing. But it has a hell of a lot to do with being human.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


If you've had the wind knocked out of you, here are some suggestions:

  • Before you attempt to get up:

    • Stop. Take a breath. Check for damage, and then ask yourself - What do I need right now?

  • Then stand up and ask for it.

    • Asking and receiving is actually what a confident person does, because they know sometimes others have exactly what they need. There it is...the link to confidence...maybe a bit lame but for this week..it's all I've got.


Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

Sometimes the wind gets knocked out of you…then what?

Are you at a standstill? Great!

Being at a standstill typically has a negative connotation. It's associated with being stuck, not knowing which direction to go, or waiting for the next thing that hasn't come up yet... It's the complete opposite of "busy".

What I've learned, is that a standstill is a chance to stop...take a breath... and reflect on how far you've come.

A "weigh station" of sorts. A moment in time to let life, learning...everything ...catch up to you.

To observe rather than "do".

A chance to integrate all of your learning and doing and recognizing how far you are now. Taking that breath...that moment.

How about you?

Are you good at "doing"? I bet you are!  The society we live in applauds doing and achieving. It's a badge of a honour.  Look how busy I am... I must be important or more probably, if you're not busy then you're clearly not doing enough. 

Maybe it's time to debunk the busyness myth and take some time to just be.

If you never take a moment to reflect, you're missing out on the joy of celebrating your progress and learning...

Especially if you've been working on growing your confidence. Stopping to check in, to notice how far you've come. It's funny how competence can creep up that way. That moment when you realize that you're automatically doing that thing you used to try so hard to do! There's nothing like competence to build your confidence!  When you're feeling completely competent, you're automatically trusting yourself and your skills...it doesn't even cross your mind. That's confidence...a nice by-product of competence.

You know what else you can see by reflecting? Certainty...the thing that can only be seen in the rear view mirror. Seeing the many steps that came before that moment of recognition, the moment that you realize the training wheels are off and you didn't even notice.

How did that happen!? 


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

What if you took some time to plan a stand still and look back at how far you've come? Especially if you're hesitating right now about something in the future you'd like to do but you're not sure how to get going.

A "planned" stand still is the perfect way to pause, reflect and remember the skills you used to get going in other situations. You can forget that you know how to do things. How to get going. You wouldn't be where you are now if you hadn't taken those historical steps, would you?

Planned standstill:

  • Think of a specific situation in the past where getting started was a challenge for you.

  • Take some time to trace back your steps to the very first one.

  • What had to happen for you to take that step? Frustration? Readiness? Curiosity? Boredom? Something else?

  • There's information here for you. How could this information be helpful to you now?

That's the gift of a planned standstill...getting information to help you here and now.

There's a Chinese proverb that says "The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step." attributed to Lao Tzu++  and nothing could be more true. Having the confidence to take that first step can be life changing. The cool thing is that the first step doesn't have to be a huge thing...you just have to start!


Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

Are you at a standstill? Great!

Break this habit and watch your confidence soar!

Do I have your attention?

This is a reminder, especially to my women friends and colleagues...

There's one habit you may have that's undermining your perceived level of competence and confidence.

What's the habit I'm referring to?

The habit of constantly apologizing...saying sorry for things you have no reason to be apologizing for.

Sound familiar? You're definitely not alone, which is why I felt compelled to write another blog on the topic...sadly...it's necessary!

I'm on a little bit of a mission here...ask anyone who hangs out with me... I'm asking people to stop apologizing to me when they've done nothing wrong and raising awareness of my cause...one sorry at a time!

Why does this matter so much to me? As a woman and a Women's Confidence Coach in particular, I know the unconscious repercussions of constantly apologizing unnecessarily. 


What happens when you apologize all the time?

  • Others automatically think you've done something wrong. So there's blame associated to you. It's that quick. Even if you've done nothing wrong!

  • Others feel responsible for "fixing" the situation. Oh...that's okay etc.

  • Your "perceived" competence is undermined and it really doesn't help you to feel confident if you're constantly saying sorry.


If you're a woman you're more likely to apologize and..if you also happen to be Canadian...it's a part of the culture!

So what are you supposed to do?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Here are some tips to help you gradually break this habit.

  • Tip number one which is the tip I like to offer for changing any habit, is noticing. 

    • Noticing whenever you're saying sorry for no reason. It starts there.

Now you're noticing then what?

  • Pause:

    • When you're about to apologize, pause and take a breath.

    • Here's the thing, taking a breath may seem long to you but not to anyone else and this is accessible to everyone...all of the time...you just have to remember to do it!

  • Running late?

    • Stifle the urge to say sorry which puts others in the position of reassuring you...

    • Try saying: Thank you for your patience.

  • Don't want to attend your friend's dog's birthday party?

    • Instead of making up excuses try: I'm unable to attend, thank you for your understanding.

When you stop saying sorry all of the time you're going to notice:

  • Others are going to start responding to you differently…in a good way!

  • You’re going to be perceived as more confident.

  • With time and practice, you're naturally going to start feeling more confident! 

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

Break this habit and watch your confidence soar!