Are you stressed out?

Of course you are!

Just look at where we are almost one year later. We didn't sign up for this, no one signed up for this and everyone, everyone has been affected in some way, shape or form. So why did I ask you if you're stressed out?

I'm not suggesting you "calm" down...we all know how that goes over and quite frankly, you can't get there from the intense feelings you are having. However, if you pull apart the threads of stress and relabel them as perhaps another "sensation" then all of a sudden you have options.

I just finished the second weekend of our NLP Practitioner training on Growth Mindset and we spent one full day on stress. The idea that if we reframe stress so that it is a behaviour we do rather than something that happens to us then we become empowered to find the utility within it. I know. Ouch. If it's a behaviour then we have some say in whether or not we want to change it. It's much easier to think of stress as something that is happening to us because of circumstances outside of our control rather than a behavioural response we have to something. So much easier to blame something/one else.

Stay with me here for a second. Think about it. If every time you feel certain sensations in your body you call it "stress", what are you possibly ruling out? Maybe for you stress shows up as an increased heart rate or a tension that occurs in some of your muscles or how you stand, perhaps even a little bit of adrenalin - ask yourself -"what else could this be"?

So take a minute right now to try this. (I suggest that you read through first and then do)

• Think of a time you were motivated to do something. Whatever pops up in your head right now, trust that it came up for a useful reason.

• Now, go back to that particular memory that just came up for you and explore it for a minute or two. Maybe close your eyes and really re-live that experience of what it was like for you to be motivated to do something.

• Notice where being motivated shows up for you in your body. Track down through your body from the top of your head to the tip of your toes and notice what sensations you may be feeling physically. Tension /relaxation, tingling/tightness, warmth /coolness, faster heart beat etc.

• Then check in with what you were hearing in this particular memory. Was there sound in your head? Was there sound outside of your head? Notice loudness or softness, how near or far the sound was from you. Did it have a rhythm?

• Now check in with your vision in this particular memory of being motivated to do something. Notice if the picture is still or moving. Colour or black and white. In focus or blurry. Are you in the picture or is the picture through your own eyes? If you can't see a picture, imagine what it would look like.

You could also try remembering a time when you felt strong, alert or energetic, any state of being that has some tension and energy in it; maybe some adrenalin and an increased heart rate as well. When you stop and relabel those feelings in your body (because I'm thinking that this is the first notification you get that tells you that you are stressed) notice what is different when you change the meaning.

How do you do this when you start feeling stressed? By practicing other options for those feelings when you are not experiencing stress. Then when you start to feel those sensations you can check in with yourself and ask, is this really stress? What else could it be?

Now you have options for those sensations and who doesn't like options?

If you would like to explore other options for stress, feel free to Contact me for a zero obligation chat. It's always good to hear from you!

This is your reminder to take a minute....

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it". Ferris Bueller.

Ah. Love Ferris Bueller and that quote in particular.

Pausing to take a look around, see where you are and maybe see how far you've come? And in these crazy times? Maybe pausing to check in with yourself and realize that this "temporary" situation is lasting longer than many of us thought it might. Perhaps it's time to stop wishing for and waiting until you fill in the blank here... because while you're wishing for and waiting until whatever that thing or situation is, you are missing the very thing, the only thing as a matter of fact, that matters, which is the present moment. Where you are right now.


I am just as guilty as everyone else on this front. Yes! Even people whose profession it is to know these things can slide and I may even argue that we can be guilty of this more than others. Kind of like the shoe maker's kids who have no shoes, people in the "helping" professions often put themselves last on their list. Lucky for me I have several truth tellers in my life who call me out on this behaviour. Doing doing doing... until the overwhelm hits. Then I am forced to take the pause. It's definitely a learning curve. Practice, Fail, Learn, Forgive and Repeat.

How about you? How do you ensure that you take a pause?

Once again I refer to my meditation practice. This morning I was doing a live meditation on the app that I use. When the meditation guide asked people to indicate how they were feeling here were some of the words that came up repeatedly: exhausted, overwhelmed, anxious, cloudy, confused, messy, frustrated, resentful...and the list went on.

It was the wake up call for me to put out this blog today. I wanted to acknowledge all of you and remind you that nothing is permanent. Nothing. While it may be difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Rest assured that it's there.

So my message today is simple and maybe not easy. Take some time for your breath. Even a minute makes a difference. Deeply inhaling and exhaling with a pause at the top of the breath and the bottom of the breath. I promise you, if you do this in the morning before the day gets away on you, you WILL notice a difference in how your day unfolds.

