Are you looking for the halo or the horns?

Then you will find them…

Are you looking for the halo or the horns? 

I can vividly recall being in elementary school, probably grade seven or so, Gerry** was that kid. The bad one.  As I reflect I am guessing that Gerry had one hell of a childhood.  At school? Gerry was the bad kid.  Instigating fights at recess, talking back in class, storming out of the library...when there was something "bad" going on, you would usually find Gerry at the centre of it. 

Everyone - students, teachers, other parents, expected the bad behaviour and Gerry delivered. People looked for the horns and that's what they got. Except that one teacher, Mr. Smith**.  My guess is that Mr. Smith was probably in his early 20's at the time, as most new teachers are, and he was different.  He spoke to Gerry in a different way and Gerry responded differently to him as well.  No surprise that when Gerry was in Mr. Smith's class he was able to, albeit briefly, be a reasonably "good kid". Basically, he stayed out of trouble and did his work. That was what was expected of him in this class and he delivered. Mr. Smith could see Gerry's potential.

Where am I going with this? The concept of "halo or horns" comes up constantly, whether we are aware of it or not.

We are in the home stretch of 2021 and, in many organizations right now it's that time of year...performance reviews. I thought I would give you some food for thought. How we choose to look at someone is often how they will show up for us. 

At work? It can be how a boss sees an employee. This is a classic one. You will find whatever you are looking for. It's a form of confirmation bias. When you have an employee you see as a super star, you will find evidence to support it and, may even overlook undesirable behaviour because of this halo bias. Conversely and possibly more detrimental, is the horns bias, like Gerry experienced all those years ago, where  good attributes were overlooked.

Once you decide that someone is not doing what they should do or underdelivering,  the tendency can be to amplify all of the things they aren't doing to your satisfaction and find all kinds of evidence to support the horns you have put on them. Scary, right? It's yet another way to bring awareness to the fact that, what we focus on shows up. And, we have choices when it comes to directing our attention.

This obviously doesn't just show up at work. It can show up pretty much anywhere. We put a label on someone and look for evidence to support it.  Whether you're looking for the halo or the horns you will find them. You will become blinded by the bias you have unwittingly created. This blind spot will prevent you from seeing the full picture.

Have you put someone in a category and become blind to their other attributes?  Good or bad. Maybe check in and see?

Everyone wears horns every now and then, it's human. Think about it. Where might balancing out this truth be useful?

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

What if you think about a particular situation or maybe a person who is causing you some difficulty and ask yourself,  "am I looking for the halo or the horns"? You may be surprised by what you discover. Maybe try looking for the good and see what happens.


If you're preparing for a performance review or any other situation where preparation would be useful  Contact me Preparing clients for conversations where "showing up as your best matters", happens to be one of the things I specialize in and I'm really good at it!

Stay safe and well.

Warmly,

Ann

**real names have been changed

Still thinking about "it"?

It's definitely a start...and it won't get it done.

I've been thinking a lot recently about making cookies...Granny Cookies... to be specific.  They are a special cookie that my Mum made that became a favourite of the grandchildren...hence, the name.  So apparently I was talking about them again when my son,  Austin, turned to me and said, thinking about it won't get it done Mom. 

Kind of obvious isn't it?

Maybe there's something you keep thinking about doing that isn't getting done?  It could be a bit more important to you than making cookies and nonetheless, you're not getting it done.

Don't get me wrong, thinking is a good thing and I'm guessing that a lot of busy people probably don't take enough time to do it. Saying yes rather than pausing and thinking might have resulted in yet another thing making it to your "to-do" list.  Perhaps this is why we can end up doing things that we didn't really sign up for.

Then there's overthinking.  Running over something again and again and never quite making a decision.  

But that's not you, right?  You think just the right amount and only say yes to what you mean to say yes to...

For the rest of you?

Are you ready to stop thinking and make a decision?

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Check in on the thing you've been thinking about and meaning to get done.

Maybe ask yourself:

• Do I actually want to do this thing I am thinking about?

  • If the answer is no?

  • How did this make it to my list?

  • Does this really have to get done?

  • If so, does this have to get done by ME?

  • If not? DON'T spend anymore time thinking about it. Let it go

• If the answer is yes?

  • What's stopping me from doing it?

  • Are you're looking at the entire thing and getting overwhelmed?

  • Have you been putting it at the bottom of your list because it's not important enough?

  • Or maybe, you just don't know where to start?

