What can Goldilocks teach you about stress?

More than you might think...

"Goldilocks" knew when the chair, the porridge and the bed were just right. Not too hot, too soft, not too...you're getting the picture.

Stress is kind of like that. Too much and our circuits can get overwhelmed; too little and we have no oomph to get things done.  The sweet spot? Just the right amount to give us the energy to perform.

Wouldn't you like to have the right amount of stress? It's possible. It takes a willingness to look at stress differently, and as much as we say we want "different", as soon as we open that door, it's very easy to turn and run back. Why would you run back to stress?  Because it has benefits. Yes. Benefits.

There's definitely something about a little bit of healthy stress - that boost of adrenalin - that makes us feel motivated and energetic and ready to get that thing done. Performance pressure perhaps? Whatever you want to call it, it definitely helps to get s**t done.  But let's face it, no one wants to be in that state all of the time.  It would be exhausting.

The thing is, when you label everything as stress or stressful, you're ruling out other options. When you decide to look at the energy of stress in a more useful way, you can tap into it, rather than letting it take over. In the right amount, stress can provide strength, motivation and alertness.  But first? You have to be willing to look at stress as something you do vs. something outside of you.  When you do this, stress becomes a behaviour and the good news here is that you have a say in your behaviour.
 
When you are able to do this, you will be able to gain some power over it so you can harness it for something useful.  Let's face it, those feelings are REAL and, you can channel them into more useful states.

I'm not suggesting you go from stressed to calm, it's not possible.  You can't get from stressed to calm in one go...it's just too many jumps...

BUT...

You can move from stress to: strong, energized, and alert, for example, or other similar states that have some energy and oomph to them.   

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

When you find yourself feeling "stressed out" :

• Ask yourself -how else could I label these feelings that would be more useful for me? (For example: strong, energetic, motivated)

• Pick one of these alternatives for stress - sit with it for a moment.  I suggest remembering a real time you felt that particular feeling - e.g.  time you felt strong - let it bubble up for you and then explore what it felt like in your body.

• Ask yourself if I was feeling strong, what would be different about this situation?

• Repeat once or twice by picking another feeling that has some oomph to it.

• Now, notice what feels different after you have relabelled stress to something more useful?

Is stress getting in the way of your performance? Contact me  One thing that's become increasingly clear to me? Going it alone is not ideal.

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

What can Goldilocks teach you about stress?

Are you prepared to go "the distance"?

Plan for the pit stops.

On the way to getting that thing that you want, there are going to be moments where you may need to check in.

Going the distance. What exactly does that mean? As a former half-marathoner, I literally know what it means to go 'a distance' but going 'the distance'  feels different. Perhaps because it's not as specific. The unknown.

When you're unsure of the distance, or running in unpredictable conditions, preparing for pit stops along the way just makes good sense.  Pausing to re-fuel, catch your breath and re-energize.  Maybe even take a peek at the roadmap to ensure that you are still headed in the right direction?

Here are a couple of questions to consider as pit stops as you continue running towards what you want....
 

Stay the course, or change the course?

From time to time, pause to assess whether you want to keep heading where you're going, or if you want to change direction. There's often more than one way to get somewhere, and most pathways are not linear. That's actually what makes achieving the final outcome so rewarding. Is it time to change direction?

Do you need to make a path, or take a path? Both can be useful.

Sometimes someone has already done the legwork and it makes sense to walk in their footsteps. Soak up their experience. That's where a mentor may be helpful.

Then there may be times when no one else has quite done the thing you want to do. This is where you will need to be brave and create your own path. That's where a coach to guide you may be helpful.

Take a look back for a moment.

There's nothing like 20/20 hindsight to bring clarity to a situation, to help you get your bearings again. Perspective. Actually being able to see how far you've come. This can often be quite enlightening. You may be quite surprised to see how far you've come already. Use this inspiration to propel you forward.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

Pick one thing that you're working towards where you're running out of steam.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I stay the course or change the course?

• Where do I need to make a path?

• Where could I benefit by walking in someone else's footsteps?

Reflect.

• Take a look back at how far you've come. Use this inspiration as fuel.

Now get back to it! You've got this.

Is perfection stopping you from progressing? Contact me  One thing that's become increasingly clear to me? Going it alone is not ideal.

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Are you prepared to go the distance?

Not feeling it?

I hear you.