And, by the way for those of you who are curious, at the end of the meditation the guide asked how everyone was feeling and the words had shifted. Calm, ready for my day, less anxious, more clear.... This sh*t works!

So back to you my friends. Let that breath work for you. In those moments before you get out of bed, when you brush your teeth, prepare your coffee or tea....these little steps will make a difference.

Stay well.
Warmly,
Ann

What are you ready to let go of today?

What are you ready to let go of today?

This is a big question. It came up in my mediation this morning and it was so powerful that I thought I would ask you.

During these unprecedented times we can continue to take more and more on. Even as I write this my chest gets a little tight...what can I let go of?

I am going to gently suggest that just like breathing where you can't take the next breath until you release the previous one, you also can't continually take things on without letting something else go. I'm not suggesting a huge thing here. Choose something small, start there. Maybe it's an expectation you have of someone else that they aren't able to meet right now. Or an attitude you have been carrying around with you that isn't useful anymore. It could be a particular idea you have about how something should be that is starting to weigh you down.

Maybe it is an expectation you have of yourself. This can be a bit more tricky. Why? I've noticed that we tend to cut others slack, however when it comes to ourselves we sometimes set the bar in a different place and it's usually higher. It is okay for others to take a break but for some reason this doesn't seem to apply to us.

Taking more and more on is simply not sustainable. Maybe you will be able to get it all done...but at what cost? So I'll gently ask you to check in with yourself by asking this question:

What am I ready let go of today?

Whatever pops up for you. Let that be the answer. And then tomorrow ask yourself this question again. Let it be small. Let it be easy.

Stay well and be kind to yourself.

It's time to say goodbye to 2020!

It's New Year's Eve and the countdown is on.

This one in particular seems to be holding a lot of weight...it officially marks the end of the unprecedented year that was 2020 and introduces a new year of more unknown and I'd like to think it is also filled with hope. Hope for the help on the horizon to be realized. Hope for the continued resilience to see this through.

Hope.

I typically love this time of year. It's a chance to say goodbye, to close the door on some things and offers the opportunity to welcome new possibilities. For me, this is still true. How about you? Rather than making resolutions, I have always preferred to take some time to reflect on the year that was. The highs, lows, successes and failures. All of it. This year's reflection will definitely look different!

How about you? Do you have a special way to mark the end of the year? Do you have a ritual for planning the next year? How different will it be for you this year?

New beginnings, cleaning the slate, starting over...just a few of the ways some people refer to a New Year. While cleaning the slate and starting fresh may sound attractive, looking at the end of the year and the approaching New Year in a way that encompasses what is already there can be a useful place to start before you add things on.
I'd like to offer this quick practice that I have been doing over the last several years, it doesn't take a lot of time and you may be surprised by what pops up for you. I have made some edits and additions this year and I hope they resonate for you. The key here is to let what bubbles up be the answer, no second guessing... trust your brain! Then get curious after. Feel free to grab a piece of paper and something to write with if you wish.

• What do I want to leave behind?

What better time than the end of a year to ask yourself this question? We carry so many things with us year over year maybe it's time to leave behind the things that are keeping you stuck or holding you back. Perhaps its a relationship you have outgrown, a habit or feeling that you are done with, an attitude or even a tangible "thing"? Just notice what comes to mind for you.

• What do I want to keep?

I am guessing that there are many things you may want to keep. While setting new goals is always exciting, it is important to remember some of the stuff that you already have that is pretty great. Relationships, health, friendships, work, useful practices that you do etc. Or maybe something new that you started out of necessity this year that you want to carry forward, a different way of working perhaps, a new relationship or a new habit that you started in 2020 that has been useful for you.

• What do I want to add or have more of in 2021?

While "adding" always sounds good, you may already have some things in your life that you just want more of - family and friend time or me time. Maybe you want to start a new thing? Perhaps it's about having more choices in a current situation. Whatever surfaces for you, take note.

• What have I put on hold that I am now ready to look at?
  

One thing that has become even more clear this year is that there is no perfect time to do that thing you want to do. Even in a holding pattern, there is movement...sometimes slight but movement nevertheless.

.and maybe most useful...

• What have I learned about myself this year?

One thing 2020 has done is create multiple opportunities to learn and adapt, especially on the work front. How to manage the never ending online meetings and demands of being at home, often with others and the continuous competing priorities. I'm guessing you have adapted as best you can. So my question for you to ponder is "what did you learn about yourself"? Amidst all of the upheaval and persistent changes, what have you learned about you?

