Oops, you did it again!

You've decided you want something different and you've been pursuing it...good for you!  You're cruising right along, enjoying the scenery,  getting somewhere, and then…it happens....

Welcome to the fourth of a multi-part blog series on helping you recognize what might be keeping you stuck and small steps to get you moving forward again.

Sometimes all it takes is one little nudge to get you back on track.

The focus for this blogpost is the role that HABITS can play in keeping you stuck.

…there's an unexpected road closure that didn’t show up in your navigational app and you come to a standstill. Now what?  You want movement, so the easiest thing to do is to revert back to the thing you know how to do - you put it into reverse and turn around to go back to where you were.  This cycle is not unusual. 

This my friends, is called life. When we start out on a journey towards something we want, it can feel so exciting. Our tank is full of fuel and we feel unstoppable – we're doing stuff and getting s**t done.  We know where we're going.

Then it starts to get difficult and we come to a stand still. No one told us it would be hard. This is supposed to be something we want, right?

As I've mentioned in previous posts, our brains are not fans of change. They like predictability. When you decide to change something, it has to work harder to keep you safe. This is why it is so easy to revert back to previous behaviours or habits. It feels good and it’s easy. So inevitably you end up back where you started...stuck, spinning your wheels again, reverting back to the way it was. Ugh!

Habits. They are simply patterned behaviours we do to get us a result that provides us with some sort of benefit. Read that sentence again.

Yes, we like to categorize our habits as  "good or bad" - however, anything we do repeatedly is giving us a benefit. I know what some of you may be thinking, how can my "bad" habit be giving me a benefit? Think about it, smokers take deep breaths and get some time alone to regroup. Eating a bucketful of ice cream seems like a bad habit on the surface, however, when eaten it produces the feel-good chemical dopamine.

The key is to find the benefit you are getting from your habits and replace it. Yes, the benefit is real and when you are able to replace it rather than “give it up” you will find that change becomes a little bit easier and one step closer. Make the benefits of your habit pay off for you.


So let's get to it....

Are you willing to try this out?  If so...

Your challenge for the next week…

The next time you notice yourself reverting back to an old habit and it's preventing you from making the change you want to make, ask yourself:

• What's the benefit of this habit? Take some time to let the answer bubble up. Or, if you like to journal, set a timer for 7 to 10 minutes and write continuously about it...see what insights surface for you.

• Then ask yourself: How else could I get this same benefit? Again, let something bubble up for you or try the writing exercise.

• Rinse and repeat.

May you find a nugget or two as you come along on this journey with me.

Up next? The role that your mindset has in getting you stuck OR unstuck....

If you're ready to get unstuck and shift your mindset please  Contact me for a zero obligation chat. It's always good to hear from you!

Stay safe and well.

Warmly,

Ann

Here's a no brainer question....

Have you ever let fear stand in the way of something you wanted to do?

This is the third of a multi-part blog series on helping you recognize what might be keeping you stuck, and small steps to get you moving forward again.

Sometimes all it takes is one little nudge to get you back on track.

Welcome to the third blogpost in the series....this one is all about the role that FEAR can play in keeping you stuck. I'm willing to bet that not one person reading this has not experienced fear as a roadblock, even if only temporarily.
 

Fear is probably the number one thing that holds us back from making a change, and inevitably it can keep us stuck. Fear. It's just a word, and probably one of the most powerful four-letter words around.

Fear is a liar. It tells us that staying where we are is safe, and trying something new is dangerous. Even if the change is for a very good reason. It isn't a fault in the system. Unfortunately, this is how our brains work. Not very practical at all.

Because the brain’s number one job is to keep you safe, when you try to change something; alarm bells go off, often in the form of fear. All the what if's start coming up and they're usually not the good, positive ones. Nope...they're usually all of 'the what can go wrong?' ones. This is often just enough to keep you stuck in the status quo. Eventually, you want more than that.  So what can you do?

The good news? Fear can't survive when we take action. Action has a way of making fear shrink and disappear.

So let's get to it....

Are you willing to try this out?  If so...

Your challenge for the next week…

The next time you’re feeling stuck because fear has taken over the steering wheel...try this: Call the fear out.  Literally. Recognize that it is fear that is speaking and acknowledge it...out loud.  Then ask yourself: What if the biggest risk is not taking one? Notice what answer pops up in your head.
Or...
My other favourite question: Five years from now, are you going to regret doing it or not doing it? Often, the perspective that this question offers is enough to encourage you to take a step towards that thing you want to do.  Repeat this every time you catch yourself  holding back because of fear.  Make it a game if that helps. 

May you find a nugget or two as you come along on this journey with me.

Up next? The role that habits can play in keeping you stuck....

If you're ready to get unstuck and shift your mindset please  Contact me for a zero obligation chat. It's always good to hear from you!

Stay safe and well.

Warmly,

Ann

What does CLARITY have to do with getting unstuck?

This is the second of a multi-part blog series on helping you recognize what might be keeping you stuck and small steps to get you moving forward again.

Sometimes all it takes is one little nudge to get you back on track.

The focus for this blogpost is the role that CLARITY plays in getting you unstuck.

Just imagine this for a second: You jump in a Taxi and the driver asks, “Where do you want to go?” You reply, “Don’t take me to the airport.” It sounds silly, but people tend to be quick to tell you about where they don’t want to go/what they don't want rather than taking the time to figure out where they DO want to go!  This can definitely keep you stuck and spinning your wheels.

Clarity. Knowing where you are. Knowing where you’re going. For many this is not the case. They're on cruise control, going with the flow and getting what they get. All okay until it’s not. Clarity puts the you are here in your navigational app. The starting point. It's from here that you can decide where there is. The next step, your destination. Whether it’s your career, health, relationships or whatever it is that's keeping you stuck, until you know where you are, where you’re going will be murky.

Why is this step critical to getting unstuck? If you don’t know where you currently are, then you may find that you are continually returning to situations again and again. Chasing your tail so to speak.

One thing I've noticed that seems to be true, is that when we are clear about what we want, it is also unusual to be stuck. Why, you might be wondering? As I mentioned above…when you know what you want it’s like putting a destination into your navigational app. You're able to see off into the distance and this, in and of itself, gives your brain something to do. Once you know what you want, your brain will look around for opportunities to make it happen. It’s built that way.

Why do so many people skip this step - the whole getting clear thing? Because when you're at a standstill, you naturally want movement. It feels good. This is why we jump the gun and leave a job because the grass is greener over there...until it isn't.  You get the picture? If you're going to run, run towards something you want, not away from something you don't want. Take the time to get CLEAR.

So let's get to it....

Are you willing to try this out?  If so...

Your challenge for the next week or so…

Start small. The next time you’re feeling stuck or or overwhelmed - take some time to get clear on something you want.  Make it something as simple as getting a cup of coffee.  Focus on  the steps you will take to get it.  Will you be making it for yourself or will you be going out to get it? What will it will smell like, what will the temperature be, the taste as the first sip passes your lips? Get really clear and then go do it.  Then repeat with something else, equally small, maybe booking a reservation for dinner.  It's by practicing with small things that you can build this muscle and head towards things that you want.  It's a practice, focusing on what you want versus what you don't want.  With time and repetition, you will start to feel a difference. Promise.

May you find a nugget or two as you come along on this journey with me.

Up next? The role that fear has in keeping you stuck.

If you're ready to get unstuck and shift your mindset please  Contact me for a zero obligation chat. It's always good to hear from you!

Stay safe and well.

Warmly,

Ann

I'm thinking it's time for something different...

Happy Monday!

Five years ago or so I tentatively put out my first blogpost. -”When is it the Right Time?” published on LinkedIn on April 15th, 2016! Since then I have been putting out blogposts somewhat erratically, and mostly with a particular message, usually something that I experienced or witnessed. Always with the intention of resonating on some level with you.

I have decided to diverge from that for the next six or so blogposts. Are you in? I promise they will be short and useful.

COVID turned the world upside down and my world was no exception. There were many moments when I felt lost and overwhelmed…essentially stuck. Maybe you can relate? It was during those times I would write my "sticky note" and reflection. With 20/20 hindsight I realized I was unloading how I was feeling AND it was also those little notes that actually helped keep me moving forward.

Those thoughts and notes became the book that I recently published entitled “You’re Stuck…Now What?” I felt that the process of taking a moment to pause and shift my attention was so useful that I wanted to share some snippets of it with you. As humans we can all get stuck from time to time.

So let's get to it....

In my experience there seem to be two scenarios that can lead to being stuck:

Feeling like you have too many options, which can leave you feeling paralyzed with indecision.  Think of a child in a toy store told that they can choose only one item? Painful.

OR…

The complete flipside? You're in a situation where you see no choice or options, which can create a "backed into the corner" kind of feeling. Also painful.

Both of these scenarios can create a feeling of overwhelm that brings you to a standstill.

Big or small… the magnitude of what’s keeping you stuck doesn’t really matter, the way to get moving is the same. You need to shift your attention elsewhere, get a change in perspective, a distraction, and then go back to that thing and notice what’s different.  It will be different.

Once you have shifted your attention, even slightly, you cannot see things the same way. This tiny shift is often just enough to get some momentum going…the first step and, in my experience, a first step often leads to another.

Whether you’re feeling stuck due to a huge roadblock, something that feels completely unattainable, or it’s a seemingly small thing getting in your way - the  process to get moving is the same. By taking some time to re-direct your attention you will start to shift your thinking. This means that you will start to look at things differently and difference is exactly what you need when you can’t see a way forward. A slightly new way of looking at something can be enough to shed some light where there was only darkness before. Hope, and enough light to take the next step.

Are you willing to try this out?  If so...

Your challenge for the next week…

The next time you’re feeling stuck or having trouble making a decision - get up and walk to another room or better yet, go outside and walk. Take at least 10 minutes (20 is even better) to literally walk away from the situation where you’re feeling stuck. Take in the sights and sounds of your environment. Notice the air on your skin, your feet on the ground. Be present. If you can’t get out for a walk, breathe consciously for 5 minutes paying attention to the air going in and out of your nose.

When you go back to that situation I guarantee you will have a new insight. Sometimes all it takes is one little nudge to get you back on track and moving again.

May you find a nugget or two as you come along on this journey with me.

Up next? The role that clarity has in getting you unstuck.

If you're ready to get unstuck and shift your mindset please  Contact me for a zero obligation chat. It's always good to hear from you!

Stay safe and well.

Warmly,

Ann

What happens when the storm is over?

"When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about." Haruki Murakami

Full disclosure, I had another blog entirely written and ready to send. Until. Until I tore off the page of my daily calendar and was met with the quote above. Then BOOM. I knew I had to reflect on this quote and then I thought perhaps you may also find this a useful quote to reflect upon.

Whatever your "storm" may be, I'm going to suggest that the process I followed below may be useful for you too.

Not surprisingly perhaps, the "storm"  that came to mind for me was the pandemic. Like many people, I am feeling hopeful as the number of vaccinations continues to rise. Hopeful for a return to some sort of "normalcy" after such a long time in the surreal situation we have been in.  Hopeful and also a little anxious. How will I know when to take the next step and do some of the things I haven't done in more than a year?  When is it going to feel safe again? Will it ever feel the same again?  This reel played for a while. I reread the quote and then I headed out for a walk.

What came to mind for me and what transpired after a twenty minute walk provided an insight that I wasn't expecting at all.

As I was walking I asked myself - think of a time when you came out of a storm before.  What popped in my memory was an experience I had more than 30 years ago and, in that moment, it was as clear as day. I had just had a cast removed from my lower leg after eight weeks.  As I was working in the hospital at the time, I just had to walk across to the clinic and have it sawed off and then I went back to my department minutes later, to continue my work day.  Just like that. 

I looked down at my lower leg and observed that it was atrophied, hairy and very pale compared to the rest of my tanned skin. All of a sudden, I felt anxious. I didn't know the first thing I was supposed to do now that my leg was out of the enclosure it had been in for two months. Could I just start doing the things I did before?  Was there a specific plan I was supposed to be following to strengthen my leg?  Was there going to be a time when I was just going to know that it had returned to its previous state?

As I tracked through this memory I could recall getting the questions answered and slowly finding my own groove again.  Some 30 plus years later, I can say that I've barely thought about this, until yesterday and it was such a useful experience to recall.  I found some resources in it that I know I can apply to how I am feeling now. After reflecting on this memory, rather than feeling anxious, I  now feel equipped. 

Now your turn. 

• Think of a storm you are in right now. Don't linger there. I suggest literally getting up and going for a walk. You can't stay mentally in the same space when you're moving forward.

• As you find your rhythm, ask yourself to think of a time when you were in a similar situation before. Let what ever comes to the surface be your answer. Your brain doesn't do random.

• Track through that memory and notice what nuggets of wisdom it has in it. You got through it after all; so I'm guessing you gained some wisdom from it.

• Now think about your current storm. What's different now when you think about it? How can the resources from that memory that came up be useful for you. Right here. Right now.

• Let a couple of words bubble up that capture how you are feeling now.

Remember:  "When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about." Haruki Murakami

Is it time to tend to your garden?

As soon as the rain stopped and the sun came out I decided to step outside, barefoot, into the dampness to take a look around.

I looked over at the patch of garden just beyond my sunroom and noticed the beautiful yellow flowers with water droplets glistening on their leaves. I walked over to take a closer look.

In the past, I would let this area of the garden get totally overgrown with weeds and then take a day to clear it. A day that usually resulted in blisters on my hands and maybe a sore lower back. I have learned in the last couple of years to take a different approach.

Tending to my garden on a regular basis rather than letting things accumulate. Tending feels like a loving act, nurturing the growth, not just removing the things I don’t want there.

Tending means paying more frequent attention and checking in to notice progress. By removing the withered flowers from the plants I’m actually encouraging another flower to grow in its place. It works! One by one as I “dead head” the flowers, the plant appears to rise up a little. It’s subtle, you have to be paying attention to notice.

I continue on and pull the rogue clover (sorry bunny family) and multiple other types of weeds that are trying to integrate with the rest of my garden. They can be sneaky! Some of them actually have a flower or two on them and yet, I know that they are harmful to the overall health of the garden.

It feels so satisfying to remove the weeds that are potentially stunting the growth of the overall garden.

I stand back and take a look to see the results of my efforts. My garden has been refreshed.

Now that the weeds and dead flowers have been removed, I can clearly see how the regular garden maintenance is paying off. Incrementally, rather than waiting until all the plants are covered up by the shade of the weeds. Not waiting until the task becomes overwhelming. Don’t get me wrong here, that approach is sometimes necessary. We get busy and priorities fall off our list. When we wait it may take a little longer to clear the space AND it is still beneficial to do the work in the long run. It is this work that allows the garden to continue to flourish and grow.

I’m guessing that over the last while there may be some weeds that have crept into your garden and now you may be starting to notice them.

These "weeds" may be showing up as a decline in your health, an increase in work time, maybe too much screen time and not enough outdoor time. It may be the "weeds" of other people's attitudes or opinions; the weight of new and different responsibilities that you have taken on or …you fill in the blank…it’s your “garden”.

Regardless of the cause, the weeds, have begun to overshadow your plants. They have taken over and hid the light, causing your plants to wilt. By taking some time to carefully start tending to your garden, separating what you want to nurture and grow from what is hindering the overall health, you will notice that the plants are able to stand tall again. The space created may allow some time for reflection and eventually new growth. It takes time. Time and tending.

Is now the time to start tending to your garden? To create some space for yourself? Take a moment to notice.

Are you ready to get off the merry-go-round?

We’ve been on a merry-go-round of sorts for quite sometime and it looks like it may eventually slow down enough to let us get off.

Then what?

From what I recall as a kid riding a merry-go-round, there was a whole lot of spinning involved and it took some time for the momentum to stop. Once it slowed down enough, if you were feeling brave, you would jump off. Alternatively, you would wait until it came to a complete stop and then carefully step off. Didn’t much matter your approach, eventually your feet hit the ground again.

No matter what your approach was for getting off the merry-go-round, the feelings were usually the same…disorientation. The first thing you had to do was find your balance. How long this took was unique to each person. Some were able to get right up and stand steady, however, for most of us, some time was needed to start feeling sure-footed again.

Next was to determine which way you were facing. Sometimes, you were looking in the opposite direction from where you were when you first embarked on the ride. It could take a minute or two to get clear on just where you were in relationship to where you started out. Again, this process varied for the individual.

Finally, you had to decide which way you were going to go and start going. One step at a time until your direction and steps were all in alignment. Maybe you were still a little wobbly, but you knew which way you wanted to go. And so you did.

Balance. Calibration. Movement.

Knowing that as we move forward we will need to continually follow this pattern until we become sure-footed again. Everyone’s path will be different.

Maybe this will resonate for you...

I don't know about you but I am feeling done. Enough already.  Yet I know that this way of thinking isn't useful for me in the long run. So I'm going to explore what's useful for me right now and maybe some of this will resonate for you...

What's useful for me right now?  Acknowledgement:  This sucks.  Now what?

Is there something you have hanging around in the back of your mind or perhaps it's top of mind...wherever it is, that you are ready to look at differently? It doesn't necessarily mean that the situation is going away, it may just mean that you are ready to stop ruminating over it.   It could be a way of thinking that is getting in your way or a situation that is truly beyond your control. It doesn't have to be something big, just something that has been niggling at you and perhaps taking up a little more of you attention then you would like it to.

I want to offer a three part practice that I do when I get in this funk...maybe you'll find it useful too. Three questions that I ask myself.  Do I: Let it be? Let it go?  Or do I let something in?

Let it Be

The Beatles really did have some wisdom when they wrote that song. What can you accept? Where is there something in your life that you wish was different and you cannot change it?  

I may not like the circumstances we are in right now and hanging out and resenting the situation is not making me feel better.  I can't change this situation but I can change the way I am feeling about it. Acceptance. Letting it be. Embracing how it is rather than how I think it should be. Letting it be imperfect. Taking a breath and understanding that this truly is the way it is.  How about you? What can you accept right now?


Let it Go

What are you ready to let go of? This is a big question. It means saying I am done with this.  It might be a particular way of thinking that is not useful for you? I don't know. Maybe it is letting go of an attitude or idea. It could be hanging on to a relationship that you have outgrown, a job that has run its course for you or, it could literally be a material, tangible thing. Whatever pops up for you. Ask yourself. What can I choose to let go of in this situation?

Let it In

Let it in. What are you ruling out? What might deserve a second look? It could be a thought, an idea, a different perspective. What bubbles up for you? That thing. What if you let that in? What becomes possible now?

Take a moment now. What's different now when you think about that situation? What new information do you have? What choices about this situation are now possible?

If you're looking to connect please  Contact me for a zero obligation chat. It's always good to hear from you!

Stay well.

Warmly,

Ann

Are you jumping to conclusions?

Of course you are!

I can vividly recall having discussions with my Dad and him telling me to stop jumping to conclusions.. I always thought I had done something wrong. I know better now! That’s what our brains do. It is not a fault in the system. It’s actually a part of the system that keeps us safe and alive….some may even call it a perk!

When we start getting some information and it seems familiar, our brains look for a pattern and then we fill in the gaps and immediately seem to know where the conversation is going or think that we have the answer. It is so fast that we don’t notice unless someone points it out. It’s a very good thing. We are able to predict what’s going to happen next and that’s really useful. That’s what being an expert in anything does, enables the bypassing of the doubt straight to action.. I want to know that the surgeon operating on me has the instincts to jump to a conclusion and intercept a potentially life threatening situation. However, even experts can learn new things.

Jumping to conclusions is not necessarily a “bad” thing; it allows our brain to resume its job of watching out for danger. Quite frankly, the majority of the time, this is a useful thing because if our brain's number one job is to keep us safe and we are able to figure out on the spot where something is going it is often very useful.

On the flipside? Depending on the situation, think in business or when you’re looking to innovate, it tends to make us rule out other options and the opportunity to learn and grow. And it can create a rut of sorts. That’s why looking for diversity of thought is a blessing and a curse. I saw it play out more than once in my 20+ years in the corporate world. Let’s hire someone who thinks differently than us so we can learn and grow. You do that and then what typically happened? The person would never seem to “fit” because their ideas rubbed against what was familiar and that made it uncomfortable and lets face it, no one wants to feel uncomfortable. So many missed opportunities to expand and grow.

What if the next time you find yourself “jumping to conclusions” you take a moment to pause and listen first? Maybe there will be a nugget in there for you to learn….

Who completes you?

Are you feeling a little out of sorts these days? You’re definitely not alone.

Maybe you remember that line from the movie “Jerry Maguire”…'you complete me'…

As human beings we are wired to connect. It’s not a fault in the system. We are pack animals. We rely on each other to fill-in in the blind spots or gaps for each other and to amplify each others strengths. In the past year or so this lack of ability to operate as we usually did is starting to take its toll on people.

The coffee station chit chat serves a real purpose. Poking your head into a colleague’s office enroute to a meeting to get a quick piece of information or to bounce some last minute idea off them. Even those introverts who used to sit in the local coffee shop are missing the energy of others. It matters.

These seemingly minor interactions were what helped us to be more whole. Not in the woo woo way but rather in the way that we are as humans. We cannot see ourselves. We need others to complete us. To help us to be our best and bring our best stuff.

How is this affecting people? The words that I have heard from clients and friends: they are feeling burnt out, fuzzy, like they are not firing on all cylinders, unclear - the list goes on. Connection matters. Someone to help you be your best.

So today, what if you pick up that phone or invite someone to a Zoom to chat. It matters. Connection matters.

If you're looking for someone to help fill in the gaps for you please  Contact me for a zero obligation chat. It's always good to hear from you!

Stay well.

Warmly,

Ann