For me? The answer is yes. Yes, I do want to make the cookies.
How do I start? The first little step I need to take? Grab the recipe. That's step one.

That's how you move from thinking to action. Figure out the first little step. Then the next...trusting that tiny steps, taken consistently over time, WILL result in transformational change or, in this specific example... a great batch of cookies!

If you're ready to stop thinking and make a decision,  Contact me for a chat. It's always good to hear from you!

Stay safe and well.

Warmly,

Ann

Is it time for a wake up call?

What if you got to choose?

A wake up call, by nature, is typically something that "happens to us". It's a call to action, often the result of an aha moment. That moment when someone says something that lands in a way that instantly changes how we think about something. An epiphany.

Or, it could be the result of an oh shit moment, a moment that blindsides you and leaves you wondering “what am I going to do now”?

And, it could be that moment when you decide that enough is enough. I’m done….with whatever it is…the job, the relationship, your physical state, way of thinking etc.

A wake up call, by nature, tends to be a whoosh…and all of a sudden, things will never be the same. It's that kind of experience, a moment that can knock the wind out of you and leave you breathless. It can also be the moment that propels you to the next amazing chapter in your life. It's a call to action, when taking action might be the last thing on your mind. That's why it is a wake up call!

Wouldn't you rather choose?

We are creeping towards the middle of November. I know…sorry about that. Has another year gone by where you're wondering where the time went? You really meant to do this or to stop that, but then….the world has kind of been keeping you in a holding pattern.

Sometimes a wake up call gives you no other option than to make a decision, start something new, or maybe stop to reflect and get a fresh perspective. Now what? That can be what happens too. Now what? Rather than being caught like a deer in the headlights, what if you actually had a plan?

The "new normal" is starting to unfold, bit by bit.  This is an invitation to start considering what your options may be moving forward.  Maybe it's no longer necessary to hang on to the safe stuff until the storm passes.  

What if you consider this message an invitation to a call to action...without all the drama of a wake up call?  How would New Year’s Eve be different this year as you reflect on that thing you ended up taking action on because you decided it was time?

When the count down to 2022 is on, how do you want to be feeling?  Do you want to feel like you're starting off on the right foot, that you're taking your situation under your control?  That you DO have options? 

It's possible to start planning to be where you want to be in 2022. To be setting yourself up for a fulfilling and successful year.  There are so many possibilities for you!  

What if you make 2022 the year that you decided to take a step towards what you want, rather than putting things on hold until the whoosh of a wake up call knocks you off your feet? 

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Check in with yourself. Take some time to mull over these questions and suggestions (you can even answer them on a piece of paper).

• Ask yourself: Where is there one place in my life where I'm ready to make a change? Let it come up and trust the answer.

• What would it feel like to make this change?

• How will this affect how I show up for myself and others?

• Baby steps.

• Literally, make one tiny change. Try it on and decide - is this what I want? If so...make one more tiny change and continue to ask the question. Is this what I want?

• If not? You've only made one tiny step, so it's easy to step back, right? Then you can decide to take another tiny step in a different direction. Always checking in, always asking the question - is this what I want?

Trusting that tiny steps, taken consistently over time,WILLresult in transformational change.Promise.

If you're ready to take action,  Contact me for a chat. It's always good to hear from you!

Stay safe and well.

Warmly,

Ann

Whose race are you running?

…stay in your own lane…

With the "great resignation" upon us, I thought I'd share a story with you...

Back a few years now, (almost eight!) I took a step that would forever change the trajectory of my life - I hired a coach.  Little did I know what was in store for me and how my entire definition of the race I was running would come to a screeching halt. Yes. It was that powerful.

I was at a crossroads in my work life …all of the boxes that suggested "success" were ticked:

• great job

• fantastic salary

• a team I loved working with

• a boss who challenged me

• and, of course, all of the "things" that went with it...

But it was no longer satisfying me. Maybe you can relate?

Then...

Then I did a writing exercise that changed my life. My coach asked me to write about what "success" meant to me.  So I did.

When I shared it with her I still hadn't "seen" the aha.  Probably because it wasn't what I had written that mattered so much as what didn't make it to the list: All the check box things didn't make it to the list, not even one of them! Things. All of that had some how got missed. Mic drop.  I was sort of blown away.  When I actually took the time to reflect - all of the other "things" that bubbled up weren't "things" at all.  It went far deeper than that. 