You've been hustling: Putting yourself out there. Trying new things, asking the questions. fumbling and getting back up. Staying the course and making stuff happen, and it's only February!

Then, all of a sudden, you hit an inevitable bump. Now what?

For me?  That bump came yesterday.  For those of you paying attention, I typically release a blog on Thursday mornings. But not this week. I got thrown off my game and rather than acknowledging that I wasn't in the right headspace to write, I started trying to force myself to "put something out there".  I don't know about you, but whenever I start forcing anything, the result I'm looking for always eludes me.  After drafting three blogs and not being satisfied with any of them I stopped myself. What was the point of this?  Trying harder is never a good strategy.

So what did I do?

I took a breath, admitted that the blog was not going to happen and shut my computer down.

Allowing myself to let it go.  Not an easy feat for me, and also a great lesson.  In my line of work I am continually supporting clients in growing their strengths and showing up in their best state to do what they want to do.  This includes acknowledging when that growth requires a nudge and sometimes accepting when they need to take a breath and pause. For some reason,  I don't apply this practice to myself - sound familiar to anyone out there?
 

I want you to consider this blog a public service today. 

It’s normal to come up against a bump every now and then.  What I want to  normalize (for myself too!) is that it is okay to step back and acknowledge the bump, take a breath, pause and reset. We're all human here!


Are you ready to stop pushing and start progressing? Contact me  One thing that's become increasingly clear to me? Going it alone is not ideal.

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Not feeling it?

Are you ready to throw in the towel?

Progress over perfection. 

It's February. Still really early in the year. I wanted to send a brief message this week for all of us...

Have you embarked on learning a new skill, or perhaps attempting to change something you typically do?  This is often how a new year begins. It's exciting to have fresh energy at the beginning of the year and we can set off with great intentions. Then it gets difficult.  We just want to jump to the end...you know...the part where you have it all figured out? Tick that box. Move forward.

There can be discomfort in making the inevitable mistakes that come along with wanting to do something new or different.  It's called learning.

We don't do a great job of normalizing the fact that when we are learning or trying something NEW it will be uncomfortable.  Why?  Because our brains like homeostasis. They do not want to do something different, even if it is for very good reasons.

So what do you do?  Recognize that the discomfort is real. Doing something new is going to take up a lot of bandwidth initially. That doesn't mean that you give up!  Remember the first time you tied your shoes, or any other skill you do now without giving it a second thought? Probably not.  This is because it became automatic over time and now you just do it.  

So what can you do?

Practice. Fail. Learn. Repeat.

Perfection...deep down we all know there's no such thing. Aiming for perfection can lead to throwing in the towel before you even get going.

Progression is the willingness to keep trying. Persisting and forgiving yourself when the inevitable "fails" occur.  Knowing that failure is part of the process and being willing to brush yourself off and keep going.  That's what it's all about.


Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Before you throw in the towel, take a minute to check in with yourself.  Do you really want to throw in the towel, or do you need to be a bit more gentle with yourself?  Let the answer bubble up.

Progress over perfection.  Practice. Fail. Learn. Repeat.

You've got this.

Is perfection stopping you from progressing? Contact me  One thing that's become increasingly clear to me? Going it alone is not ideal.

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Are you ready to throw in the towel?

Now that I have your attention...

Let’s explore…

Last week I sent out a blog post about “the confidence myth” and the response was unprecedented. Clearly, the message struck a chord and I thought perhaps we could explore this thing called confidence a little more.

Come with me.

According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary https://www.merriam-webster.com/, here are some of the definitions of “confidence”:

• a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something

• the feeling of being certain that something will happen or that something is true

• stresses faith in oneself and one's powers without any suggestion of conceit or arrogance

…and the list goes on.

My point? There are a couple actually!  First, I want to call your attention to the fact that the word "feeling" is part of the definition of confidence. Second, there's no catch all definition of confidence for everyone.

There isn’t a particular recipe to follow for everyone. BUT, there IS a particular recipe for YOU! That’s good news!

What it means to me, versus what it means to you, will vary: depending on the particular situation, and, our own personal experiences.

Think about it: No two people are exactly alike, and so their experience of the very same situation will be different.

Has this ever happened to you?

