Being yourself should feel like freedom...not fear...

Is it time for you to check in?

Hanging out in places and spaces where you're pretending to be something you're not in order to fit in...is effort.

Sometimes you have to put on "the mask". I guess it's part of the whole thing that we sometimes have to do to fit in. This should be the exception, not the rule. Like the 80/20 rule. You should be able to be yourself the majority of the time. 

And if this isn't the case?

Ask yourself, how does it feel when I have to put on a mask?

For me? It feels awkward. Being inauthentic feels like I'm hiding.

I'm not gonna lie. It's never sat well with me. I have a vivid memory of partnering with someone in my past and we were like oil and vinegar in terms of our approach. Me wanting to be me...and they wanting me to be them! They thought I should be more serious because apparently that's more professional...I don't know, maybe it is but that's not being me. Real. Authentic.

It took a lot of effort to wear that mask, that's for sure! And I did it because I thought I had to fit in. 

I know better now.

I'm gonna bet that every one of you reading this can relate in some way. Maybe for you it's not at work. It could be in an extracurricular activity, a family setting, or maybe for you it's something else entirely. Round peg...square hole but you keep trying to squeeze in anyway. Ugh.

The messages that you take in that tell you that being yourself is not acceptable. Being yourself doesn't fit in with the typical way  "you're supposed to be."

I want to argue that. Being yourself can be liberating! It allows you to deliver exactly what you're capable of... your strengths. It helps you to recognize the things that maybe aren't your strengths, so you can work on those areas if they're important to you.

Here's a fact:

When you get hired for a position, enter a relationship, or start anything new, whatever it is, and you're pretending to be someone else...eventually the jig will be up. You'll get found out. Or...if you continue the farce it's going to cost you. Because acting is exhausting. 

Is it time to check in?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Is there somewhere in your life right now where you're putting on a mask to fit in?

Consider these questions:

• Why do I feel like I have to put on a mask in this situation?

  • If it's a short term situation, it may be perfectly fine.

• Is it worth it to "fit in" in this situation?

  • Remember, this should be the exception, not the rule.

• What's the cost of doing this for me?

  • Continuing a farce can be costly...it's exhausting.

Remember...being yourself should feel like freedom...not fear!

It's by being yourself, bringing your unique spin on things to the table that adds value. Diversity. That's what enriches experiences for everyone.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Being yourself should feel like freedom…not fear…

Playing it safe?

Sitting on the fence...staying where you are...biding your time? It happens.

All of these are okay...until they're not.

As humans it feels safe, we're biased towards the familiar, and so consequently, the devil you know will always be better than taking a chance elsewhere. We have a natural bias towards the negative. It served our ancestors well...they actually had to look at every stick as if it was a snake. Just in case.

Because our brain's number one job is to keep us alive, we perceive everything new and different as a potential threat. It's not a fault in your system. It's just a reality.

It's this reality that can keep you stuck in a situation because it feels comfortable and safe, even if it's not ideal. Staying in what you know despite not being satisfied or fulfilled, feels safer sometimes than stepping out to do something different.

I get it.

It wasn't until a couple years ago when I examined what I was up to and where I was headed, that I realized I was playing it safe. I was sitting on the fence, and not taking the steps I needed to become who I was meant to become. It takes courage to acknowledge that where you're at is not where you're meant to be. Your expansion and growth depends on you stepping out and moving in order to get to your next big thing.

It's not easy!

Are you hanging out in a space that's no longer serving you? Has it got to the point where staying is stunting your growth? Unfortunately, as human beings we're wired for the familiar and the familiar feels safe to us. That's why we continue to do things that aren't in our best interest. Staying in relationships that aren't necessarily nurturing us and helping us grow.

Take a look at yourself right now. 

• Where are you at?

• Are you growing?

Or are you staying somewhere because it feels safe and comfortable? That's okay! You're human.

When it's not okay?

• When you're questioning where you are.

• When you're feeling unsettled and know that there's more for you.

If this sounds like you, you're not alone. Wanting more and feeling afraid because you don't know what's behind the next door are completely normal feelings. The thing is, there might be something amazing behind that door!

Let's remedy that.