I knew then that I had to figure out what race I was actually supposed to be in because, somewhere along the way, I clearly ended up in a lane that was not mine. I had gone into autopilot, I had stepped out of my lane. Rather than looking around, I was going along with what I thought I was supposed to be doing/having/being - thinking that "this was the way it was" and that there was nothing else I could do to be both successful and fulfilled. Not true.

How about you? 

Why am I sharing this with you now? As I mentioned above, apparently, the "great resignation" is upon us. Not that I am suggesting that you jump ship but, I'm guessing that perhaps more than one or two of you have been mulling over your next steps?

Perhaps its time to check inon your race? Are you in your lane or have you veered off course?

When's the last time you checked in with yourself and asked -am I running my own race? Notice what comes up for you when you ask yourself this question. You may find that what you're doing fits the bill - awesome -you're in your lane, running your race.

If not...

Let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Check in with yourself.

• Ask yourself: "am I running my own race"? Whatever that means for you. It may or may not be work related.

• Perhaps pick one small area of your life and focus there. Let it come up organically...trust what pops for you.

• I highly recommend putting an actual pen to paper to explore this.

• When you're done, ask yourself: What's one small thing I can do right now to get closer to my own lane. Then repeat, often.

If you're ready to run your own race,  Contact me for a chat. It's always good to hear from you!

Stay safe and well.

Warmly,

Ann

What are you ready to get back to?

Is it just me, or did Fall suddenly just happen?!  It seems to have crept up and then landed...hard.

I usually feel inclined to refresh in September yet it felt so "summery" that I kept doing what I was doing. Now?  It's definitely Fall!

So, back to the question...what are you ready to get back to? And, perhaps further to that, is there something you need to let go of to bring that back? 

We are now in yet another phase of getting "back to normal", whatever that may mean to you.  For some, that may mean starting to go back into the office; going to get your groceries rather than getting them delivered;  heading back to the gym vs. online workouts.  Again...whatever pops up for you.

For me?  A couple of things have bubbled up recently.

• Writing, journaling. For some reason I have let this habit slip away. So I started again this morning, just a paragraph or two. What did I need to let go of in order to do that? The idea in my head that it wasn't important enough to spend time on. Basically not true.

• Increasing the intensity of the working out I have been doing. I moved on to a more challenging online workout and, based on how sore I am today, it seems to be working! I had to let go of the idea that going to the gym was the only way to get that kind of workout. Again, not true.

• Getting outside in ALL types of weather. I had started to let the grey, rainy days be my excuse for not getting outside. I had to let go of summer!! This might have been the toughest one.

How about you?

What are you ready to get back to? Is there something you need to let go of in order to start again?

So let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Check in with yourself.

• Ask yourself "what am I ready to get back to"? Allow whatever surfaces to be the "thing". It doesn't have to be a big thing at all. Just trust what comes up.

• Then? Ask yourself...is there something I need to let go of to do this?

• Then do it. One little thing. See what happens.

If you're ready to get intentional about how you're showing up,  Contact me for a chat. It's always good to hear from you!

Stay safe and well.

Warmly,

Ann

What if you did act like a toddler?

Seems like a weird enough question, doesn't it?  Why would you want to act like a toddler?


Not too long ago, I had a conversation with a really smart person who recently immigrated to Canada.  They were sharing with me some of the learning that they had had in their time here so far.  So much that I take for granted. I'm talking about the basic things we understand that are literally foreign to someone who is getting to know the ropes.

They shared with me that they often felt like a toddler.  I think what they were trying to express was that when they were faced with something new, they had to regress to the mindset of a toddler to learn it.  Their description of a toddler, however, was less than flattering and left me with a chance to reframe not only the behaviour of a toddler but also, how this person was looking at learning again.

"Stupid and clumsy". Yikes.  Not exactly complimentary.  They proceeded to tell me a story of a recent road trip they took. When it was time to find a parking spot, they didn't know whether they could park in front of someone's home or not.  They had to phone a friend they had met in Canada to ask the question.  They felt stupid.

I suggested that not asking the question and getting a parking ticket would have been "stupid". Asking the question was smart.  Lightbulb on.

We continued the conversation to help them reframe the idea that being a "toddler" was a bad thing, reminding them that: every expert, no exception, started out as a beginner.  

I respectfully suggested that many of the toddlers I've met have a few qualities in common: They are relentlessly curious...always asking why.  They are playful and don't take things too seriously...unless of course, it's the play itself. And, they remain present in whatever they're doing. They don't seem to get too concerned about what's next on the agenda. They just ARE.

I'm pretty sure there was a shift in there somewhere...