You and another person, often someone close to you, are telling someone else about a shared experience you had.  As you listen to your partner you may, in your head (but usually out loud!), start to add in the details you think they are missing, or dispute the details they have provided.  The thing is, both of you are correct. Yikes.  This is true.  We put our own lens on an experience and takeaway what resonates for us. This can also change over time, each time we re-visit the story, we may find another detail to notice.

Confidence is similar.  It's as individual as the person experiencing it. It's not one particular state, rather, it may be a blend of several that result in confidence. It will vary for a particular situation. My recipe and yours are inevitably going to be different and, they will be different depending on the circumstance.

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Let's play! Think of a situation where you want to be confident.  Keep it simple, you're practicing.

• Remember a time you succeeded at something - let that thing bubble up now.  As you do, track though your body to notice any physical sensations - remembering the definition of confident, and that "feeling", is a part of it.

• Now, remember a time you were certain and again, notice what shows up in your body, perhaps there's a change in your breath or posture.

• Finally, remember a time when you had faith in yourself.

• Now think about that situation where you want to be confident and notice  - what's different now?

I guarantee you that no two people reading this and doing this exercise came up with the same things. Your "confidence recipe" is unique to you and your particular circumstances, AND it will vary depending upon the situation you are in.

Want to explore your "confidence recipe" for a particular situation? Contact me  One thing that's become increasingly clear to me? Going it alone is not ideal.

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Have you heard about the confidence myth?

It’s a lie…

Have you heard the myth? Apparently, once you reach a certain level of accomplishment, you will never again experience a lack of self-confidence...

I’m going to take you back to when I first started my coaching business. I was beta testing my business card ideas with a group of people from various business backgrounds. I still remember laying all of the cards out and asking for input, wondering what would resonate for this group. 

One of the cards had my title as “Confidence Coach”. Very quickly, and in no uncertain terms, one of the male participants said “there’s no way I would ever work with you if that was on your business card”. I was curious, so obviously I asked him why. His response was along the lines of “I wouldn’t want anyone to think I didn’t have confidence”. Notice he wasn’t saying that it wasn’t true, just that he wouldn’t want others to think that he didn't have confidence.

That card got kyboshed, however, if you happen to have one of my business cards you will see that the tagline is: Get Clear. Get Confident. Get Going.

Why am I writing about this?

Six and a half years ago it was true, and it’s still true today. Few clients will approach me and say that they want more confidence, yet, it almost always comes up, eventually.

Most recently I was having a conversation with an executive level person. They described to me how they got their role, the leadership style they were growing and some of the challenges they were facing. They were nothing short of impressive.

As we were moving towards the end of our conversation, I was explaining a little bit about my coaching style and what clients typically hire me for. I explained that sometimes clients were looking for confidence to walk into that meeting, or situation, and that my work was to prepare them for that situation: To get them in their best performance state, so they could achieve the results they desired.

They stopped me in my tracks. “You mean I’m not the only one?” Their response was: first, surprise, quickly followed by relief. I laughed and said “absolutely not"!  Yet this is the myth that everyone likes to pretend is true. The myth that: Apparently, once you reach a certain level of accomplishment, you will never again experience a lack of self-confidence...  

I might challenge that it comes up more. The expectations that high performers put on themselves to know it all, and have all the answers, is the perfect recipe for a dip in confidence.

Almost everyone I’ve encountered, client or not- feels a lack of self-confidence from time to time. Some just hide it better than others.

I help people who have forgotten what it feels like to be confident, to remember what it was like, and carry that forward into situations they are managing now. And you know what? It works!

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

When the self doubt starts creeping in, regardless of the situation:

• Stop.

• Take a breath.
  

• Ask yourself to remember a time when you were confident. It doesn't have to be a "big" thing, maybe you knew you were going to be able to open the pickle jar on your first try.  Keep it simple.

• Then track through what that actually felt like in your body. Maybe your posture changes or your breath deepens. Just notice what it felt like. 

• Remember: You know how to "do" confidence.  Sometimes, you just need a little reminder.

Noticing that you're feeling a little unsure or your confidence has taken a holiday? Contact me  One thing that's become increasingly clear to me? Going it alone is not ideal.

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

What do you want more than what you don't want?

Come again?

It's so easy to get caught up in what you don't want.  We tend to be very clear about the things we don't want, or want to avoid. We give all of our energy and attention to this, and forget to place our attention on what we do want.  Knowing what you don't want is useful information.  What can happen, however,  is that you can spend so much time and attention focussing on what you don't want, that you overlook thinking about what you actually do want. 

