Are you ready to throw in the towel?

Progress over perfection. 

It's February. Still really early in the year. I wanted to send a brief message this week for all of us...

Have you embarked on learning a new skill, or perhaps attempting to change something you typically do?  This is often how a new year begins. It's exciting to have fresh energy at the beginning of the year and we can set off with great intentions. Then it gets difficult.  We just want to jump to the end...you know...the part where you have it all figured out? Tick that box. Move forward.

There can be discomfort in making the inevitable mistakes that come along with wanting to do something new or different.  It's called learning.

We don't do a great job of normalizing the fact that when we are learning or trying something NEW it will be uncomfortable.  Why?  Because our brains like homeostasis. They do not want to do something different, even if it is for very good reasons.

So what do you do?  Recognize that the discomfort is real. Doing something new is going to take up a lot of bandwidth initially. That doesn't mean that you give up!  Remember the first time you tied your shoes, or any other skill you do now without giving it a second thought? Probably not.  This is because it became automatic over time and now you just do it.  

So what can you do?

Practice. Fail. Learn. Repeat.

Perfection...deep down we all know there's no such thing. Aiming for perfection can lead to throwing in the towel before you even get going.

Progression is the willingness to keep trying. Persisting and forgiving yourself when the inevitable "fails" occur.  Knowing that failure is part of the process and being willing to brush yourself off and keep going.  That's what it's all about.


Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Before you throw in the towel, take a minute to check in with yourself.  Do you really want to throw in the towel, or do you need to be a bit more gentle with yourself?  Let the answer bubble up.

Progress over perfection.  Practice. Fail. Learn. Repeat.

You've got this.

Is perfection stopping you from progressing? Contact me  One thing that's become increasingly clear to me? Going it alone is not ideal.

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Are you ready to throw in the towel?

Now that I have your attention...

Let’s explore…

Last week I sent out a blog post about “the confidence myth” and the response was unprecedented. Clearly, the message struck a chord and I thought perhaps we could explore this thing called confidence a little more.

Come with me.

According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary https://www.merriam-webster.com/, here are some of the definitions of “confidence”:

• a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something

• the feeling of being certain that something will happen or that something is true

• stresses faith in oneself and one's powers without any suggestion of conceit or arrogance

…and the list goes on.

My point? There are a couple actually!  First, I want to call your attention to the fact that the word "feeling" is part of the definition of confidence. Second, there's no catch all definition of confidence for everyone.

There isn’t a particular recipe to follow for everyone. BUT, there IS a particular recipe for YOU! That’s good news!

What it means to me, versus what it means to you, will vary: depending on the particular situation, and, our own personal experiences.

Think about it: No two people are exactly alike, and so their experience of the very same situation will be different.

Has this ever happened to you?

You and another person, often someone close to you, are telling someone else about a shared experience you had.  As you listen to your partner you may, in your head (but usually out loud!), start to add in the details you think they are missing, or dispute the details they have provided.  The thing is, both of you are correct. Yikes.  This is true.  We put our own lens on an experience and takeaway what resonates for us. This can also change over time, each time we re-visit the story, we may find another detail to notice.

Confidence is similar.  It's as individual as the person experiencing it. It's not one particular state, rather, it may be a blend of several that result in confidence. It will vary for a particular situation. My recipe and yours are inevitably going to be different and, they will be different depending on the circumstance.

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Let's play! Think of a situation where you want to be confident.  Keep it simple, you're practicing.

• Remember a time you succeeded at something - let that thing bubble up now.  As you do, track though your body to notice any physical sensations - remembering the definition of confident, and that "feeling", is a part of it.

• Now, remember a time you were certain and again, notice what shows up in your body, perhaps there's a change in your breath or posture.

• Finally, remember a time when you had faith in yourself.

• Now think about that situation where you want to be confident and notice  - what's different now?

I guarantee you that no two people reading this and doing this exercise came up with the same things. Your "confidence recipe" is unique to you and your particular circumstances, AND it will vary depending upon the situation you are in.

Want to explore your "confidence recipe" for a particular situation? Contact me  One thing that's become increasingly clear to me? Going it alone is not ideal.

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Have you heard about the confidence myth?

It’s a lie…

Have you heard the myth? Apparently, once you reach a certain level of accomplishment, you will never again experience a lack of self-confidence...

I’m going to take you back to when I first started my coaching business. I was beta testing my business card ideas with a group of people from various business backgrounds. I still remember laying all of the cards out and asking for input, wondering what would resonate for this group. 

