What's keeping you up at night?

Is it wanting to do something and not yet finding the courage to do so? Are you wanting more but don't know where to start?

Hesitating to make that move, take a chance, to step towards the edges of your comfort zone?

You're not alone...you're human.  I know I say that a lot and it's purposeful.  Forgetting that you’re a mortal being with fears and doubts is common.  Expecting to breeze through all of life's challenges is admirable for sure and perhaps a little unrealistic.

Asking for a leg up, some help, can feel pretty vulnerable. Again...you're not alone. It took me years...yes, years, to finally admit that I needed an expert.  Not my friends, not my family or others that knew me, but someone who had no agenda for me other than helping me get some clarity.

A leap that paid off in dividends and...I had to swallow my pride, open my heart, and be vulnerable.

There's nothing wrong with you.

Swallowing your pride is step one, because regret is real.
There's data to support it. When people look back on their lives, they never regret taking chances. Nope. They always regret not doing the things that tugged at their heart. The things they couldn't find the courage to.

Don't let that be you. It's NEVER too late.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

I want you to go deep this week, to dig into the thing that's tugging at you, the thing that's keeping you up, or constantly on your mind. That thing.

Ask yourself these questions:


When I'm on my deathbed what will I think about - the hesitating, the doubt, the fear?

Who or what is holding me back from doing this thing?

What risk seems so insurmountable to me right now?

In the rearview mirror it's funny how things become smaller, insignificant, almost silly.

What does that thing look like now?

I promise you...it's NOT too late to get started.

Let's start building the confidence you're seeking to make that move, take that step.

I've got you.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!



Warmly,

Ann

What’s keeping you up at night?

Change isn't the enemy...your fear is...

The enemy isn't the change, the unfamiliar, or the unknown. The enemy is the fear of the change, the unfamiliar...the unknown.

Enemy sounds like a strong word...for purposes of this blog I use the definition of enemy to be: "a thing that harms or weakens something else, as in "fear is the enemy of change."

If you're working on making a change, you may recognize some of the feelings that can come up. The doubt, the idea of getting uncomfortable...because it is uncomfortable to make a change, even if it's for very good reasons. It still makes you uncomfortable. That's normal.  Our brains are biased towards the familiar. That's why you will hold on to and do the same things repeatedly, even if you're not satisfied with what they're getting you. The human condition.

There's no getting around it, even if you're a seasoned expert, when faced with making a change, you will always have that initial catching of the breath, the heart pitter patter, or maybe you feel it in your gut.

The difference with being a "seasoned change expert" is that you've built up your toolkit and you're quickly able to shift from the fear to:

  • Recognition.

    • Ah...there's those feelings.

  • Acknowledgement.

    • I know that this is a normal part of making a change.

  • Make a plan.

    • If you're good at change, you probably already have something you can rely on.


And if you're new with it? It takes more time, especially depending what it is that you want to do.

Recognizing, acknowledging, making a plan...the practice.

That's the focus for today. 


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

It's summer. I'm writing these blogs well in advance so as I write this, it's early July and you're going to read this in August. By the time you read this, changes that I've been thinking about will probably be made. That's because I'm practiced at this.

How about you? Where are you sitting on the fence about something, or really, really feeling like you want to make a change and you're struggling with moving from the familiar.

Here's your work this week:

  • Start by cutting yourself some slack.

    • All your responses are probably normal. Change will trigger fear and your natural propensity to stay with the familiar.

  • Take some time to recognize and acknowledge those very human feelings.

    • Know that this is a normal part of making a change.

  • Make a plan.

    • That plan may be one small step to seek some advice or input. It can be small.

  • Build on that step.

    • That's the beauty of small steps, when you commit to small, doable steps, the next one can be equally small.

You can do it.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

Change isn’t the enemy…your fear is…

Are labels limiting you? Possibly...

Why do we always look for labels?

Probably because, from the moment we're born and learning to talk it matters that we have labels for things so we understand that: This is a shoe...this is a stick...this is a cup...

This makes perfect sense. These are fixed identifiers...for things.  A shoe is a shoe and will always be a shoe.

Where labels are less useful...is when you affix them to people.

  • They're difficult.

  • They're not competent.

  • They're unreliable.

  • They're...you fill in the blank.