You don't have to navigate everything on your own. Read that again. Let's normalize the idea that getting help is not weak...it's a strength. Recognizing that you've exhausted all of your resources on your own and still aren't where you want to be is actually brilliant. Why is it brilliant? Because now you know you're ready to take another step. You know that in order to get to the next level, you're going to have to do things that you haven't done before.

So where do you start?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

I know I sound like a broken record but...it’s always about acknowledging:

• Where you're at.

  • Really taking stock.

• How you feel about your current situation?

  • Being really honest with yourself.

You have to acknowledge where you are in order to take the steps to get where you want to go, even if you don't know where that destination is quite yet. That's okay, we work from where you are. Don't wait until you have it all figured out because you might wait a very long time.

Wouldn't you rather be living your most fulfilled life now?

It takes courage to recognize that you're stuck somewhere you don't belong...and to choose to take action. It can create that fight, flight, or freeze feeling.

I'm hugely optimistic. Not just for myself. For you, for your possibilities. For what can happen for you if you take that first small step. Decide.Choose you. Choose fulfillment.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Playing it safe?

I'm going to be bold here. I see you...

I'm going to be bold here...I see you.

You open my blogs every week...or maybe you just look at them from your preview pane in your email. I don't know. Do you go through the exercises I give you? Maybe you're looking to build your confidence and you haven't mustered up the courage to reach out yet? I get it.

I see you...

You might think it's not the right time or, probably more likely...you're feeling vulnerable.

I get it...been there...that's for sure. It took me years, yes years, to actually realize that I could look at all the videos I wanted, read everything, talk about it as much as I wanted, but when push came to shove? I knew I had to take ownership of my path, and hiring a coach was the best thing I ever did for myself! 

Having that perspective available to me. Someone who could see things that I couldn't see, could hear things that I was saying that I couldn't hear...all of that made a huge difference for me.

Obviously! That's why I'm a coach and, specifically,  a "Confidence" Coach. I see you. I've been you and, I continue to learn and grow.

It's been almost 9 years now, and I still hire a coach when I need to. Last year I invested in six months of weekly sessions to get some traction in a situation. Why struggle when an expert can help you move quicker, with clarity and support? I practice what I preach!


What's holding you back? 

In my experience?

• The idea that you should have it all figured out because clearly, everyone else does. Myth.

• Feeling vulnerable. When you work with someone you have chemistry with, this disappears. Truth.

• Thinking that there's a perfect or right time. Nope.

You may be pleasantly surprised to learn how quickly you can make a change when someone's in your corner. Think about it, how much time have you been "spending" ...waiting? For what? A magic wand to appear and suddenly give you the clarity and confidence you want? Unlikely to happen.

Let's remedy that.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Today I'm giving you a little nudge.

Let go!

• Of the idea that you have to have it all figured out.

• Or that everyone else has it figured out...

If it feels vulnerable:

• Be vulnerable!

• I promise you...it will be worth it.

Take that step

• Reach out.

• Let's have a conversation.

Let's have a conversation. You never know what's in store for you if you don't take a chance. I'm here and I'd love to support you. Let's chat and see if we're a fit!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

I’m going to be bold here. I see you…

Feeling like an imposter? The solution is...

Feeling like an imposter? The solution is...

Be yourself!

I recently had the pleasure of running  my "Connect to Your Confidence" workshop in a pharmaceutical company setting with a group of amazing, talented, smart, capable, women...it felt like coming home.

These women said that if they felt confident they would be able to show up and be authentic. Believing in, and trusting themselves. Being able to speak up without the fear of being judged. To be who they are without pretending. 

Doesn't sound like a big request does it?

I wish I could have taken all of these women to the event I attended the very next evening.  An evening event with a panel of four high level executives in the pharma industry. General managers, CEOs, Head of Business Units.  Impressive people.

People like you and me. Speaking to the subject of "imposter syndrome."

A sadly relatable topic for far too many women. Women who often carry around a heavy backpack on their shoulders full of self-doubt and insecurities. I confess that I had my own backpack too...pretty much the entire time I was in my corporate job. One of the weights was definitely feeling like I'd snuck in under the radar and didn't belong there. I had no idea how common and 'normal' this was.

According to this panel, this is true for EVERYONE. No discrimination. Men too. Starting a new gig and thinking that it was a mistake...that they'd fooled everyone...slipped under the radar.