One of the cards had my title as “Confidence Coach”. Very quickly, and in no uncertain terms, one of the male participants said “there’s no way I would ever work with you if that was on your business card”. I was curious, so obviously I asked him why. His response was along the lines of “I wouldn’t want anyone to think I didn’t have confidence”. Notice he wasn’t saying that it wasn’t true, just that he wouldn’t want others to think that he didn't have confidence.

That card got kyboshed, however, if you happen to have one of my business cards you will see that the tagline is: Get Clear. Get Confident. Get Going.

Why am I writing about this?

Six and a half years ago it was true, and it’s still true today. Few clients will approach me and say that they want more confidence, yet, it almost always comes up, eventually.

Most recently I was having a conversation with an executive level person. They described to me how they got their role, the leadership style they were growing and some of the challenges they were facing. They were nothing short of impressive.

As we were moving towards the end of our conversation, I was explaining a little bit about my coaching style and what clients typically hire me for. I explained that sometimes clients were looking for confidence to walk into that meeting, or situation, and that my work was to prepare them for that situation: To get them in their best performance state, so they could achieve the results they desired.

They stopped me in my tracks. “You mean I’m not the only one?” Their response was: first, surprise, quickly followed by relief. I laughed and said “absolutely not"!  Yet this is the myth that everyone likes to pretend is true. The myth that: Apparently, once you reach a certain level of accomplishment, you will never again experience a lack of self-confidence...  

I might challenge that it comes up more. The expectations that high performers put on themselves to know it all, and have all the answers, is the perfect recipe for a dip in confidence.

Almost everyone I’ve encountered, client or not- feels a lack of self-confidence from time to time. Some just hide it better than others.

I help people who have forgotten what it feels like to be confident, to remember what it was like, and carry that forward into situations they are managing now. And you know what? It works!

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

When the self doubt starts creeping in, regardless of the situation:

• Stop.

• Take a breath.
  

• Ask yourself to remember a time when you were confident. It doesn't have to be a "big" thing, maybe you knew you were going to be able to open the pickle jar on your first try.  Keep it simple.

• Then track through what that actually felt like in your body. Maybe your posture changes or your breath deepens. Just notice what it felt like. 

• Remember: You know how to "do" confidence.  Sometimes, you just need a little reminder.

Noticing that you're feeling a little unsure or your confidence has taken a holiday? Contact me  One thing that's become increasingly clear to me? Going it alone is not ideal.

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

What do you want more than what you don't want?

Come again?

It's so easy to get caught up in what you don't want.  We tend to be very clear about the things we don't want, or want to avoid. We give all of our energy and attention to this, and forget to place our attention on what we do want.  Knowing what you don't want is useful information.  What can happen, however,  is that you can spend so much time and attention focussing on what you don't want, that you overlook thinking about what you actually do want. 

I recently had a conversation with a client who was adamant about a situation they wanted to avoid.  It was occupying so much of their thoughts that they were actually losing sleep over it.  When I shifted the conversation to figuring out what they wanted instead...click...the lightbulb went on.  Rather than losing sleep about what they wanted to avoid, they became energized about the thing that they actually wanted. Clarity.  Last time I checked in with them they were not only well on their way towards getting what they wanted, they said they were pausing in other situations to check in. They would stop and ask themselves the question I am asking you: "What do you want more than what you don't want"? Powerful.

This is most definitely the first step in getting what you want. Identifying it. Sounds simple doesn't it? 

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Notice your inner (and maybe outer too!) dialogue.  I want you to notice and catch yourself when you're giving attention to the things that you don't want.  It could be as simple as, "I don't want my tea to get cold". Whenever you find yourself going down that path:

• Pause

• Take a moment to take a breath.

• Then, ask yourself: What do I WANT instead?

• In the tea example? It could be: I want to finish my hot tea before I move onto something else.

• It doesn't have to be complicated, you're working on changing a pattern of behaviour. Be kind to yourself. Practice.

Start there. Notice what happens.


One thing that's become increasingly clear to me? Going it alone is not ideal.  Contact me  Let's get you moving towards what you want!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Is it a setback?

Or is it a setup?

It's 2022. I think by now it's safe to say: Things don't always work out how we may want them to. 

Just when we thought we were over yet another hump, another one showed up. Now here we are. A setback. 