Labels.  Used to explain someone's behaviour rather than exploring. We put limits on others when we label them.

But...what if it's YOU believing in, or attaching labels to yourself...putting limits on you and your potential?

In fairness, it's not necessarily your fault. Many of those labels have come from years ago by the people surrounding you, especially in your formative years. That's the first thing to let go of...to realize that the labels you've worn for so long are someone else's projection on you. If those labels are weighing you down, or don't feel true...it's time to take a look at them.

You're a grown up now and consequently, you get to decide what sticks and what doesn't. 

Probably the most important thing is looking at the labels that are getting in your way and to start questioning them.

The ones that are eroding your confidence and keeping you from doing the things you really want to do.

  • I'm not a risk taker.

  • I'm a victim.

  • I'm bad at ...

Who told you that? Pay attention. 

Taking the time to examine the labels that are holding you back can reveal what's really true for you. One by one, peeling off the ones that aren't true so that the real you can shine through.

This is work.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Identify one "label" that you've been wearing that's holding you back. One that you want to challenge.

Start by asking yourself the following questions:

  • Who or what circumstance led to this label?

Look at that label again.

  • Take a deep breath and ask yourself: "Is this really true"? 

Once you ascertain this information, check in and ask yourself:

  • How is this label limiting me?

What's possible for me if I let this label go?

  • Allow the answer to come to mind.


Now what?

Probably the first thing is to notice what it feels like to decide that you're no longer going to identify with that label. Liberating? Scary? Something else?

By answering these questions one by one, you can peel off the labels that aren't true so that the real you can shine through. You've got this.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

Are labels limiting you? Possibly…

You CAN change...if you want to...

People can change. People grow. It happens all the time.


I bet when you look back you can see a trail of things that you've done that have led you to where you are today. Of course you can! But does this mean you're "growing?" By default...probably yes.  You're bound to change whether you want to or not, even if you do nothing different, the world around you is going to change and you'll likely adapt.  This is change on autopilot.

Looking back gives you a perspective on the sum total of who you are, the decisions you've made. The evidence. And as you read this, you're laying down tracks for the next level of you. That's the cool thing...if you look back and like what you see, do more of the things you've been doing. However, if you look back and don't like what you see, here's your chance to take another direction to make a different choice. That's the beauty of retrospection.

Purposeful growth is intentional. It's deciding that you want to change and taking steps to do so. It's different.

It requires shifting your mindset.

This is just the way it is... it's too late...it's gonna be really difficult...

The stories.

If you want something different...you've got to be willing to do different things and, yes, that will be difficult initially. Because our brain's focus is to keep things the same so it can keep us alive, it will make change a challenge. Every. Single. Time.

A challenge and, not impossible.

The most important thing about achieving successful change is the desire to do so. Without this key ingredient, you're not likely to achieve success. That means, you can't do it for someone else.

Knowing why you wanna make a change and desiring to do so are gonna be the things that keep you afloat when it gets tough.

What change do you want to make?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


If you're feeling ready to make that change, here are a few things to consider:

  • Start small. Really small.

    • You're probably working against well established behaviours - pick one small component that you can start with.

  • Commit to daily practice.

    • Small things, done consistently, have a powerful way of adding up to big results.

  • Be kind to yourself.

    • The autopilot you've been on is super powerful. When you find yourself leaning into old behaviours, acknowledge it and move forward. Rewiring that brain takes time.

  • Repeat.

    • Once you've made that small change, choose another small change to focus on.


It's about opening up your mind to something different and it requires conscious effort.  So remember to be patient and kind with yourself. You can do it!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

You CAN change…if you want to…

Are you doing the same thing...and expecting a different response? STOP!

You can't keep doing the same things and expect a different result...yet that's exactly what we do! 

It could be at work, at home, or any other situation where you find yourself constantly looking back with frustration.  "They" did that again. I knew it would turnout this way again. I wish they'd...

Maybe it's time to get real and ask yourself: "What's (or maybe who's) the common denominator here?" Yikes, it can be confronting can't it? To realize that if all those different situations aren't going the way you hoped they would, that you're the one that's the common denominator. 

It takes self-awareness.

Here's the thing, how you respond to things, whether you realize it or not, contributes to the cycle that you're in. Stop responding the same way...and you disconnect the cycle. It's kind of like a circuit when you unplug the cord, you can't get the same response anymore because you've interrupted the cycle.

It's hard to change how you respond, you're a human,  emotional being. When something happens, especially with the people close to you, or in situations where the stakes are perceived to be high, your tendency is going to be to react with emotion, rather than respond with reason.

So what do you do?

Like anything, it's a practice. Start by paying attention to your own behaviour in situations where you're not getting the results you want. Notice what you're doing that's resulting in the outcome that you don't want, because let's face it, the goal is always to get more of what you want.

How do you interrupt a pattern of behaviour when you realize it's not getting you the results you want?

One of my all time favourite tactics? If you don't want to go there...don't take the bait. Much easier said than done...at first.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


Sometimes something as simple as not responding the way you usually do will do the trick.That can include:

  • Having a new, planned response.

    • If you think you've figured out what you're doing to contribute to the situation, having a planned response in your back pocket can diffuse a situation before it starts.

    • This is going to take awareness and practice AND it's well worth doing.


  • Not responding at all. 

    • When you can see the pattern happening again..take a breath.

    • That may be enough to prevent the cycle starting and if not, revert to your planned response.

We all have buttons that others know how to press. By responding a different way, you're removing a button and... you can't press a button that no longer exists. This will change your outcome...guaranteed.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

Are you doing the same thing and expecting a different response? STOP!

You have the power...

...do you use it?

You have the power to bring out the best in someone else.

It's easy to underestimate your impact, your influence, on the life of someone else.

It should be obvious if you're in a leadership position but what can get missed, is the role that you play "outside" of your job.

What role?

Your role as a parent, relative, friend, child, partner, acquaintance...heck even in your role as a consumer at the grocery store! How you show up is influencing others...always. You're always one action away from lifting someone up or potentially tearing someone down.  It's that quick.

So how are you using this power, this influence that you have? Do you ever take a moment to check in?
Your words and your actions are constantly speaking, and somebody is always paying attention noticing...receiving.

What's different now when you think about that?

Maybe you've never thought of yourself that way before. Maybe now's the time to realize that no matter who you are, you're consistently influencing everything and everyone around you.

Quite a responsibility isn't it?

So now what? What are you gonna do with this new information? How can you bring out the best in someone else?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

If you're just realizing this amazing human power that you have, here are a few things you may want to pay attention to:

  • How do you speak about yourself?

    • With kindness and acceptance?

  • How do you speak about others?

    • With compassion and understanding?

And probably more importantly...

  • How do you act?

    • This is the most telling thing of all.

  • People pay attention to the things you do, not the things you say.

    • Are they in alignment?

Check-in.

  • You can check-in with yourself and observe your own behaviours.

    • You need a lot of self-awareness to do this.

  • What might be more useful for you?

    • Check-in with your truth tellers* to find out if what you're doing and saying is congruent.

If it is...fantastic, and if it's not, that's where your work begins.

Remember, you have a really important role to play. It can't be underestimated.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

*remember, your truth tellers aren’t always your friends…

You have the power. Do you use it?

Are you looking for certainty? Try clarity instead...

Apparently the only things in life that are certain are: death and taxes. As far as I know, that's proved to be true.

Certainty is one of those things that exists in the rear view mirror. You can do a "pros and cons" list, do some research, ask around...do all those things but when it comes to pulling the trigger, you have to take a chance. You have to trust that you've done the work...you've looked at all the options, and now you're ready to go.

This takes a certain kind of courage.  And chances are, you do this all of the time and don't give it a second thought. You're constantly making in the moment decisions without any concern for certainty. The wish for certainty usually comes up when the stakes are perceived as being higher. Maybe there's no do-over. That's when you really want to be sure that you know what you're doing. That the decision you're making is the" right" one.

Seeking certainty, when in fact, the right decision for you is going to be the one that feels right for you. You can take in the opinions of others or do an extensive analysis and at the end of the day, you have to decide. This is the right decision. Now is the right time.

What causes this uncertainty? In addition to the perception of high stakes, no do-over situations, in my experience is usually one of two things. You have so many options that you're overwhelmed with the possibilities so it's hard to feel like you're making the the right decision. Or, the completely opposite situation where you feel you have no options and so you're stuck. A lack of certainty.

I want to propose that maybe instead of looking for certainty, you look for clarity.

In my mind, clarity is a superpower. It can pull you forward, encourage you to take that first step and then it continues to pull you forward. With each step you take, it allows you to alter your path according to the information that you're getting.

When you're clear about what you want, you're less likely to get stuck in uncertainty because the clarity of your goal is gonna help you to make decisions and do things without a second thought.

If you're stuck in uncertainty right now, step back for a moment and ask yourself:

  • What do I want?

  • What's my goal here?

Allow this information to drive your first step.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Are you looking for certainty right now? Look for clarity instead...

Ask yourself:

  • What do I want right now?

    • Keep it simple. Maybe you're looking for a creative idea.

  • Who do I know that could help me with this?

    • Two heads are always better than one!

  • What do I notice about myself when I have clarity?

    • Clarity puts fuel in your tank.

 

When you're clear, you're less likely to hesitate or wait to take action. It's like putting fuel in your tank. It also helps you build your "action taking" muscles. 

 

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

Are you looking for certainty? Try clarity instead…

Being yourself should feel like freedom...not fear...

Is it time for you to check in?

Hanging out in places and spaces where you're pretending to be something you're not in order to fit in...is effort.

Sometimes you have to put on "the mask". I guess it's part of the whole thing that we sometimes have to do to fit in. This should be the exception, not the rule. Like the 80/20 rule. You should be able to be yourself the majority of the time. 

And if this isn't the case?

Ask yourself, how does it feel when I have to put on a mask?

For me? It feels awkward. Being inauthentic feels like I'm hiding.

I'm not gonna lie. It's never sat well with me. I have a vivid memory of partnering with someone in my past and we were like oil and vinegar in terms of our approach. Me wanting to be me...and they wanting me to be them! They thought I should be more serious because apparently that's more professional...I don't know, maybe it is but that's not being me. Real. Authentic.

It took a lot of effort to wear that mask, that's for sure! And I did it because I thought I had to fit in. 

I know better now.

I'm gonna bet that every one of you reading this can relate in some way. Maybe for you it's not at work. It could be in an extracurricular activity, a family setting, or maybe for you it's something else entirely. Round peg...square hole but you keep trying to squeeze in anyway. Ugh.

The messages that you take in that tell you that being yourself is not acceptable. Being yourself doesn't fit in with the typical way  "you're supposed to be."

I want to argue that. Being yourself can be liberating! It allows you to deliver exactly what you're capable of... your strengths. It helps you to recognize the things that maybe aren't your strengths, so you can work on those areas if they're important to you.

Here's a fact:

When you get hired for a position, enter a relationship, or start anything new, whatever it is, and you're pretending to be someone else...eventually the jig will be up. You'll get found out. Or...if you continue the farce it's going to cost you. Because acting is exhausting. 

Is it time to check in?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Is there somewhere in your life right now where you're putting on a mask to fit in?

Consider these questions:

  • Why do I feel like I have to put on a mask in this situation?

    • If it's a short term situation, it may be perfectly fine.

  • Is it worth it to "fit in" in this situation?

    • Remember, this should be the exception, not the rule.

  • What's the cost of doing this for me?

    • Continuing a farce can be costly...it's exhausting.

Remember...being yourself should feel like freedom...not fear!

It's by being yourself, bringing your unique spin on things to the table that adds value. Diversity. That's what enriches experiences for everyone.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

Being yourself should feel like freedom…not fear…

Playing it safe?

Sitting on the fence...staying where you are...biding your time? It happens.

All of these are okay...until they're not.

As humans it feels safe, we're biased towards the familiar, and so consequently, the devil you know will always be better than taking a chance elsewhere. We have a natural bias towards the negative. It served our ancestors well...they actually had to look at every stick as if it was a snake. Just in case.

Because our brain's number one job is to keep us alive, we perceive everything new and different as a potential threat. It's not a fault in your system. It's just a reality.

It's this reality that can keep you stuck in a situation because it feels comfortable and safe, even if it's not ideal. Staying in what you know despite not being satisfied or fulfilled, feels safer sometimes than stepping out to do something different.

I get it.

It wasn't until a couple years ago when I examined what I was up to and where I was headed, that I realized I was playing it safe. I was sitting on the fence, and not taking the steps I needed to become who I was meant to become. It takes courage to acknowledge that where you're at is not where you're meant to be. Your expansion and growth depends on you stepping out and moving in order to get to your next big thing.

It's not easy!

Are you hanging out in a space that's no longer serving you? Has it got to the point where staying is stunting your growth? Unfortunately, as human beings we're wired for the familiar and the familiar feels safe to us. That's why we continue to do things that aren't in our best interest. Staying in relationships that aren't necessarily nurturing us and helping us grow.

Take a look at yourself right now. 

  • Where are you at?

  • Are you growing?

Or are you staying somewhere because it feels safe and comfortable? That's okay! You're human.

When it's not okay?

  • When you're questioning where you are.

  • When you're feeling unsettled and know that there's more for you.


If this sounds like you, you're not alone. Wanting more and feeling afraid because you don't know what's behind the next door are completely normal feelings. The thing is, there might be something amazing behind that door!

Let's remedy that.

You don't have to navigate everything on your own. Read that again. Let's normalize the idea that getting help is not weak...it's a strength. Recognizing that you've exhausted all of your resources on your own and still aren't where you want to be is actually brilliant. Why is it brilliant? Because now you know you're ready to take another step. You know that in order to get to the next level, you're going to have to do things that you haven't done before.

So where do you start?



Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

I know I sound like a broken record but...it’s always about acknowledging:

  • Where you're at.

    • Really taking stock.

  • How you feel about your current situation?

    • Being really honest with yourself.


You have to acknowledge where you are in order to take the steps to get where you want to go, even if you don't know where that destination is quite yet. That's okay, we work from where you are. Don't wait until you have it all figured out because you might wait a very long time.

Wouldn't you rather be living your most fulfilled life now?

It takes courage to recognize that you're stuck somewhere you don't belong...and to choose to take action. It can create that fight, flight, or freeze feeling.

I'm hugely optimistic. Not just for myself. For you, for your possibilities. For what can happen for you if you take that first small step. Decide.Choose you. Choose fulfillment.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

Playing it safe?

I'm going to be bold here. I see you...

I'm going to be bold here...I see you.

You open my blogs every week...or maybe you just look at them from your preview pane in your email. I don't know. Do you go through the exercises I give you? Maybe you're looking to build your confidence and you haven't mustered up the courage to reach out yet? I get it.

I see you...

You might think it's not the right time or, probably more likely...you're feeling vulnerable.

I get it...been there...that's for sure. It took me years, yes years, to actually realize that I could look at all the videos I wanted, read everything, talk about it as much as I wanted, but when push came to shove? I knew I had to take ownership of my path, and hiring a coach was the best thing I ever did for myself! 

Having that perspective available to me. Someone who could see things that I couldn't see, could hear things that I was saying that I couldn't hear...all of that made a huge difference for me.

Obviously! That's why I'm a coach and, specifically,  a "Confidence" Coach. I see you. I've been you and, I continue to learn and grow.

It's been almost 9 years now, and I still hire a coach when I need to. Last year I invested in six months of weekly sessions to get some traction in a situation. Why struggle when an expert can help you move quicker, with clarity and support? I practice what I preach!


What's holding you back? 

In my experience?

  • The idea that you should have it all figured out because clearly, everyone else does. Myth.

  • Feeling vulnerable. When you work with someone you have chemistry with, this disappears. Truth.

  • Thinking that there's a perfect or right time. Nope.


You may be pleasantly surprised to learn how quickly you can make a change when someone's in your corner. Think about it, how much time have you been "spending" ...waiting? For what? A magic wand to appear and suddenly give you the clarity and confidence you want? Unlikely to happen.

Let's remedy that.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Today I'm giving you a little nudge.

Let go!

  • Of the idea that you have to have it all figured out.

  • Or that everyone else has it figured out...

If it feels vulnerable:

  • Be vulnerable!

  • I promise you...it will be worth it.

 

Take that step

  • Reach out.

  • Let's have a conversation.


Let's have a conversation. You never know what's in store for you if you don't take a chance. I'm here and I'd love to support you. Let's chat and see if we're a fit!


Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Warmly,

Ann

I’m going to be bold here. I see you…