I am always intrigued by what comes up by running through this process. It can create food for thought .. which is the point by the way....to get you thinking. No matter what surfaces for you I do hope that it is useful.
If you end up discovering that you're ready to re-look at that thing you put on hold and would like a leg up please feel free to Contact me for a zero obligation chat. Its always good to hear from you!
Most of all, I hope that you stay well.

Is it really too late?

What if there’s still time?

December 2020.  Finally! or Already?  Depends on your perspective. 

 Just checking in with you.  Have you stopped pursuing goals that you set way back...you know....before the world changed? Or maybe you've been thinking of something and you can't seem to get started?

If you're thinking that its too late, the year is almost over, I failed etc.  I want you to know that it is NEVER too late to take a step in the direction you want to go in. And quite frankly, just one step will make a difference. That can be all it takes to start the ball rolling. Just. One. Step. 

This year has been so unusual you may not feel like you've got anything left in the tank to start something or maybe continue something you put on hold.

Here's  something to consider: the thing about setting goals is that they give your brain something to do other than just keeping you safe and alive (which is its number one job). Don't give it something to do and it will spend all its energy finding threats to your safety.  It will essentially turn every stick you see into a snake. 

Give it something else to do, even the smallest of goals and then notice what happens for you.  All of a sudden the world seems brighter, you have more energy and there's a whole lot of sticks lying around that you don't even notice anymore. You've got something else to do and that brain of yours will help you to find opportunities to get it. 

It is possible to start planning to be where you want to be in 2021. The world has changed but that doesn't mean you can't make it a friendlier place. Your goals may look different then they typically do but that doesn't mean you continue to "wait until"...to pursue them.  The time is going to continue to pass regardless of how you spend it.  Why not take one step to start working towards something you want. 

You'll feel better. I promise.

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Your response to this question may be to cringe or light up…it depends….

If someone had asked me this question five years ago I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have been able to predict where I am now. It was just over five years ago that I opened "Stepping Stone Coaching & Consulting" for business!! Yes, I set goals and made plans and also, I let myself be open to the opportunities that came along. Some worked out, some didn't and this is the ebb and flow. The valleys make the peaks all the more amazing. So, if you are reading this and are a client or a previous client...thank you! I am blessed to do the work I do.
But back to my original question...where do you see yourself in five years? This was one of those typical interview questions that made me sweat. Why? Truthfully, I had no idea at all where I would be in five years. None. I couldn't "see" anything other than the insides of my eyelids when I tried to imagine it. I wonder if this question is still being asked....
What may be useful sometimes, is to look BACK five years and notice where you are now vs. then. Notice all the things that you did or didn't do that lead you to where you are now. A sum total of those decisions you have made. Happy with them? Great, you can keep doing what you're doing. Not so happy? Also great, you can decide to make some changes to get you closer to what you want.
So how does one go about doing this? Looking back isn't going to be helpful if there isn't a way to do it. Here I will make some suggestions for what you may want to look for. You're going to want to grab a piece of paper and something to write with while you do this.
Start by thinking of a particular situation that you would like to explore for this exercise - a goal you achieved - maybe it is the job you are in, a current relationship or a physical/health goal that you achieved. Pick one thing.
Behaviours - as you trace back through the past five years, what behaviours come to mind that you consistently did that lead you to be where you are now? Take a pause now and set a timer for a minimum of five minutes (7-10 is even better) and write whatever comes up as an answer to this question for you. The key here is to keep writing the entire time, don't let your pen leave the paper. If you don't know what to write then doodle or write "I don't know what to write" trust that your brain will give you something useful.
Skills, Strengths and Capabilities - check in with yourself and notice what comes to mind for you - what are the skills, strengths and capabilities you utilized that resulted in you being where you are now? Take a pause again, put pen or pencil to paper and explore for five to 10 minutes and see what surfaces for you.
Beliefs - what beliefs did you have about yourself, the world around you and the people in it that supported and shaped where you are now? Grab that paper again...you know the drill.
Identity - who were you as you did all of those behaviours, skills and had those beliefs? You may want to finish the sentence "I am a person who..." Take some time to write again.
What do you notice about how you achieved that goal? How can you use this information as you now look forward five years? What behaviours and beliefs will you keep? What other skills, strengths and capabilities would be helpful? What would you like to change?