It's easy in the moment to find the challenges in a setback - "I'm so done, if this wasn't happening I'd… I'd rather be…or I wish…etc."

What I've noticed in my own experience, and perhaps you might agree, is that with hindsight, a "setback" is often what becomes the setup. A "stepping stone" of sorts.  It's usually not obvious in the moment, that's why the hindsight seems to be key. When we're in the thick of the forest it's hard to see actual trees.

I'm thinking that we've all had setbacks before.  It's a part of life.  My guess is that there's usually some wisdom to be gained from looking at how we have managed setbacks in the past.  Looking back can be useful because... you made it through. You can see how the setback paved the way for something else.
 

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...


Think of a setback you had in the past that you now believe was actually a setup for something that would not have been possible otherwise.

• As you do, notice what things looked like through your eyes at the time.

• If someone else was in this situation, how would they describe it?

• If you back up a bit more, what might an onlooker have said about this situation?

• If it was a story or someone was writing a blog about it, what would it say?

Get up and go for a walk or just stretch and move for a couple of minutes or so.

Now think about where you are now and perhaps somethingsmallthat you are thinking is a setback.

• Think about the situation from your perspective.

• What might someone else, not involved in the situation, perhaps someone who loves you, or respects you, say about this situation?

• Back it up further and maybe notice what someone back in the bleachers might notice about it?

• If you look ahead a few years, how would you describe this situation to someone else?

Sometimes, a setback is an opportunity to progress and grow elsewhere. The opening for the next thing you're meant to be doing, having or being.

One thing that has become increasingly clear to me? Going it alone is not ideal.  Contact me Maybe reaching out in 2022 is a good idea?

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Is it time to make the call?

…take action or let it go…

Thinking, thinking and more thinking inevitably leads to one thing: overthinking!

I feel you. I've been dilly dallying around, adapting to being in lockdown again and staying motivated. It's hard. There's one thing I know for sure that always helps me stay motivated...ACTION. Even if it's the smallest of steps, it always provides that oomph I need to keep moving forward.  

Happy 2022!

New Year. Fresh start. Things have changed. Have you checked in with yourself lately? How about those things that have been occupying your mind?  Maybe now's a good time to take a look?

So here's the question: How long have you been thinking about it? Doesn't really matter what "it" is, you can only think about something for so long.

Do you have a decision to make?

I’m not referring to things that may require a lot of thought. I’m referring to the thing that continues to niggle at you; maybe it wakes you up, or stops you from falling asleep. Somehow, it always seems to make it to your "list" but never seems to get any attention. Those things. It's just a little thing and yet it continues to take up a lot of bandwidth. That thing that you think you really want to do or have, that thing that you just can't seem to get around to. 

It doesn’t really matter what it’s about … you can do something, or put it to bed. Take some sort of action. 

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Think about that one thing.  If there's more than one thing, just pick the one that pops into your mind now (you can always do this process with the other thing(s) later).

Ask yourself, is this really something that I want to do or have?   Notice what comes up. Then make the call.

• Hell yes - this is usually a visceral response. Plan the first baby step you will take...now!

• Yes, but not now - maybe you do recognize that you definitely want to do that thing but now isn't the right time. Identify when the right time will be and commit to it.

• No, Never - sometimes all it takes is a moment of really checking in on something to realize that you actually don't want it at all. It may be one of those things that someone else wanted for you and it kept making it to your list. Let it go.

Regardless of what came up for you, it's all a form of action.  Making a decision to say yes to your thing; prioritize it for later or to let it go is taking action.

After making the decision - notice how you feel - many times there's a lightness, a shift in energy. 

It's the start of a New Year! Want to prioritize so you can put your energy where it matters?  Contact me Maybe starting fresh in 2022 is a good idea?

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Before you slam the door on 2021...

Does anyone else feel like 2020 and 2021 just morphed into one year?  Are you having trouble tracking when certain events occurred?  My guess is you're not alone!

 It's almost New Year's Eve and the countdown is on... what if you took a few moments to reflect?

Here we are, perched at the beginning of a New Year, with yet again, so much uncertainty.  I continue to be hopeful, sometimes tired of all of this and, hopeful. 

I typically love this time of year. It's a chance to reflect: Say goodbye to some things that are no longer useful. Recognize things to hang on to and, it offers the opportunity to welcome new possibilities. 

Despite the uncertainty, this still remains true for me. How about you?

I'm not one for making resolutions, I've always preferred taking some time to reflect on the year that was.