So if you're thinking that you're alone...exhale. You're normal. Me too apparently.

It was refreshing, and hopefully, reassuring for the ~80 people there to hear these incredibly accomplished individuals sharing their very real experiences with imposter syndrome. They made it approachable and relatable...especially for the younger women in the crowd who think that everyone else has it all figured out.

Nobody has it all figured out. Nobody.

The one repeating theme throughout the evening was...to be yourself. Trust that you are where you are because you are meant to be there.

"You are who you are.
Who you are.
Is who you are.
Who you are is non-negotiable.
If you can't be who you are where you are.
Change where you are.
Not who you are."
-Caroline Wanga

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Check in with yourself. Are you walking around pretending to be someone you're not? Trying to emulate someone rather than being you?

Do this instead:

• Be authentic.

  • People want you. Not you trying to be someone else. 

  • Work with your strengths.

• Be vulnerable.

  • You're not expected to know it all.

  • Ask for help if you need it!

• Don't take yourself so seriously.

  • Life's too short.

  • Remember that everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time.

Remember, there's nothing more confident then someone being 100% themself...lumps and all!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Feeling like an imposter? The solution is…

Have you been kicked in the pants? Ouch.

Have you been kicked in the pants? Ouch.

Or maybe you've been punched in the gut... regardless something's happened, and now you're in the position of dealing with it.

What do you do?

Pretending it didn't happen doesn't make it go away.

A dear friend of mine died a month and a 1/2 ago and I can't pretend that it hasn't affected every single aspect of my life, and not all in bad ways. The realization of the preciousness of life, the fact that you don't know what your time here is, and the reality that life is going to happen no matter who you are or what you do for a living. You're not exempt.

Maybe for you there's been a job loss, a missed promotion, or a personal situation that's occupying a lot of your bandwidth. Pretending all is well is not going to help you move forward.

I used the phrase "move forward" purposely. You don't 'move on' from life changing events. Hopefully, you gather the learning, the love, the memories or whatever else you need to gather and you take it with you.

I want to share with you some lessons that I've been learning that may be useful for you too...no matter what situation you're in...because you too, as far as I know, are also  a human!

Acknowledgment.

• Rather than shoving it inside and showing a brave face, acknowledging that something crappy has happened.

Kindness.

• I've been receiving a ton of kindness lately from places and spaces I never could've imagined. But the person who hasn't given me the kindness that I need is me. I figure If I stay busy, keep doing what I'm doing, I'll magically not have to think about things. It's not working so far.
  
  Patience.

• Not in the "this too shall pass" mindset...but rather...this is life. This is real life and I know I'm not the only one in a space of either loss, frustration, disappointment etc. who still keeps going on. And I'm allowing myself the patience to move through this.
  
  What does this have to do with confidence? Maybe sweet diddly squat, but sometimes you have to step away from what you do to offer something different and what I'm offering you right now is the permission you may need to acknowledge what you're going through. 
  
  Despite all this, I'm okay. I'm okay in my grief. Acknowledging and moving forward slowly holding this new part of me. 
  
  Are you ready?
  
  Let's get to it...
  
  Your challenge...
  

If you've been kicked in the pants please remember to take some time to:

Acknowledge...be kind...be patient.
 
Gather what needs to be gathered. The lessons, the love, the memories.

And then...gently move forward...as this new version of you.

You've got this.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Have you been kicked in the pants? Ouch.

Is it right under your nose? Probably...

What's right under your nose?

Although not necessarily a literal question, this came to mind because of an actual situation

I was on my way home from a walk. For most of the walk I had been talking on the phone. It was when I was heading back, as I stepped into the field that I’d already walked through that it happened. I was overcome by the smell of blossoms...blossoms that I hadn't even noticed when I was walking through the field the first time. Interesting, how my sense of smell went on vacation while I was talking on the phone. Is that a thing?

You know me. I love a good metaphor and this one seemed obvious to me: There are so many things that are right there under our noses that we either take for granted or don't see because they're too close.

In this minute as you're searching for that next thing, or working on whatever it is you're working on and you're having a hard time connecting the dots or bringing it all together...

• Stop!

  • Yes. Put the brakes on for a minute.

• Take a step back and look right under your nose.
  

  • It may be so obvious you've ruled it out.