Is it time to let it go?

It has been five months or so now.  You know what I am talking about.  Five months. There have been a lot of changes that have occurred and I'm guessing still more to come.  One thing that seems to be sure is that there is no going back to the "way it was".  It's kind of like trying to put the toothpaste back in the tube after you've squeezed it...it just doesn't go back to how it was.  You may be able to jam some of it back but it's going to be messy!

There are simply some things that we are going to have to come to terms with. New ways. Letting go of things that just won't work anymore....

Do you have something hanging around in the back of your mind that you are ready to take a final look at? It doesn't necessarily mean that the situation is going away, it may mean that you are ready to stop ruminating over it.  It doesn't have to be something big, just something that has been "niggling" at you and perhaps taking up a little more bandwidth then you would like it to.

Think of that thing now.

That brain of yours has a sneaky way of sending you something right when you need it and not necessarily something you have thought of in a while. Thinking of your particular situation now, here is some perspective for you to consider when you are holding on to something. 

Letting go is not the same as giving up.  Read that again. Letting go often results in a feeling of "lightness" whereas giving up can result in a feeling of "defeat". They are different.

Being ready to let go of something can be a big decision. It means saying I am done with this, whatever that means for you in this moment. Maybe it is an attitude or a way of thinking that is creating an obstacle for you? Perhaps you are hanging on to a relationship that you have outgrown, a job that has run its course for you or, it could literally be a material, tangible thing.   Is it possibly a situation that is truly beyond your control? Whatever popped up for you came up for a reason. Ask yourself. What can I choose to let go of in this situation?

By letting something go, you open up space for something else to come in. Maybe something that has been at the back of your mind that you have been ruling out, an idea or a perspective that you haven’t considered in a while or perhaps it is opening up space to explore something completely new. Take some time right now to let something bubble to the surface for you.

That thing. What if you had space to let that in? What could be different for you?

There are going to be situations in your life that you wish were different and you cannot change them. Letting go of your expectations and embracing how it is rather than how you think it should be is freeing. 

So think about that thing now.  What is different when you let that thing go?

If you are having trouble letting go Contact me for a zero obligation chat to learn more about me and my coaching approach!

Can you go the distance?

A tricky question to answer when you don’t know what the distance is….

Yet still possible to do. Uncertainty. What is one to do when we are in a race we didn't sign up for and the distance has not been defined? Not having a clear idea of when it will be over. Far more than a marathon by now....
How DO you keep going when the finish line continues to be on the horizon?
If you have ever run a race you know that preparation is a must. Most people would not put on their running shoes ala "Forrest Gump" and decide to run without preparing first. It takes a plan that includes rest, fuel, flexibility and a running partner or coach. While the urge at times may be to "keep on pushing through" - any solid training plan includes at least these elements.
I know you didn't plan on this happening, none of us did. And it is never too late to create a plan for managing your race.
Here are some suggestions for continuing to stay in the "marathon" during these continued times of uncertainty.
While the running seems to be the obvious part - it is the other perhaps less obvious elements that contribute to staying the course over the long haul.
Rest.
Yes, rest. Taking time to let yourself recharge. Runners know this. Taking a day off. Not only does it allow the small muscle tears that have occurred to heal it allows you to come back stronger and energized for the next leg of the journey. Rest is often the unsung hero in staying the course no matter what your "race" may look like.
Take some time to figure out what rest looks like for you. How do you recharge?

Fuel.
I'm not referring to the obvious here although proper nutrition is key to successfully keep going the distance. I am referring to the other parts of you that require your attention - your heart and your mind. Those elements that are equally important in keeping the whole self in tip top shape. Maybe it is taking the time to be with loved ones or doing some meditation or some other form of mindfulness. Taking the time to notice when you need to take a few breaths and then doing it. Maybe your fuel is walking outside or remembering something that you are grateful for. These elements are important for fueling your heart and mind.
Take a minute to think about two things you can do to fuel your heart and mind.

Training Partners and Coaches.
We are social beings. Having others to go the distance with us or to guide us along the way isn't being needy, it is being human. We are meant to be with others and lets face it, the race is much more enjoyable when we have someone else to share the hills and bumps with along the way.
Who is on your team right now?
Be flexible.
There are going to be days that you don't want to lace up and other days when you want to do an extra kilometre or two. Remember that not everyone feels like you do. The race is different for everyone. Respect where you are and try to understand where others are.
Where could you be more flexible?
The endurance event we are in is like none other we have ever experienced. Remember: Be kind. Be patient. With others and maybe more importantly - yourself.