How about you? Do you have a special way to mark the end of the year? Do you have a ritual for planning the next year? 

New beginnings, cleaning the slate, starting over...just a few of the ways some people refer to a New Year. While cleaning the slate and starting fresh may sound appealing, especially in these times, there may be a few things you want to hang on to. 

I'd like to offer this quick practice that I've been doing for the last several years; it doesn't take a lot of time and, you may be surprised by what pops up for you. The key here is to let what bubbles up be the answer, no second guessing... trust your brain! Then get curious after.

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out? You're definitely going to want to grab a piece of paper and something to write with...and maybe a timer if you want...
 

Your challenge for the next couple of days? Take some time to explore these questions:

What am I ready to leave behind?

What better time than the end of a year to ask yourself this question? We carry so many things with us year over year, maybe it's time to leave behind the things that are keeping you stuck, or holding you back. Perhaps its a relationship you've outgrown, a habit or feeling that you are done with, an attitude or even a tangible "thing"? Just notice what comes to mind for you.

What do I want to keep?

While setting new goals is always exciting, it's important to remember some of the stuff that you already have that's pretty great. Stuff you may want to keep. Relationships, health, friendships, work, useful practices that you do etc. Or maybe something new that you started out of necessity this year that you want to carry forward? A different way of working perhaps, a new relationship or a new habit that you started in 2021 that has been useful for you.

What do I want to add or have more of in 2022?

While "adding" always sounds good, you may already have some things in your life that you just want more of - family and friend time, me time or you get the idea here. Maybe you want to start a new thing? Perhaps it's about having more choices in a current situation. Whatever surfaces for you, take note.

What have I put on hold that I am now ready to look at?

As another year of restrictions comes to an end, perhaps you're ready to dust something off that you've put aside? One thing that has become even more clear this year is: there is no perfect time to do that thing you want to do. Even in a holding pattern, there is movement...sometimes slight, but movement nevertheless.

...and maybe most useful?

What have I discovered about myself this year?

2021 has continued to provide us with multiple opportunities to learn and adapt. Maybe, after another year, you've taken up a new hobby that surprised you or, you reawakened a previous passion? What practices have you adopted to ensure that you are staying well?  Spend some time pondering "what did I discover about myself?". Amidst all of the upheaval and persistent changes, what have you discovered about you?

I'm always intrigued by what comes up by running through this process. It creates food for thought .. which, is the point by the way....to get you thinking. No matter what surfaces for you I do hope that it's useful.


If you discover that you're ready to re-look at that thing you've put on hold  Contact me  I'd love to help you get what you want in 2022!

Happy New Year! Wishing you continued health, mind, body and spirit.

Cheers,

Ann

Is it a dead end?

Look closer...

You've been pursuing that thing you want and all of a sudden, you feel like you've come to a dead end. You can't see the finish line and it looks like it's over.

Look again...

No goal worth pursuing is going to follow a linear path. If you can see from start to finish right out of the gate, then maybe, it's not a goal. Maybe it's more of a "tick box" on your check list. Read that again.
 

Think about it.  What makes a goal, a goal? I know the SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely) philosophy and I'm guessing that most of you reading this are aware of this terminology.  This makes good sense for a business goal for sure. 

What about those "other" goals you have?  Dare I say the more important ones? The ones for you personally.  

Any goal has to have enough tension in it to make it worthwhile. A stretch. Something more than a check list activity.  Because when you achieve a goal it's not so much the trophy or certificate or whatever it is that symbolizes success. Rather, it's the path that led you there. A path that was probably littered with potholes, gravel and hills...life. The story of the path. That's what we remember when we achieve something and that's usually what we share with others when we describe our success. The trials and tribulations that led to the end result.

So let me ask you again - what if it's not a dead end? What if, it's a redirection, a detour of sorts?
 

The road may be closed but the gravel path is wide open...  
 

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Take a moment now to remember a time you achieved a goal. Allow a memory to come up for you. Get immersed in the memory as if it's happening now.  This is not a random memory, my guess is that it may be useful for the situation you are working on now.  Ask yourself, what can I tap into from this experience that will be useful for this goal I am working on now?  Allow the answer to bubble up.

Now think about that thing you want. Have you really come to a dead end, or is there an off road detour to take?

It's the end of the year and my schedule is full, but feel free to  Contact me  I'm thinking that starting fresh in 2022 may be a good idea?

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

What if it did work out?

Is it time to re-think it?

What have you written off because...

