Can you go the distance?

A tricky question to answer when you don’t know what the distance is….

Yet still possible to do. Uncertainty. What is one to do when we are in a race we didn't sign up for and the distance has not been defined? Not having a clear idea of when it will be over. Far more than a marathon by now....
How DO you keep going when the finish line continues to be on the horizon?
If you have ever run a race you know that preparation is a must. Most people would not put on their running shoes ala "Forrest Gump" and decide to run without preparing first. It takes a plan that includes rest, fuel, flexibility and a running partner or coach. While the urge at times may be to "keep on pushing through" - any solid training plan includes at least these elements.
I know you didn't plan on this happening, none of us did. And it is never too late to create a plan for managing your race.
Here are some suggestions for continuing to stay in the "marathon" during these continued times of uncertainty.
While the running seems to be the obvious part - it is the other perhaps less obvious elements that contribute to staying the course over the long haul.
Rest.
Yes, rest. Taking time to let yourself recharge. Runners know this. Taking a day off. Not only does it allow the small muscle tears that have occurred to heal it allows you to come back stronger and energized for the next leg of the journey. Rest is often the unsung hero in staying the course no matter what your "race" may look like.
Take some time to figure out what rest looks like for you. How do you recharge?

Fuel.
I'm not referring to the obvious here although proper nutrition is key to successfully keep going the distance. I am referring to the other parts of you that require your attention - your heart and your mind. Those elements that are equally important in keeping the whole self in tip top shape. Maybe it is taking the time to be with loved ones or doing some meditation or some other form of mindfulness. Taking the time to notice when you need to take a few breaths and then doing it. Maybe your fuel is walking outside or remembering something that you are grateful for. These elements are important for fueling your heart and mind.
Take a minute to think about two things you can do to fuel your heart and mind.

Training Partners and Coaches.
We are social beings. Having others to go the distance with us or to guide us along the way isn't being needy, it is being human. We are meant to be with others and lets face it, the race is much more enjoyable when we have someone else to share the hills and bumps with along the way.
Who is on your team right now?
Be flexible.
There are going to be days that you don't want to lace up and other days when you want to do an extra kilometre or two. Remember that not everyone feels like you do. The race is different for everyone. Respect where you are and try to understand where others are.
Where could you be more flexible?
The endurance event we are in is like none other we have ever experienced. Remember: Be kind. Be patient. With others and maybe more importantly - yourself.

Stay well.

What are you looking forward to?

I’m pretty sure that someone famous once said “this too shall pass”... and it will.

When it does, what are you looking forward to?  Take a moment now to think about two or three things that come to mind…just let them bubble up. I’m guessing that they will probably be pretty simple things.  Just notice what came to mind for you.

I have been asking around, doing an unscientific study. I asked approximately 40 people (maybe you were one of them?) to tell me the two or three things they are looking forward to when we begin our new "normal" after the dust settles. Hands down, the number one answer that people say they are looking forward to?

HUGS.

Hugs from friends, family and partners that they have been physically separated from for the past while.

HUGS.

What else came up for people?

• "Seeing friends" whether it is for a coffee date, a pint, a glass of wine or a backyard gathering - actually being with people.

• "Freedom" to make plans. Whether they are for travel, concerts , to go to the local playground with their kids, or just to be able to drop into the local grocery store without a mask and gloves.

• "Getting back to routine" going to the gym, giving in person training, participating in clubs etc. that they used to participate in.

• And for my healthcare professional friends? Not being afraid to go to work. Take that in.

How telling are these responses? What really IS important?

We have been given a chance to pause, reflect and then hit the reset button. This is not a “do over” it is a reset, a chance to “start over”  on a clean page. 
This is where the opportunity is, the pause. Notice. What are you learning as an individual and what are we collectively learning? 
Reflect. What is really important to us vs. what we may have thought was really important before?  This is our opportunity now. We have all been forced to adapt, make adjustments. Ask yourself: what temporary changes have I made that will become permanent? What do I want to continue doing moving forward?  How can I remember these lessons when I am back in the thick of things again?
Reset. How do we want to navigate moving forward? One thing I am thinking is that there will be no "back to normal". We now have a chance to create our "new normal". How can we capitalize on this opportunity? What can we make better?
That's a whole lot of thinking to do. In the meantime - what are you looking forward to when this is over?

Stay well.

The illusion of control...