• What do you already have that you can apply to this situation?
  

  • Maybe it's a skill strength or capability you have.

Perspective...

The thing that you can't get unless you step away.

Is there somewhere in your life right now where you're trying to make headway? You've come to a point where you're not sure if it's done, if it needs more tweaking...maybe you're just not sure in general!

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Think of that thing now.

 Take a moment now to get some perspective.

• Stop!

  • Muscling through is never the answer.

• Take a step back and look right under your nose.

  • What's so obvious you're ruling it out?

• What do you already have that you can apply to this situation?

  • Maybe somebody you know can help you with it.

...Or consider that maybe you've done enough and there really is nothing to find...

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Is it right under your nose? Probably…

Yes! You can. If...

Yes, you can! 

Can what? Pretty much do anything you set your mind to, but there's a caveat...you have to believe that you can. Your Mindset. One of the ingredients that you have to pay attention to if you really want those things that you say you want. If you think 'it's not possible', then you're holding yourself back.

Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right... Henry Ford Pretty much my go to quote...there's so much truth to it.

You can only expand as far as you believe you can, so if you're starting out already believing something's not possible then..why bother?  Especially when it comes to growing skills that might feel out of reach for you right now, believing that they are attainable is what fuels the journey.

Think about every skill you have right now. Every single one that, at one point, you probably couldn't imagine doing. Those skills.

How does this relate to building your confidence?

Look at it this way:

• If you want to be more confident but you always call to mind the times in your life when you weren't feeling confident then that's what your brain's gonna do...look for evidence to support that thought. That's how your brain works. 

• Likewise, if you call  to mind examples in your life when you were feeling confident, your brain will accommodate that as well and start looking for evidence to support it.

You have to remember that you CAN do things.

What if you're embarking on a brand new thing? How do you get there? 

• Patience.

  • There is no overnight success.

• Perseverance.

  • You have to do the drills to get the skills.

• The belief that it's possible. 

  • Probably the most important element.

No matter what you're working on...it matters how you're thinking.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Working on building a new skill? Feeling self-doubt and fear is normal when you're learning something new…it doesn’t mean that it’s not possible.

When you feel yourself starting to go down down the path of self-doubt and fear, here are some suggestions for you:

• Notice it's happening.

  • We tend to go to autopilot, well, automatically, so you may not even notice that it's happening. Start to pay attention.

• Pause.

  • Ask yourself - Is what I'm thinking about this situation and my capabilities really true? Chances are, it's your autopilot response. Be skeptical.

• Make a choice.

  • Yes, 'a choice.' Decide that you're going to choose an optimistic mindset this time. Consciously change the pattern and then act upon it. Self-doubt and fear tend to dissolve with action.

• Repeat.

  • Often. This is a practice.That autopilot brain of yours is determined to win. Repetition of this process makes it more likely that you'll eventually be able to interrupt this pattern and gradually, shift your mindset and grow your skills!

Over time, with patience, persistence and self-belief you can shift your mindset and grow. You've got this.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Yes! You can. If…

How do you answer this question?

Wait for it...

How are you? Yes, this question.

On autopilot probably...fine, good, busy...

No. Really. How are you? 

In my role as a coach it's my job to ask this question and really care about the answer, and I do. To hold space as we say in "coach speak." To allow the person in front of us to really answer the question.  The most challenging thing is to stifle the human compulsion to jump in and have something smart to say, share my wisdom, my own experience.  I'm a trained professional and it's taken a while! 

Doing this is a gift that you can offer someone in your personal life...and what I want to point out today are the benefits of this in your work as a leader...yep there.

As a former people leader myself I can't tell you the value of asking "how are you?" and really caring about the answer.  If those glass fish bowls could talk (a reference that my former colleagues will understand), they would tell you such heart wrenching, humorous, dramatic, real stories. Real life, because you're working with real people.

Here's what I learned:

The greatest gift you can give another human being is your open ears and closed mouth. 

When people feel like they matter, they're gonna deliver more. Go the extra mile. It's a fact. When people feel seen, heard, and understood beyond their job description...they will deliver tenfold what you expect.

You have to mean it when you ask. How are you?