I recently had a conversation with a client who was adamant about a situation they wanted to avoid.  It was occupying so much of their thoughts that they were actually losing sleep over it.  When I shifted the conversation to figuring out what they wanted instead...click...the lightbulb went on.  Rather than losing sleep about what they wanted to avoid, they became energized about the thing that they actually wanted. Clarity.  Last time I checked in with them they were not only well on their way towards getting what they wanted, they said they were pausing in other situations to check in. They would stop and ask themselves the question I am asking you: "What do you want more than what you don't want"? Powerful.

This is most definitely the first step in getting what you want. Identifying it. Sounds simple doesn't it? 

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Notice your inner (and maybe outer too!) dialogue.  I want you to notice and catch yourself when you're giving attention to the things that you don't want.  It could be as simple as, "I don't want my tea to get cold". Whenever you find yourself going down that path:

• Pause

• Take a moment to take a breath.

• Then, ask yourself: What do I WANT instead?

• In the tea example? It could be: I want to finish my hot tea before I move onto something else.

• It doesn't have to be complicated, you're working on changing a pattern of behaviour. Be kind to yourself. Practice.

Start there. Notice what happens.


One thing that's become increasingly clear to me? Going it alone is not ideal.  Contact me  Let's get you moving towards what you want!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Is it a setback?

Or is it a setup?

It's 2022. I think by now it's safe to say: Things don't always work out how we may want them to. 

Just when we thought we were over yet another hump, another one showed up. Now here we are. A setback. 

It's easy in the moment to find the challenges in a setback - "I'm so done, if this wasn't happening I'd… I'd rather be…or I wish…etc."

What I've noticed in my own experience, and perhaps you might agree, is that with hindsight, a "setback" is often what becomes the setup. A "stepping stone" of sorts.  It's usually not obvious in the moment, that's why the hindsight seems to be key. When we're in the thick of the forest it's hard to see actual trees.

I'm thinking that we've all had setbacks before.  It's a part of life.  My guess is that there's usually some wisdom to be gained from looking at how we have managed setbacks in the past.  Looking back can be useful because... you made it through. You can see how the setback paved the way for something else.
 

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...


Think of a setback you had in the past that you now believe was actually a setup for something that would not have been possible otherwise.

• As you do, notice what things looked like through your eyes at the time.

• If someone else was in this situation, how would they describe it?

• If you back up a bit more, what might an onlooker have said about this situation?

• If it was a story or someone was writing a blog about it, what would it say?

Get up and go for a walk or just stretch and move for a couple of minutes or so.

Now think about where you are now and perhaps somethingsmallthat you are thinking is a setback.

• Think about the situation from your perspective.

• What might someone else, not involved in the situation, perhaps someone who loves you, or respects you, say about this situation?

• Back it up further and maybe notice what someone back in the bleachers might notice about it?

• If you look ahead a few years, how would you describe this situation to someone else?

Sometimes, a setback is an opportunity to progress and grow elsewhere. The opening for the next thing you're meant to be doing, having or being.

One thing that has become increasingly clear to me? Going it alone is not ideal.  Contact me Maybe reaching out in 2022 is a good idea?

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Is it time to make the call?

…take action or let it go…

Thinking, thinking and more thinking inevitably leads to one thing: overthinking!

I feel you. I've been dilly dallying around, adapting to being in lockdown again and staying motivated. It's hard. There's one thing I know for sure that always helps me stay motivated...ACTION. Even if it's the smallest of steps, it always provides that oomph I need to keep moving forward.  

Happy 2022!

New Year. Fresh start. Things have changed. Have you checked in with yourself lately? How about those things that have been occupying your mind?  Maybe now's a good time to take a look?

So here's the question: How long have you been thinking about it? Doesn't really matter what "it" is, you can only think about something for so long.

Do you have a decision to make?

I’m not referring to things that may require a lot of thought. I’m referring to the thing that continues to niggle at you; maybe it wakes you up, or stops you from falling asleep. Somehow, it always seems to make it to your "list" but never seems to get any attention. Those things. It's just a little thing and yet it continues to take up a lot of bandwidth. That thing that you think you really want to do or have, that thing that you just can't seem to get around to. 

It doesn’t really matter what it’s about … you can do something, or put it to bed. Take some sort of action. 