Stay well.

What are you looking forward to?

I’m pretty sure that someone famous once said “this too shall pass”... and it will.

When it does, what are you looking forward to?  Take a moment now to think about two or three things that come to mind…just let them bubble up. I’m guessing that they will probably be pretty simple things.  Just notice what came to mind for you.

I have been asking around, doing an unscientific study. I asked approximately 40 people (maybe you were one of them?) to tell me the two or three things they are looking forward to when we begin our new "normal" after the dust settles. Hands down, the number one answer that people say they are looking forward to?

HUGS.

Hugs from friends, family and partners that they have been physically separated from for the past while.

HUGS.

What else came up for people?

• "Seeing friends" whether it is for a coffee date, a pint, a glass of wine or a backyard gathering - actually being with people.

• "Freedom" to make plans. Whether they are for travel, concerts , to go to the local playground with their kids, or just to be able to drop into the local grocery store without a mask and gloves.

• "Getting back to routine" going to the gym, giving in person training, participating in clubs etc. that they used to participate in.

• And for my healthcare professional friends? Not being afraid to go to work. Take that in.

How telling are these responses? What really IS important?

We have been given a chance to pause, reflect and then hit the reset button. This is not a “do over” it is a reset, a chance to “start over”  on a clean page. 
This is where the opportunity is, the pause. Notice. What are you learning as an individual and what are we collectively learning? 
Reflect. What is really important to us vs. what we may have thought was really important before?  This is our opportunity now. We have all been forced to adapt, make adjustments. Ask yourself: what temporary changes have I made that will become permanent? What do I want to continue doing moving forward?  How can I remember these lessons when I am back in the thick of things again?
Reset. How do we want to navigate moving forward? One thing I am thinking is that there will be no "back to normal". We now have a chance to create our "new normal". How can we capitalize on this opportunity? What can we make better?
That's a whole lot of thinking to do. In the meantime - what are you looking forward to when this is over?

Stay well.

The illusion of control...

NOTE: this was written in 2019 and never published, I discovered it in my draft box on March 29th, 2020..ironic?
Do you subscribe to the idea or illusion of "control"? I have been thinking about writing this one for a while now. If you have been reading my stuff for a while you know that I write about the things I hear, things that people talk about with me or around me and sometimes about my own experiences. This one probably touches on all of those.
Control ~ "the power to influence or direct people's behaviour or the course of events"
That sounds like a lot of responsibility to me, yet I hear it all the time. I catch people saying it "control". For some, it is a simply a figure of speech. For others however, it can be a behaviour that is limiting them from so much. Control and its very close cousin, perfection often go hand in hand and they can be a destructive pair. The idea of having control sounds harmless enough yet, when you dig deeper it often reveals something else. Control can be a front for fear, avoidance, safety- just to name a few motivations lurking below the surface. The key is to figure out which one of these is driving the control bus and then to unpack it just enough to work on changing the thinking around it.
Quickest way to realize you actually have no control?
Have a baby, get a puppy or kitten. Then who really has control?
We want to control the puppy or our children's behaviour when they are "acting out"; we want to control our partner's choices when they do not reflect what we might do. We have this illusion that we know how to "do it the right way". It can create a rigid way of being. Rigid, that doesn't sound like a word that anyone I know would like to be described as, yet, this is what they want in their life....control. The master plan with no deviations. I am afraid that it does not exist. Life will definitely throw you some curve balls just to remind you of this.(I could not have foreseen the irony here!)
I am not going to pretend that I am even remotely close to being an expert on this one although I must confess that I have worked with more than a few people who live under this illusion. Usually with a price tag that includes anxiety, sometimes irritability and often dissatisfaction.
As with any quality, control has its place. I'm guessing that if you are driving in snow and you hit a patch of ice, you may want to be able to control your car? Just think for a moment what "control" does in this situation. Your focus narrows with one outcome in mind and anything in the periphery is gone. 100% appropriate and necessary for the situation. Now think how the "control" of other things may mimic this exact type of behaviour - single focus, inability to see anything beyond what is directly in front of you. Tunnel vision.
I work with people who are interested in changing the way they think or behave and are stuck in a fog trying to figure it out. Slowly working together with an approach that blends a process with conversation and compassion creates an environment where slow, sustainable changes can happen. The result in the long term? Transformative change.
What are you ready to let go of?