So how might this be useful for you?  My guess is that we've all come up against being new at something.  Also, I'm thinking that there may be things you are facing right now where the mindset of a toddler could provide a different perspective?


So let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Pick a situation where you have been feeling unsure or need to learn something new.  Keep it simple. Then do the following:

• Ask yourself - what if I was more curious about this? Keeping in mind here that there are no "stupid" questions.

• Where could I see the playful side of this? What are you taking too seriously? Lighten up!

• What if I stayed present - here and now? Be in the moment.

Notice how being curious, playful and present can open up options. You may be surprised.

If you're ready to get intentional about how you're showing up,  Contact me for a chat. It's always good to hear from you!

Stay safe and well.

Warmly,

Ann

Are you missing the low hanging fruit?

Low hanging fruit. You know, the stuff right in front of you, or sometimes just off to the side. No stool or ladder required to get it. 

It's there.

When you're not prepared for a situation it may be difficult to find, or it's often just out of reach.

Have you ever been in a conversation where you are choosing your words carefully? We've all been in conversations like that, and suffice it to say that having to choose your words suggests that things aren't going very smoothly.  What about  those situations where you find yourself blurting something out that you didn't intend to? I'm thinking that we've had those situations as well. You know, the ones where you ask yourself:  Did I just say that out loud? Yikes.

What's the difference between people who are able to show up and get what they want out of a conversation or situation and those who end up with their foot in their mouth?

Preparation. Intention.

When you head into a situation prepared and in the right state, you're less likely to find yourself reaching for words or blurting out something that you can't take back.  Rather, you just may find yourself noticing that things are going more smoothly. No trying to choose the next word.

How do you do this?

So let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Pick one conversation that you would like to have go well. It could be getting someone to agree on dinner plans. Whatever comes up for you. Keep it simple. Then do the following:

• Think about the conversation you're going to have.

• Then take some time to sit down and imagine that the conversation has gone well. Picture where you are and when it is. How do you know it has gone well?

• Pay attention to the behaviours you did that helped the conversation go well.

• Notice how the other person is responding to you in this situation. What tells you that it's going well?

• Now plan to have the conversation and notice how it goes.

When you're done, take some time to notice what difference it made to take some time to prepare.

If you're ready to get intentional about how you're showing up,  Contact me for a chat. It's always good to hear from you!

Stay safe and well.

Warmly,

Ann

I see you...

This is going to be short and to the point...

I see you.   You took some time to take some inventory, and now? You're curious and asking yourself...is it time?  I'm going to make a bold statement here: If you're wondering if it's time, then there's a really good chance that the answer is a resounding YES!

Time for what?  That thing that keeps popping up. You know, when you're lying awake at night, or when you're muted and your screen is off on Zoom. Those thoughts. What's at the edges all of the time, trying to get your attention? That thing.

Timing.  We seem to believe that for everything there is a perfect time and yet, this is mostly untrue.  When something keeps niggling at you and you continue to put it on the backburner, it's not going to go away!  I've heard that what we resist, persists. 

So what keeps "persisting" for you? What keeps pulling at your attention when you're supposed to be doing something else? Maybe it's time to explore that? Getting to the root of why that thing is persisting. Deciding what you want to do about it.  All of that. 

No matter what's pulling at your attention, what if you took one little step and got more intentional about exploring it?

So let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

Pick one or two of these that would be most useful for you and your particular situation and then commit to doing them:

• Make the phone call.

• Send the text; the email; the instant message.

• Search the website.

• Read the book.

• Ask the question.

• One step.

Maybe, just maybe, NOW is exactly the right time.

If you're ready to get intentional about how you're showing up,  Contact me for a chat. It's always good to hear from you!

Stay safe and well.

Warmly,

Ann

Time to take some inventory?

September. I don't know about you, but for me, it always brings a sense of renewal and fresh energy. Change is hanging in the air. The bright sunny days and cooler evenings...

Perhaps this sense of renewal and fresh energy stems from the memories of the transition from summer to back to school time. The potential for new beginnings. Although I haven’t been “back to school” in quite some time, I still look at September as a time to pause and reflect on what has happened so far in the year: a chance to course correct if that's what needs to happen.   Take some "inventory".  Whatever that may mean for you right now. 

What I've learned, and you may find useful, is that taking a pause and reflecting back on the year so far can be instrumental in deciding how to spend your energy for the next four months. It may be helpful for you to account for and realize (despite the circumstances we've been in) just how much you have accomplished since January. Remembering that your definition of accomplishment may have shifted significantly over the past  ~18 months or so. Checking in with that and noticing any potential areas that you want to give some attention to, or perhaps back off on. Making some time to consider how you want the rest of the year to unfold for you.