NOTE: this was written in 2019 and never published, I discovered it in my draft box on March 29th, 2020..ironic?
Do you subscribe to the idea or illusion of "control"? I have been thinking about writing this one for a while now. If you have been reading my stuff for a while you know that I write about the things I hear, things that people talk about with me or around me and sometimes about my own experiences. This one probably touches on all of those.
Control ~ "the power to influence or direct people's behaviour or the course of events"
That sounds like a lot of responsibility to me, yet I hear it all the time. I catch people saying it "control". For some, it is a simply a figure of speech. For others however, it can be a behaviour that is limiting them from so much. Control and its very close cousin, perfection often go hand in hand and they can be a destructive pair. The idea of having control sounds harmless enough yet, when you dig deeper it often reveals something else. Control can be a front for fear, avoidance, safety- just to name a few motivations lurking below the surface. The key is to figure out which one of these is driving the control bus and then to unpack it just enough to work on changing the thinking around it.
Quickest way to realize you actually have no control?
Have a baby, get a puppy or kitten. Then who really has control?
We want to control the puppy or our children's behaviour when they are "acting out"; we want to control our partner's choices when they do not reflect what we might do. We have this illusion that we know how to "do it the right way". It can create a rigid way of being. Rigid, that doesn't sound like a word that anyone I know would like to be described as, yet, this is what they want in their life....control. The master plan with no deviations. I am afraid that it does not exist. Life will definitely throw you some curve balls just to remind you of this.(I could not have foreseen the irony here!)
I am not going to pretend that I am even remotely close to being an expert on this one although I must confess that I have worked with more than a few people who live under this illusion. Usually with a price tag that includes anxiety, sometimes irritability and often dissatisfaction.
As with any quality, control has its place. I'm guessing that if you are driving in snow and you hit a patch of ice, you may want to be able to control your car? Just think for a moment what "control" does in this situation. Your focus narrows with one outcome in mind and anything in the periphery is gone. 100% appropriate and necessary for the situation. Now think how the "control" of other things may mimic this exact type of behaviour - single focus, inability to see anything beyond what is directly in front of you. Tunnel vision.
I work with people who are interested in changing the way they think or behave and are stuck in a fog trying to figure it out. Slowly working together with an approach that blends a process with conversation and compassion creates an environment where slow, sustainable changes can happen. The result in the long term? Transformative change.
What are you ready to let go of?

How solid is your foundation?

Tips for finding some comfort and control in your world right now...

 "If the foundation is solid, when the storm hits, the building may sway ...but it will not fall"

What is your "foundation" made of? Is it made of sand or cement? It matters. When you have a solid foundation, you are able to weather storms and stay standing. When you don't? That's when the inevitable storms we are faced with may come along and knock you over.

Resilient people tend to have solid foundations. One of the traits of a resilient person is their mindset. It tends to be positive and it matters. Especially during the "storms".

Here are some suggestions for building your resilience during these uncertain times.

Own the first five to ten (more if possible) minutes of your day:

• Start with 4 - 6 deep purposeful      breaths while you are in bed and perhaps think of one thing you are grateful for, even if it is the pillow you slept on. Little things.

• Resist the urge to reach for your phone for as long as possible knowing that whatever is there will still be there in a half hour.

Create a routine:

Routines aren't just for babies and toddlers. Whether you are home alone or with a spouse and children, more and more people are working from home right now and based on the phone calls and emails I have been getting, it may be useful to define a "temporary" routine. Why is a routine important? Think about a baby or toddler. One of the most common routines for a small child is the bedtime routine: a bath, maybe some warm milk and a story. This routine signals that bedtime is coming and it is comforting to know what is happening. Adults are no different. Routines bring comfort or maybe more accurately, a sense of control. Some tips: be flexible, especially if you have kids (no matter what their age may be!!) at home. They are adapting too and may require your attention at times when you may not want to be distracted. Remember, this is a "temporary" situation and perhaps look at these distractions as opportunities. Set boundaries between "work time" and
"home time", it is very easy to get caught up in work when you are not physically leaving a work space and commuting. Build in proper breaks and move!

You have choices. (remember those?):

One thing we have a choice over, always, is our attitude, our mindset. A positive mindset - this is one of the traits of a resilient person. Resilience. The ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. The
ability to step back and see the bigger picture and pivot in situations.

How can you shift your mindset to build your resilience? A “bite sized” approach seems to work.  One thought or question at a time to provoke how you may feel or think about something. Questioning what you believe to be true, because our “beliefs” even the good ones, can limit what we allow in. Just take that in for a second.  Taking a moment to ask, is this really true?  Is there another way I could look at this? Over time, I have witnessed transformational change in attitudes and outlooks by adopting this approach. It’s possible. Promise.

And finally, think about the "breadcrumb trail" that you are leaving right now:

When we eventually arrive at our new "normal" and you take a look back, how do you hope that others will describe how you showed up during this time? For me? I am hoping that my behaviour will be described as: kind, level-headed and compassionate. How about you? Take a moment to reflect.

Stay well.

Are you ready to face the music?

Ummm….are you ever ready?

"Facing the music". I'm guessing that your initial reaction to this may not be exactly what I am writing about today.
Typically when you "face the music" you have made a mistake and now you have to fess up and make it right. Not usually a comfortable thing and necessary all the same.
This is not the case here. Facing the music here is about putting yourself out there and letting yourself be vulnerable and I'm talking wide open.
I am about to release my first book. There, I said it. Some of you may be aware of this and for others it is the first time you are reading about it. And let me tell you, I AM SCARED. Every possible alarm bell is going off in my head. It kind of feels like stepping in front of an audience with no clothes on and being okay with it. (Not that I have ever done that!) Putting myself out there like this feels vulnerable and it is. I've heard that you are supposed to "feel the fear and do it anyway". Who came up with that saying? When you read it it seems so easy and there is nothing easy about it at all!. Yet it is a given. I don't have to tell you. Anytime we are ready to do something that we haven't done before, the "holy s**t" factor kicks in.
I take a break and walk away from this post. My son comes home while I am taking my "break". I tell him that I feel like I am going to have a panic attack. I am experiencing fluttering in my chest and butterflies in my stomach and my voice is quivering. I can see the concern cross over his face and then he asks why. I tell him I am scared. I am putting myself out there and it feels scary. He looks a little relieved and then tells me "that's not scary, that's exciting". Boom. I stop in my tracks, nice reframe. Feeling scared or anxious to do something actually feels physiologically the same as excitement. The fluttering heart and butterflies in the stomach that I get when I am nervous is the same feeling as when I am excited for something. I relax. I've got this.
I look across the table and start to smile - Courage Over Fear. Mindset as a Choice. Trust Yourself. These are my words. The sections of my book. Putting them in action is far more challenging than writing them down, that's for sure. And I know that I've got this. I know that by putting myself out there I am setting myself up for the inevitable feedback and criticism - that's what I mean by facing the music - opening myself up so that people will be allowed to have an opinion.
I give my head a shake. This IS who I am. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Pretty much how I roll and I have to remind myself, yes, this IS how you roll and you know it isn't easy but that is who you are. A badass trailblazer and being a badass does not mean you don't feel fear and vulnerability. It just means you allow the feelings, acknowledge them and then do it anyway. No regrets. Because I didn't come here to play it safe. I came here to live. One life. One kick at the can.

Is it time to take the leap?

Notice that I didn't ask if you were "ready" to take the leap? That was intentional because if you are like many people (myself included) the answer can always be no. Not yet. Not ready. I still have to... fill in the blank here.
I was recently asked if my blogs are about me. There are two answers or maybe more to that question. 100% there are some that I will come right out and say they are about me. The others? Well, I think I am writing them randomly however "I" am writing them so there's that.
This one was inspired when I was out for a walk this morning and saw something that made me smile and then it made me think and I like thinking.
There was a squirrel making its way down the slope of a very steep roof. It was impressive. But what impressed me even more was when it got to the edge of the roof and with zero hesitation, jumped towards a snow covered branch on a nearby evergreen tree. As it landed, the branch bounced up and down for a moment and then it steadied as did the squirrel.
Wow! Was it dumb luck or did the squirrel just trust that it had the skills to do what it needed to do? Maybe a bit of both?
I'm thinking there was a little bit of a message in it for me (thank you universe) and maybe you will find a message that you need as well.
Here's what I got from it:

• timing is everything

• there is definitely a requirement to have some sort of skill level

• going with instincts IS sometimes the way to go

Lets look at the first one - "timing is everything" . I am going to counter that with the idea that there is probably never precisely a "right" time unless you are in the circus and someone is supposed to catch you when you fly on the trapeze or other situations like that! However, in many situations, there isn't a life or death component where the timing has to be bang on. For these situations, usually ones where it involves making a decision to take action, the timing isn't as critical and that in and of itself is what may make it so difficult. Not being time bound leaves lots of time for fear and self doubt to creep in.
Next, lets look at skill level: Think of the squirrel, I'm pretty sure it didn't know how to jump with such agility from day one. It probably took time, watching Mom and Dad perhaps and then modelling their behaviour to acquire the skill. One thing I'm guessing is certain is that when the squirrel decided to take the leap it wasn't doubting itself or its skills, it just did it. I witnessed a successful jump and most likely there was a time when the squirrel fanned on the jump and fell a few branches. That's how we learn. That's how we get the skills. Guess and test. Try and try again. If you're anything like me, you usually over estimate how much skill you need to get started. The fact of the matter is, starting is the key to gaining traction and experience.
And finally - going with your instincts. This is one that many of us have squashed over time. The voice in our heads or more likely in our hearts and guts, that gives us a nudge. I am a logical thinker who is becoming a "nudge seeker". I am paying more and more attention to the inner voice and taking action. It usually makes my heart race and my palms sweaty and I do it anyway. I have learned that the "repercussions" I make up in my head never really come to pass. I either land on the branch or tumble a few branches down. Either way. I did something. I took a leap and that is one thing that I NEVER regret.
So how about you?
Is there a leap that you have been waiting to take? Every leap starts with one small action and a willingness to fall.

Saying goodbye to 2019....

I wrote this on New Year’s Eve…still early enough in the year to do this exercise….

It is New Year's Eve and the countdown is on. This one in particular seems to be holding a lot of weight...it introduces a new decade! So exciting. I love this time of year. Rather than making resolutions, I prefer to take some time to reflect on the year that was. The highs, lows, successes and failures. All of it. This is what informs the creation of my vision for the next year. Choices. I have a good feeling about 2020.
How about you? Do you have a special way to mark the end of the year? Do you have a ritual for planning the next year?
New beginnings, cleaning the slate, starting over...just a few of the ways some people refer to a New Year. While cleaning the slate and "starting fresh" may sound attractive I like to look at the end of the year and the approaching New Year in a way that encompasses what is already there and where the gaps are for me.
I'd like to offer this quick practice that I have been doing over the last several years, it doesn't take a lot of time and you may be surprised by what pops up for you. The key here is to let what bubbles up be the answer, no second guessing... trust your brain! Then get curious after. Feel free to grab a piece of paper and something to write with if you wish.

• What do I want to leave behind?

What better time than the end of a year/decade to ask yourself this question? We carry so many things with us year over year maybe it is time to leave behind the excuses that are keeping you stuck in a holding pattern. Perhaps it is a relationship you have outgrown, a habit or feeling that you are done with or even a tangible "thing"? Just notice what comes to mind for you.

• What do I want to keep?

I am guessing that there are many things you may want to keep. While setting new goals is always exciting, it is important to remember what you already have that is pretty great. Relationships, health, friendships, work, useful practices that you do etc. or maybe a new relationship (friend, partner, business associate etc.) or a new habit that you started in 2019 that has been useful for you.

• What do I want to add or have more of in 2020?

While "adding" always sounds good, you may already have some things in your life that you just want more of - family and friend time; "me" time. Or maybe you want to start a new thing? Maybe it is about having more choices in a current situation. Whatever surfaces for you, take note.

This will be the fourth year that I do this exercise and I am always intrigued by what comes up for me. Gives me food for thought - which is the point, by the way....to get you thinking. No matter what surfaces for you, I do hope that it is useful and maybe even enlightening.

What do you do when the lost luggage shows up?