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Think about that one thing.  If there's more than one thing, just pick the one that pops into your mind now (you can always do this process with the other thing(s) later).

Ask yourself, is this really something that I want to do or have?   Notice what comes up. Then make the call.

• Hell yes - this is usually a visceral response. Plan the first baby step you will take...now!

• Yes, but not now - maybe you do recognize that you definitely want to do that thing but now isn't the right time. Identify when the right time will be and commit to it.

• No, Never - sometimes all it takes is a moment of really checking in on something to realize that you actually don't want it at all. It may be one of those things that someone else wanted for you and it kept making it to your list. Let it go.

Regardless of what came up for you, it's all a form of action.  Making a decision to say yes to your thing; prioritize it for later or to let it go is taking action.

After making the decision - notice how you feel - many times there's a lightness, a shift in energy. 

It's the start of a New Year! Want to prioritize so you can put your energy where it matters?  Contact me Maybe starting fresh in 2022 is a good idea?

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Before you slam the door on 2021...

Does anyone else feel like 2020 and 2021 just morphed into one year?  Are you having trouble tracking when certain events occurred?  My guess is you're not alone!

 It's almost New Year's Eve and the countdown is on... what if you took a few moments to reflect?

Here we are, perched at the beginning of a New Year, with yet again, so much uncertainty.  I continue to be hopeful, sometimes tired of all of this and, hopeful. 

I typically love this time of year. It's a chance to reflect: Say goodbye to some things that are no longer useful. Recognize things to hang on to and, it offers the opportunity to welcome new possibilities. 

Despite the uncertainty, this still remains true for me. How about you?

I'm not one for making resolutions, I've always preferred taking some time to reflect on the year that was.

How about you? Do you have a special way to mark the end of the year? Do you have a ritual for planning the next year? 

New beginnings, cleaning the slate, starting over...just a few of the ways some people refer to a New Year. While cleaning the slate and starting fresh may sound appealing, especially in these times, there may be a few things you want to hang on to. 

I'd like to offer this quick practice that I've been doing for the last several years; it doesn't take a lot of time and, you may be surprised by what pops up for you. The key here is to let what bubbles up be the answer, no second guessing... trust your brain! Then get curious after.

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out? You're definitely going to want to grab a piece of paper and something to write with...and maybe a timer if you want...
 

Your challenge for the next couple of days? Take some time to explore these questions:

What am I ready to leave behind?

What better time than the end of a year to ask yourself this question? We carry so many things with us year over year, maybe it's time to leave behind the things that are keeping you stuck, or holding you back. Perhaps its a relationship you've outgrown, a habit or feeling that you are done with, an attitude or even a tangible "thing"? Just notice what comes to mind for you.

What do I want to keep?

While setting new goals is always exciting, it's important to remember some of the stuff that you already have that's pretty great. Stuff you may want to keep. Relationships, health, friendships, work, useful practices that you do etc. Or maybe something new that you started out of necessity this year that you want to carry forward? A different way of working perhaps, a new relationship or a new habit that you started in 2021 that has been useful for you.

What do I want to add or have more of in 2022?

While "adding" always sounds good, you may already have some things in your life that you just want more of - family and friend time, me time or you get the idea here. Maybe you want to start a new thing? Perhaps it's about having more choices in a current situation. Whatever surfaces for you, take note.

What have I put on hold that I am now ready to look at?

As another year of restrictions comes to an end, perhaps you're ready to dust something off that you've put aside? One thing that has become even more clear this year is: there is no perfect time to do that thing you want to do. Even in a holding pattern, there is movement...sometimes slight, but movement nevertheless.

...and maybe most useful?

What have I discovered about myself this year?

2021 has continued to provide us with multiple opportunities to learn and adapt. Maybe, after another year, you've taken up a new hobby that surprised you or, you reawakened a previous passion? What practices have you adopted to ensure that you are staying well?  Spend some time pondering "what did I discover about myself?". Amidst all of the upheaval and persistent changes, what have you discovered about you?

I'm always intrigued by what comes up by running through this process. It creates food for thought .. which, is the point by the way....to get you thinking. No matter what surfaces for you I do hope that it's useful.


If you discover that you're ready to re-look at that thing you've put on hold  Contact me  I'd love to help you get what you want in 2022!

Happy New Year! Wishing you continued health, mind, body and spirit.

Cheers,

Ann