Taking a conscious pause to check in with yourself is something most of us don't routinely do. I'm also guessing that perhaps, in these unusual circumstances, we may have been more likely to check in with others rather than ourselves. However, I want to suggest that it can be really useful. As you're reading this, I am away on a road trip to Tobermory where I am slowing down to pause and reflect. Let the world catch up with me.  Taking some inventory.

So what about you? If slowing down isn’t in your plans, what is in your plans? Are you satisfied with how things are shaping up for 2021, or are you ready to shift gears? If a “course correction” is required, what action are you going to take? You still have plenty of time to finish 2021 in a way that is meaningful for you.

So let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

• Will you take 10 minutes or so to reflect on how far you've come this year? No kidding, will you? I suggest actually putting pen to paper for this and just writing non-stop to let the yarn unravel. That's what happens when you write non-stop, things start to bubble up.

• Once you've done that, continue to write the ending that you want to have for 2021. Same suggestion: write non-stop for 10 minutes. You may be surprised by what surfaces on the paper for you.

• Visualize it and make it vivid. Imagine this New Year's Eve and what you want to look back on. What will tell you it was a good year for you?

  • What did you let go of this year?

  • What new things did you discover about yourself?

  • What else?

If you keep doing what you’re doing, is this ending likely to happen? If not, take some time to think about what you need to do to finish up how you’d like. You may need to alter your plans to get there, but know that you probably have more choices than you think you do.

If you're ready to get intentional about how the rest of your year goes,  Contact me for a chat. It's always good to hear from you!

Stay safe and well.

Warmly,

Ann

Is it a battle or is it an adventure?

When you're faced with a challenging situation, how would you describe it?  A battle or an adventure? How you answer that question may tell you a little bit about your mindset

Welcome to the fifth and final installment of a multi-part blog series on helping you recognize what might be keeping you stuck and small steps to get you moving forward again.

Sometimes all it takes is one little nudge to get you back on track.

The focus for this final  blogpost in the series is on the role that your MINDSET  can play in keeping you stuck.

Optimistic? Pessimistic? Realistic? It matters.

Mindset. The word itself suggests that our minds are set, and yet this is not true. Our mindset is a compilation of all of our experiences up until this very moment in time and truthfully, our mindset is not exactly our own. What do I mean by this? As we move through our lives, we are influenced by so many opinions and examples of how others view their world. Not only that, we are also influenced by others attitudes and the way they experience "their" world.  It starts at home, and then as we enter other environments, school, work etc. we are exposed to others' sometimes strong viewpoints... the lines can get fuzzy. Whose thought is this anyway? Is this really how I want to view my world? It takes discipline to decide that how you have been looking at the world to date – glass half full – glass half empty – or completely refillable - is a choice.

Choice. This is the first hurdle to overcome. Why is it a hurdle? Because if you decided a long time ago that "this is who I am and this is just how I think” it can be a bit of a shock to realize that you do, in fact, have a choice about how you look at things. Bottom line…you CAN change.

It’s a moment-to-moment thing. Noticing when you're going down your usual path of negative thinking, doom and gloom.  Initially, this noticing probably won't happen in the moment.  Maybe it's not until the next day when you realize that you could have responded differently to a situation. That’s a start. Noticing. Asking yourself, how else could I look at this? Not in the everything is sunshine and puppies way, but rather in a way that promotes resiliency and optimism.

How else could I look at this? Eventually you will find yourself noticing in the moment, and that's where the opportunity to really change your outlook gets real. Noticing and course correcting.

I can pretty much guarantee that this is a game changer. People will enjoy being around you more, you’ll enjoy being around you more! 
 

So let's get to it....

Are you willing to try this out?  If so...

Your challenge for the next week…

The next time you find yourself going down your usual path of negative thoughts.. ask yourself:

How else could I look at this? 

Each and every time. It's simple, but not easy. 

Let it become a practice and you WILL notice a change in yourself.

Thank you for coming along on this journey with me!  I truly hope that you have found a "nugget or two" to provoke your thinking and perhaps most importantly, to move you forward when you're feeling stuck. 

If you're ready to get unstuck and shift your mindset please  Contact me for a zero obligation chat. It's always good to hear from you!

Stay safe and well.

Warmly,

Ann