I remember being on a business trip to the UK a few years back. As I stood near the baggage pickup and waited, my heart started to sink further and further as the thwap thwap of the conveyor belt got louder and the conveyor belt got emptier. I knew it probably wasn't a good sign. My bag didn't end up being on it. I had heard of this happening, yikes...now what? I was lucky, travelling business class maybe, I don't know but my luggage was tracked down in Sweden and showed up later that evening where I was staying...phew! I didn't have to go out and get any new clothes, toiletries etc. I was able to keep everything just as it was. I was relieved.
We all know that this isn't always the way it goes. Often "baggage" gets inadvertently lost and we forget about it. Time passes, life moves on and then? The call comes from the airport telling you "Surprise! Good news, we found your lost luggage"! Now what? I'm guessing that initially there would be a tremendous amount of excitement. It has been years now, how is this possible? It was so long ago, is it even worth picking up? What do you do? Leave it at the airport? Unlikely. If you're anything like me, your curiosity alone would be enough to go get it.
Then what?
You get the luggage home and stare at it in disbelief...how is this even possible? I thought this stuff was gone forever! You open up the suitcase and a flood of experiences come tumbling out with all of the paraphernalia you had packed. Stuff you had completely forgotten about. You rummage through and pick up a couple of things and are surprised by what pops up for you as look at each item. Each piece brings up a vivid memory. Some really good and some, hmmm maybe not so much. I wore that?!!
This is where a decision has to be made.
Do you take the entire contents of the suitcase and dump it back into your closet and drawers and act like it all belongs there again? I'm guessing probably not the best idea. Think about it. Some of the clothes may not fit anymore or your sense of fashion has changed. Quite likely that the toiletries are all dried up by now too and useless.
I'm thinking that maybe sifting through what is there may be useful. You may find a couple of items that you realize you could use again now and integrate them back into your wardrobe. And the others? Maybe toss them out. After all, you haven't really missed them after this long so maybe they aren't useful anymore. Regardless, just because the suitcase showed up doesn't mean you have to go on the same trip again. It just means you have some old stuff that may be useful and some you are ready to let go of.
What will you do when your lost luggage shows up?

Is it your turn yet?

Are you waiting for a nudge?

Are you waiting for someone to indicate to you that now, right now...it is your turn? Sounds unlikely, yet I can tell you, it is more common than you might think. People thinking that there has to be a certain sequence of events before they can do **insert activity here**. Is this true? Maybe?
This whole idea of "waiting your turn" starts way back. If you didn't experience that concept at home, you most certainly learned it as soon as you went to some sort of "school" for the first time, and it made sense for sure. Can you imagine a bunch of small humans running around doing what they please, jumping over each other to be 'first" all the time? Chaos. Utter chaos. I'm guessing that it was a "conditioning of necessity".
If you are reading this, I am guessing that you aren't in JK anymore? Chances are, you are a fully functioning adult; maybe with a job, a partner, possibly children, pets etc. And, you have taken the whole "wait your turn" philosophy into your adult life. I hear it all the time. Everywhere. Reasons why people come last on their list of priorities, worn as if it is some sort of medal, yet, there is also a sense of loss. What do I mean? Loss of oneself. In the midst of responsibilities and life, somewhere along the way, they got lost. To the point of having to get reacquainted with themselves. I'm waiting until....I will do something nice for myself when...as if there will be a magic moment "when" your time has come, "your turn". As if someone else is responsible for nudging us to let us know when it is "our turn".
I have some news that you may not want to hear here. It is highly unlikely that someone is going to walk up to you and say hey "insert your name here" its your turn now. You're up next.
Taking your turn, actually making it to the top of your "to do" list is NOT selfish. It is called self care and like the popular analogy of putting your own oxygen mask on before someone else's, you first, means that you are good to go.
It is ensuring that you will be able to show up as your best when the time comes.
Still not convinced? Then maybe ask yourself this question "what am I getting out of putting myself on the backburner"? I know, yikes. Maybe just wonder for a moment....

Are you in a funk?

So, you’re in a funk…now what?

Full disclosure here, I've been in a creative "funk" lately. I can't seem to come up with an idea to save my life! Then it dawned on me. I have been wallowing in this whole I can't come up with an idea, I've got nothing to say/write so much so that I have essentially created a creative funk!
"Wallow" has many meanings, including "staying in a situation or state without trying to change". Hey, I have nothing against wallowing at all for sure! It can serve a purpose. For me? It has been providing a reason for not putting something out there, it has also become a subject of conversation and a reason to not take my laptop out. On the other hand, It has started to become a bit of a thorn in my side and like any irritation, I have decided it is time to do something about it!
So, how does one get out of a funk?
Probably the first thing is to actually realize that you are in one.
Next - start to ask yourself, what do I want to do about it? Seem like a silly question? Like I mentioned above, sometimes wallowing in a funk is providing a benefit that you are finding useful. Fair enough, then don't do anything about it yet.
However, if, like me, and you decide that you have had enough of it you will probably notice an instant change. A decision to move forward from the funk alone becomes your "first step". That step (just one) starts to spark some energy. So, this short blog is exactly that, my step to get out of the funk.
Why did I share this with you? Because I know 100% that I am not alone when it comes to getting in a funk and I wanted to demonstrate that by taking one little step, you can start getting out of the funk and moving forward. It works! One baby step. Walking the talk. This is what I recommend to ALL of my clients who are working towards changes in their lives. Take the first step. I guarantee, others will follow!