Not one of those passing in the hallway questions where you don't even listen for the answer rather, in your one on one meetings. Face to face. Whether that's literally face to face or on Zoom.
And don't just give them your ears. Turn your body towards them, look at them, put your phone on silent...let them know you're doing it. Give them your undivided attention.

Keep doing this regularly and you might just be surprised at what changes. For them and you.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

For this week, make a point of upgrading your relationships. Whether it's at work, home, or at the grocery store:

• Ask someone "how are you?"

• Be sincere, show that you really mean it. 

• And when someone tells you how they are, really resist the human urge to one up them, to share your own experience or advice (unless they ask). 

• Notice what happens.

Even if you're not in a "leadership" role, by listening, you're actually telling someone they matter. And that matters.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

How do you answer this question…wait for it…

It's going to cost you...

It's going to cost you. Only you can decide if it's worth it.

The price of admission.

Are you willing to pay the price of admission? It can be difficult to quantify up front...what something "costs." It's usually upon reflection when you realize what the price actually was.

There's no free lunch. That's like clickbait. When you're signing up for something you never really know what you're getting, it's a leap of faith. Click here, say yes, and roll the dice.  

No one explains the cost for the experience and "free" or not, there are definitely going to be some costs.

The most obvious cost for the free lunch? Time. You're giving up your time to be there and time is a precious commodity.

How are you spending your time these days? Watching Netflix? Reading a book? Walking in nature? Growing your skills?

There's a price and often you don't know exactly what it is until you're looking in the rear view mirror.

No matter how you're spending your time, there are costs associated with it. Maybe literal $$ costs and that's not what this is about. If you're about to embark on something new, here's a heads up: There will be costs associated with it.

Want to do some proactive inventory?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

So you're ready to do something new? Let's do some proactive inventory...

Costs:

• Time:

  • Until you've figured it out, doing anything new takes more time.

• Energy:

  • Energy is similar to time...learning new skills is going to consume more of your brain power.  That's not necessarily a bad thing.

• Willpower:

  • Willpower...is a limited resource.  When you're focusing on learning something new you'll have less willpower to do other things...it's a trade off.

• Other intangible but real risks...

  • The fear that bubbles up when you're putting yourself out there and open to failing.

These costs can apply to learning any new skill: Dating, pickleball, computer programming...oh and of course...growing your confidence! 

No matter what your "thing"is...make sure it's worth it!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

It’s going to cost you…

There are no shortcuts...only steps...

They say there are no shortcuts and you have to follow the steps in the right order. Hmmmm...

If you've ever baked a cake, you know the importance of doing the steps in a particular order and a particular way... and truthfully...I might add all the eggs at once without mixing in between...because I'm me!

They say that In order to get all the skills, in order to make it through...to reach the finish line...you can't skip a step...but here's the catch...the steps may be numbered but they aren't necessarily in "your" order and sometimes...a step is skipped because...life isn't about following the rules.

Whether it's five steps, 12 steps or three steps...it doesn't matter...

When you start out,  you're told to follow along and it even looks like you're going to be following a linear path. It's all laid out like that isn't it? One step after another.

However, once you get going, what you may notice is... even if the steps appear to be in a particular order... there's gonna be some jumping around.  Some pausing, some challenges, maybe places you get stuck and of course, some turning back when the next step just seems too hard.

Wouldn't it be so much easier if those steps were all in a particular order? Tick those boxes, then move on. My analytical,  logical brain would love that.

How about you?

Wouldn't that make so much sense and be so much easier if they were all in a particular order?

Two steps forward three steps back. Starting over or starting where you are. No one tells you that this IS actually the right way.

Typically when you're learning a new skill, there may a prescribed way to obtain that skill and ...because you're you...that's not necessarily the way it goes. You have to find your own way on your timeline, with your parameters, because you're you.

Two steps forward...three steps back.  As long as you're moving, it's progress.
Or is it?
Pausing and reflecting on where you're at is also progress.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

If you're working through some steps right now, whether you're currently in the two steps back phase, or the three steps forward phase:

• Remember that the path isn't supposed to be linear.
  

  • This is your particular learning journey.

• You will get there eventually.
  

  • No matter what your goal is...it's being consistent and trusting that all your efforts are going to pay off.

• Oh ya...probably the most important thing to remember...

  • Be patient and kind with yourself! You're learning.

 You've got this...

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

There are no shortcuts…only steps…