You've been thinking about that thing for a while now and still haven't done anything about it. You're not alone. Our brain's default is to look for trouble…it's built that way. It's not unusual at all to become doubtful or probably more accurately, fearful, when we're looking at doing something new. It's that "fight or flight" overreaction that our reptilian brains do anytime we entertain doing something different. Even if it is for positive reasons. The fact that we are going to expend energy that will occupy our brain and distract it from keeping us safe, is enough to send it into a tailspin...hence the doubt, fear, and ultimately, INACTION.  

Not very practical at all...

We allow that voice in our head to give us all the reasons why it can't happen. Check in. Is it even your voice? There can be a whole choir in there that doesn't even belong to you.

I'm thinking, if you're going to spend energy worrying about all the things that could go wrong, you may as well use that energy to contemplate what could go right. What if, instead of looking for the problem, you imagine the possibilities?

What if it did work out?
 

It's easier to tell ourselves that it wouldn't work out anyway.  It feels safer and can calm you down. Except...except it's bullshit.  You didn't come here to settle, did you?


Take a moment now to think of a time in your life when you did something new despite what that voice in your head was saying. Maybe it's a time long ago, you know, when you were a kid or a teenager perhaps?  Why?  Because back then we often acted before we thought too much about something.  Not necessarily a good practice then, however I'm thinking it's probably something really useful to tap into now? When you look back now, at that lived experience, what do you notice about how you felt? A sense of pride perhaps or a "no regrets" feeling?  Whatever it is, what if you bring that feeling to this current situation you are putting off?  What changes when you do that?

Telling ourselves something won't work out keeps us small and safe and gets us off the hook from being the fullest, most badass version of ourselves.  That doesn't sound at all how I want to live my life.  How about you? Is hanging out in the safe zone where you want to be? I didn't think so.

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Whatever it is that you've been putting off,  ask yourself the question: What if it did work out? 

Maybe make a list, to counteract the list you already have (even if it's only in your head) for why it won't work out.  Be courageous and bold and see what shows up for you. Sometimes seeing something in print can make the difference you need to take the first step.
 

It's the end of the year and my schedule is full, but feel free to  Contact me   I'm thinking that starting fresh in 2022 may be a good idea?

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

What are you ready for?

Notice that I didn't ask you "are you ready" for something. Asking the question this way gives you an out. Something to say no to.  An opportunity to say I'm not ready yet. Or, I'm ready except; or I'll be ready when...or I just need more time...you get the picture. 

The truth of the matter may be that, when you're embarking on something that's going to change things in your life, (even if it's for good reasons), you may never feel ready.  I'm thinking this is pretty normal. The status quo is so comfortable, even if it isn't exactly what we want, it's far more comfortable than doing something new. This is precisely why we can come up with a multitude of reasons to explain why now is not a good time to do something.  It can feel scary and risky.  Those are real feelings and our brain would prefer it if we kept doing what we always do. It takes way less energy to keep on doing what we're doing and makes it easier for our brain to continue to keep us safe. Sound like a sweet deal?  I didn't think so...

So I'll ask you again "What are you ready for?

Now notice the first thing that comes up for you. Take a moment and let it bubble up. 

Was it a surprise? Or is it something you've been thinking about for a while that you've been tucking away until? It could be as simple as your next cup of coffee, or maybe, you're ready to contemplate your next career move. 

Whatever came up is the right thing. 

I want you to check in with yourself and notice: What tells you that you're "ready" for that thing that came up for you?  When I say check in, I want you to close your eyes and think about that thing you are ready for.  As you do, notice any sensations that may come up for you, in particular, any physical sensations.  I know that when I'm feeling "ready" I get a strong sensation in my chest, almost a leaning forward, as if I'm starting a race. How about you?  Take a moment now to really notice because, whether you are ready for a cup of coffee, or to sign on the dotted line, chances are that "readiness" will show up the same way. Cool? Right?


One more thought: It's December, I know…how did that happen?  Are you ready to do this thing before 2021 comes to a close?

 Maybe now is the time.

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Check in with what bubbled up for you when you asked yourself the question. Then consider:

• What's one step to get the ball rolling?

  • make the call;

  • send the text;

  • or perhaps, just write the list.

It doesn't have to be big to get started, in fact, smaller is more likely to be sustainable. Take the first step and let the next one follow.

If you're feeling ready and you don't know where to start  Contact me  for a chat, it's always good to hear from you!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann