You're not a battery...you need to unplug to recharge...

You’re not a battery…you need to unplug to recharge.

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it”. Ferris Bueller.

It’s still summertime, have you taken a break yet? Something to note as we move towards "back to school/work/regular life - whatever that means for you"...Maybe Ferris Bueller was onto something here? 

There's still some time to take a pause, recharge, and reset.

Pausing to check in with yourself, is a gift that many of you don’t give yourself. When you’re on the constant treadmill of life, it can be easy to forget about taking time for yourself.

What does a pause look like?

From taking an actual vacation to finding moments in your day; a pause is a chance to step back, catch your breath, and reset.

Why does making time to pause matter? There are so many benefits:

• Getting a chance to step away from something gives you a chance to gain a new perspective on it.
  

  • Something as simple as getting up and going for a walk can be enough to refresh you and provide you with insights into a problem that you would never get if you stayed focused on it. Apparently, there’s research that shows that active rest, like pursuing a hobby, sport, or anything else where you are moving instead of sitting, boosts creativity and productivity!

• It can recharge your batteries.
  

  • When you charge an actual battery, you plug it in. But you’re not a battery! In order to recharge your human batteries you need time to rest and take breaks from screens or other environmental ‘noise’. This is ultimately what can recharge your human batteries. They say everything works better if you unplug it. Yourself included. When you do this, a funny thing can happen. You may feel refreshed and re-energized.

  • You actually can gain momentum by slowing down and taking a break. New ideas come in those moments when you’re doing something else.

• If nothing else, taking a break of any length can serve as a reset. A new baseline to move from.

So what can you do?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Here are some suggestions to consider to refresh your energy.

Reconnect with:

• A hobby you never find time to do.

• Nature. Get out and sit by a tree or go for a walk.

• Your partner, dog, cat, or an old friend.

• Yourself. You may just find that by slowing down, you discover something new about you.

It's still summertime, truly the perfect opportunity to pause, step back, and reflect before you dive back into all of the activities that autumn can bring. Take advantage of it.

Every now and then, stop and take a look around, take in the scenery. Check-in with all of your senses. Really. Track through your body, and maybe notice your breath or balance. Listen to the sounds around you, near and far. Notice the picture unfolding around you and take in the details. All of it. Savour it. Put it into your mental bank account and then withdraw it anytime you need a quick break.

Just like Ferris Bueller said…"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it”.  And, you don't want to miss it!

Have you been thinking about chatting with me? Contact me September is a perfect time to look at change!

Warmly,
Ann

You’re not a battery…you need to unplug to recharge…

Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right... Henry Ford

Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right... Henry Ford

Love this quote. In my mind, nothing sums up mindset like this…

Mind over matter? I know... some people don't believe that it matters what, and maybe more importantly, how you think. 

This is not about toxic positivity at all.  This is about the moment-to-moment situations you may find yourself in where, for a split second,  you can make a choice.  Pretty much anytime. Given the option, why wouldn't you choose to think optimistically?

I just got back from a vacation in Northern Ontario and spent most of the time outdoors hiking. While hiking one day in a stunning and pretty rugged provincial park I ran into a group of five women who asked me to take their picture.  We started chatting and they told me that they'd been meeting up for about 29 years now to canoe, hike, and up until recently, camp. These women ranged in age from 75 to 88, and they were full-on badass. Not only physically fit, their attitude was inspiring.  What struck me about these women is exactly what I'm talking about...mindset. Doing what they do is a no-brainer for them. They come together all the way from BC to remote parts of Ontario and elsewhere....because,  as one of them said to me..." this matters, this is important". There's no question about confidence in this group, they defined it.

Mindset.*

Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right... HF


How does this relate to growing your confidence? 

• If you always call to mind the times in your life when you weren't confident then that's what your brain's gonna do...look for evidence to support that thought. That's how the Reticular Activating System (RAS) in your brain works. Whatever you focus on, it'll find evidence to support it

• Likewise,  if you're able to call to mind times when you were confident and you focus on those experiences then, your brain will accommodate that as well and start looking for more evidence to support that.

It's cool that way. 

So here's your thought for today. When you're thinking about something that you want to be, have, or do, check in with your mindset, because if you're already thinking you can't...why bother? Really. Decide to choose possibilities, confidence... choose you. Choose optimism.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Whether you're working on something new, entering a new phase in your life, or looking for something different, whatever the case may be...it matters how you're thinking.

When your brain starts to take you down the path of self-doubt and fear, here are some suggestions for you:

• Pay attention.

  • Seems obvious but we tend to go to autopilot, well, automatically, so you may not even notice that it's happening. Start to pay attention.

• Question yourself.

  • In your head or out loud. Ask yourself. Is what I'm thinking about this situation and my capabilities really true?

• Pause.

  • Wait for the answer to the question above. If you really pay attention, one will come, usually as a whisper and you may be surprised to find that what you're thinking isn't true at all. It's your autopilot response.

• Make the choice.

  • Yes, "the choice". Decide that you're going to choose an optimistic mindset this time.

• Take action.

  • My favourite way to shift my mindset. Take a step in the direction of that thing you want to have, be, or do.

• Repeat.

  • Often. This is a practice. Be gentle with yourself. That autopilot brain of yours is determined to win. Repetition of this process makes it more likely that you'll eventually be able to interrupt this pattern and gradually, ever so gently, shift your mindset.

This works. I promise. Simple but not easy. It takes commitment and awareness and you don't have to do it alone!  

If you want help learning to shift your mindset Contact me I promise you, it will make a huge difference in how you look at the world and definitely grow your confidence!

Warmly,
Ann

*One of the three pillars of my personal confidence recipe.

Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t - you’re right…Henry Ford

Keeping your head...

Keeping your head when everyone else is losing theirs isn't luck..it's a SKILL!

Keeping your cool, keeping it together when things are going sideways.  You can learn this.

I have a funny story to share with you.  A "few" years back... just four months into my new position at a new company and the morning of the day I was giving my first big presentation to the entire functional unit, this happened...

As I was running back and forth, loading my car and probably rushing my kids to get ready for daycare, a squirrel somehow managed to jump out of my mailbox and proceeded to run up the stairs, right into the bathroom where my daughter was brushing her teeth! To say it was an interesting morning is probably an understatement!  What did I do?  I ran upstairs, closed the bathroom door, and left a squirrel in my tub! I dropped my very excited kids off at daycare, headed to the office, and successfully delivered my presentation,which went off without a hitch. I think probably because I decided that what mattered most at that moment was how I showed up for that presentation. More important than worrying about the squirrel in my bathroom**.

What I didn't consciously realize then that I fully get now is that I was managing my "state"...how you, me, everyone, at any given time is "being" or showing up.

Your "state" is essentially:

• Your thoughts.

• Your physiology.

• Your feelings.

at any given time.

Just so you know, we usually operate on autopilot, not even aware of how we are feeling, thinking, or moving. This is a good thing for the most part because you want to be able to do things and not constantly be thinking about them. However, when you get knocked off balance, it's useful to be able to pivot and get intentional.

There are always going to be things that knock you off your game, whether you're at home, work, or in the grocery store and maybe they won't be as exciting as a squirrel running into your house on the morning of a big presentation! Maybe you'll have an issue with your car or you get a text from someone who irritates you or something happens and all of a sudden you're not focusing on what really matters at the moment. You get thrown off your game.

How do you manage yourself, and your state when things get a little unexpectedly chaotic?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Like any new skill, it takes practice to show up with intention, to know how you want to be when others are losing their cool.

Here are some tips to get you started when it comes to managing yourself when sh*t hits the fan:

Imagine how you would like to show up.

• Notice your thoughts.

  • If you're in a situation where you want to keep your head, what would be useful for you to keep in mind? Literally, for you to think about, maybe it's a role model you have who is good in a crisis.

• Notice your feelings or emotions.

  • How would you like to feel? Perhaps it's focused or clear? Pick something that would be useful for you.

• Check in with your physiology.

  • This is probably the most underrated secret weapon that you have.  You can change both your thoughts and your feelings by changing your body.  Not kidding. And...it can be as simple as changing how you're breathing. Seriously. 

Once you decide how you'd like to show up...practice. How? By calling to mind real, lived experiences you've had when your thoughts, feelings, and physiology were aligned with how you want to show up. Practice each one individually and practice them one after another.  Then try them out in real situations and see what changes in how you show up.

If you want help learning this skill Contact me I promise you, it will make a huge difference in how you show up. 

Warmly,
Ann

Keeping your head when everyone else is losing theirs…is a SKILL!

I said yes...and now...

…I'm losing my sh*t a little...

You'd think that someone who makes their living as a "Confidence" Coach would never feel nervous.

Well... you'd be wrong!  I am human after all...

In my last blog I talked about saying yes and not avoiding opportunities because of fear.  I also mentioned that I'm practicing saying yes and then figuring it out...What the heck was I thinking??!!

I have an event coming up on the weekend and the feeling I'm getting in my chest and stomach is REAL! And...I know despite those feelings, I'm going to be fine.  Although it certainly doesn't feel that way right now!

How does it feel right now? Freaking Scary!

How about you?  Have you ever said yes to something and then had all the very REAL feelings that may go with it? For me it's my chest and stomach, maybe for you, it's somewhere else?

I want to let you know that this is completely normal and it doesn't go away...EVER. That's not to say that you don't learn ways to manage it and lessen some of the physical sensations and mental chatter, it just becomes a part of the process. The process you're gonna have to become friends with if living a life that's fulfilling and exciting matters to you.

For you? Maybe it's not about being in front of an audience and I'm guessing that something came to mind where you too get the wiggly stomach and chest.  Whatever the case may be, it's about not settling for less because your amygdala wants to run the show.  There ARE things we can do to manage this and do the things we want to do.

Are you ready?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

You said yes...bravo!  Now what? How do you manage all of those very REAL sensations that are going to come up for you?

• Acknowledge.

  • Trying to run away from how you're feeling pretty much works NEVER. Acknowledge how you're feeling. Really notice where in your body any sensations may be coming up.

• Identify.

  • Once you've acknowledged how you're feeling, in my case, I call it a "wiggly" stomach and chest. - label it. Maybe it's nervous. Take a few minutes now to do this.

• Question.

  • I like to ask myself, based on these physical sensations, what else could this be? Let yourself get quiet and wait. When I'm nervous the sensations are almost exactly like the sensations I get when I'm excited. 

  • Take the answer you get from the question above and ask yourself "What if I was xxx instead"?  In my case, what if I was excited instead of nervous? 

• Notice.
  

  • What happens when you change what the physical sensations mean? All of a sudden you have another option.

Trust yourself, you're smarter, more prepared, and ready than you think!

I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me  

Warmly,
Ann

I said yes…and now…

Say yes! Before you overthink it...

I'm 100%, in full agreement of saying no so you leave space for the things that you want and that really matter and...

...this blog focuses on when saying yes is useful and saying no is not in your best interest...where saying no is avoidance
In my case...pretty much always due to fear.  

About a year ago I had a voicemail on my phone asking me if I would consider presenting at a business event…one that probably would’ve put me in front of a roomful of my ideal clients by the way. As I listened to the voicemail, the commentary in my head started and it went something like this:

• You don't know enough.

• It's not the right time.

• What if your technology fails?

• They've made a mistake...

The commentary was so loud and convincing that by the time I was on the phone speaking to the organizer of the event, I’d already rejected the opportunity and had someone to refer them to as well. They spent the entire call trying to convince me why I was the right person and I spent the call convincing them otherwise.

As soon as I got in my car to head out to an appointment and the amygdala/hippocampus discussion going on in my head had settled down, I realized holy s*** of course I can do this! Of course, I can! I promptly called the event organizer letting them know that I could totally do it.  By the time I arrived at my appointment and sat to wait I put together a draft for the whole event and I did it within 5 minutes so clearly...I could do it!

Then I get the message back...time was of the essence for them... I had given them a great referral and they hired them. Ouch.

I shake my head now when I think about this… our biggest lessons are sometimes painful, and that was a lesson for sure.

Can you relate?  Maybe you have a similar story to tell?


Here's what I walked away with:

Before you (as in ME!)  say no, take a breath and consider the following:

• You're never going to feel 100% ready.

• What does this person see in you that you may be blind to?

• You're not gonna get any better at what you're doing until you say yes to these opportunities.

• Trust that you know way more than you think you do.

Are you ready?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

What have you been avoiding because you're afraid or feel unprepared, not experienced enough, or whatever is stopping you and compelling you to say no? 

Here's what's been helpful for me and I hope will also be helpful to you too. Reflect on this:

• What if you do know enough?

  • You're never going to feel a hundred percent ready.

• You're not gonna get any better at what you're doing until you say yes to these opportunities.

  • Often you're the last one to recognize your own competence.

• Stop arguing against yourself, for your limitations.

  • When someone sees something in you that they think would be useful obviously there's a reason.

• Say yes!!

  • I'm happy to report that since this "incident," I've returned to my "say yes and figure it out" motto.

So how about it? What if you say yes? What could be possible for you?

I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me  Let's play a bit in the muck!

Warmly,
Ann

Why work with me?  If you're looking at growing your confidence (or any other skill)... and you want to work with somebody who gets it, who's still on the path...I'm your person! Contact me  Plus we'll have a lot of fun too!

Say yes! Before you overthink it…

Psssst...Is it time to take off your mask?

I'll go first!

I've been doing a lot of work over the last four months with an incredible coach and it's been game-changing. Game-changing for me in terms of how I'm showing up. I'm so excited to finally be reconnecting with myself and being more of myself in my writing so that you can see who I really am. Warts and all!

I'm feisty and energetic, I can see b*******  and I will call it out... and on the flip side of that? I'm gentle. I'm kind. I'm empathetic and I love seeing you step into the biggest, boldest version of yourself.

All of that. 

I can be all of that and be professional…

I'll never forget what now is a funny recollection of some feedback I received several years ago.  As part of my development,  I was working with a director in another department of my organization. We couldn't have been more opposite. In my mind, they came across as a little stiff and serious and well me...I was being me.  When we provided feedback to each other during the project it was quite interesting. They thought I was too casual in some of my presentations and I told them that they could loosen up and be more of themselves.  I see now that we were both projecting ourselves on each other.  I took it very seriously at the time and it actually hindered my performance, until someone pulled me aside and gave me some perspective...I was stifling the very thing that made people resonate with me. My realness! 

How about you? 

Who are you? How would you describe yourself? What are the parts of you you're hiding that may be the key to connecting more deeply with others? Yes, time and place...I wholeheartedly acknowledge this and...I'm willing to bet that there are probably more opportunities than you think to be more of yourself. Loosen up a little.

What are you stifling that's ready to be seen?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Take some time now to consider the following without overthinking...

• How would you describe yourself, the you that you naturally are and feel at ease with?
  

  • Pick three or four of the top attributes that came up for you.

• How often do the attributes you noted show up in your interactions with people you work with or for?
  

  • Notice. Is your response surprising?

• What are the parts of you that you're hiding that may be the key to connecting more deeply with others?
  

  • It’s your humanness that makes you a better leader, colleague...a better you. Don't hide that! Celebrate it.

Let's be clear here... people resonate with real people. People they can see themselves in. I’m here to be your mirror, your perfectly imperfect, real, human model.

I’ll show up with my humanity and keep your best interests at heart because your results are my first priority! We can have fun and get you serious results.

Are you ready to start lifting your mask a little? It’s safe here. Contact me  I know that showing my humanity gives you permission to do the same. That’s big.

Warmly,
Ann

Psssst…is it time to take off your mask?

Stop taking yourself so seriously.

Seriously…

I can't tell you the last time I felt so inspired to put a blog out.  

When I first started writing blogs, about eight years ago, I would get a "bubbling" in my chest and pour out my ideas pretty much as is, no filter, and send them out into the ether. They came from my heart and I didn't worry about what people might think. I knew they would resonate with those people who were looking for real and authentic content. Somewhere along the way, I don't know exactly when, I started to feel that this wasn't "appropriate" and I started to conform to what I thought others would approve of...Until today.

This past weekend I put out a video of a blooper of one of my Confidence Tip Tuesday videos**.  This is something I never would have done in the past because I didn't want anyone to think that I didn't know what the heck I was doing...the idea that I've got my s*** together... which, let's face it, none of us do! It made me laugh because being able to take myself more "lightly" was liberating. So freeing.

This is my post today... my blog for you!

What I'm discovering more and more is that confidence is the willingness to show up as yourself, perfectly imperfect.

In my world, confidence:

• Is a mindset.

• Doesn't mean having it all figured out.

• Means that you're willing to feel fear and be brave enough to take a step anyway.

• Means trusting yourself and your instincts and being okay with being wrong sometimes.

How about you?

What's your definition or experience of being confident?

Generally, I've always been pretty guarded about showing myself as anything less than professional.  Primarily because I had the cloud of "what will they think" looming over my head. I'm learning that being "professional" is being human.  What a concept.

I'm doing the work to become more myself and I'm discovering that I can be pretty silly. This doesn't mean I'm not competent at what I do, it just means I'm human. If you're a leader and you're reading this, I want to tell you hands down, people want to see your humanity.  They don't want perfection, they want real.  The best boss (besides myself!) I ever had  - shout out to Sarah - showed up in a real human way and she was so respected for that. It was her example that allowed us to be human too, so just a tip, when you're leading people, they don't want to see your perfection...they want to see your humanity.

Are you ready?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

Consider the following:

• Where are you taking yourself way too seriously?

  • There's a time and place for sure. Assess. 

• Is it really that important to worry about perfection and what people are going to think?

  • People love your humanity, it gives them permission to be human too.

• People want to see more of who you are.

  • Again. Time and place. And...I'm going to wager that there are plenty of times you could let your guard down. Start noticing.

I'm finding my footing again. So you're gonna see more of me.  Real. Authentic. Silly. Maybe messy at times. Kinda like I am in person. That's my goal. This is who I am and it is my hope that by modeling this you'll reconnect with your real, authentic not so serious self.

I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me  Let's play a bit in the muck!

Warmly,
Ann

Stop taking yourself so seriously. Seriously…

Hang on! What's the hurry?

What's the hurry to "get there"? Check-in. Have you ever found yourself saying: As soon as I figure this out I'll...Or then I'll do that.  I just want to *you fill in the blank* and then I can... 

You act as if when you get something figured out then everything else will be great.  Here's a news flash for you...it's not necessarily true! It's actually the process that provides the satisfaction. Not the trophy.

Patience is underrated especially when you’re growing a skill.

Why are we less likely to be patient when we're trying to learn a new skill? 

• Learning something new can be awkward.

• We want to skip the discomfort of being "new" at something. 

• Our brains want us to stay as we are so they fight change and that can make being patient a challenge.

• We underestimate the power of small consistent steps when it comes to gaining expertise.

Here's some food for thought: Have you ever considered that rushing through slows you down? 

How?

• When you're rushing through you're more likely to miss the small details, the low-hanging fruit. The information that's just out there, right beyond your grasp. All of that information that's always around you that you're not noticing because you're in such a hurry to "get it done"!

Impatience. Why are we impatient to get to the finish line?  My guess (and full disclosure here, my own personal experience) is to avoid the discomfort of learning something and not being good at it yet.  That sometimes flailing feeling when you're not competent at something and you really want to be. The "in-between" time, you know...the messy middle where you're practicing and failing and tripping over your own feet..until you're not. That feeling.

When you don't know something and you're trying to learn, your brain is trying to point back toward the status quo. It's real. It wants you to stay the way you are...keep being predictable. That in and of itself is a challenge.

I don't know about you but I like to know things and when I'm learning and not where I wanna be, it feels really frustrating and sometimes, a little scary.

The power of patience. What's the value of taking a breath to consider all options, all angles and not simply acting in haste to get to the end, to get to the finish line?

Are you ready?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

If you're in the midst of learning a new skill. No matter what it may be, take a pause to do some reflecting.  It's easy to forget what it's like to learn something new and you can underestimate the time it took.  Sometimes it’s useful to think about a skill you're already proficient at.  Maybe it's making great espresso, riding a bike, doing the perfect backflip, or active listening, something that you do without much thought now.

Think back and reflect on the process you went through to get there. All the steps you had to take. The failures and setbacks. All of it. Reaching your goals gives you a chance to notice the patterns that emerge when you’re working hard towards something you want. Noticing the things that got you stuck, and what skills or resources you drew upon to get going again.

At some point, you started with an endpoint in mind, something you wanted. You didn’t have to know every step, it started with the first one. It was all about setting the wheels in motion and, as you continued to take steps, maybe you even had some patience.

Every expert, without exception, started out as a beginner.  There may be some shortcuts however, there are still going to be times when you're simply not going to know and you're going to have to be patient and put in the time.

Deciding to make a change or grow a new skill is acknowledging you're willing to be "bad" at something before you get "good" at it. This is something that's not necessarily comfortable however when you want to continue to learn and grow, it's necessary.  Putting yourself out there and trying new things, asking questions fumbling, and getting back up again. Showing yourself grace and patience. 

I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me  Let's play a bit in the muck!

Warmly,
Ann

Hang on! What’s the hurry?

Time to dig deep...let's talk beliefs...

While letting go of unrealistic expectations and judgement is key to growing a skill, there's another, often sneaky, perhaps surprising thing to consider.

Time to dig deep here...let's talk beliefs. When it comes to letting go...this one's a doozy.

Beliefs. How deep are your beliefs? Very. The thing about beliefs is, we tend to categorize them. We say that some beliefs are good, or bad, or there are "limiting beliefs".  The fact of the matter is all beliefs are limiting...good, bad, or otherwise.  Maybe read that again. That's their job. They act as filters to your world and that's pretty useful, you need to have something to believe in and follow.  They tend to narrow your perspective and keep some information out, usually information that doesn't support them, they're sneaky that way.

We usually don't question them unless we come to a crossroads, perhaps where the beliefs that we have are bumping up against something that we want. That's usually when the questioning begins. This can feel really uncomfortable because if you believed in something, a concept, or an idea and all of a sudden you're questioning it, it can be really confronting.

Beliefs create stability for us, they form our foundation. Your beliefs have been planted over time right from the minute you entered this world, planted...not vicariously but they're planted, sometimes unconsciously by your environment or the early models you had in your life. As humans, we adapt. If you want to be part of the club you have to assimilate and that's useful for sure. This is not about throwing all your beliefs out the window rather, start noticing which are the ones that aren't useful when you're embarking on something new. Growth and change are going to rattle those beliefs sometimes and that's the time to ask yourself: Is this belief still useful for me? Listen to the whisper.

For example, if your belief is that it's your job to "keep the peace", then "rocking the boat" for your growth is going to feel super uncomfortable.

What can help here?

Find the benefit.

There's always a benefit to doing something over time. 

In this instance? There probably was a time when, due to the circumstances, you thought it was your job to keep everyone happy at home. This automatically spilled over to your friendships, romantic relationships, work, etc.  The benefit to you? You were accepted because you were easy to be around. You did whatever it took to make things smooth and easy for everyone else. Ultimately you received the approval that we as human beings seek and desire because of our tribal feeling of needing to belong.

At what cost?

Oh, there's a cost.

Keeping the peace means you're never fully being yourself. You're always on guard, watching for the reaction of others and ignoring your own needs, and boundaries? Ummm...nil. Not even on the radar screen for you. This belief created a certain behaviour over time.  The lines got really blurry about whose job was whose. Peacekeeping.  If your belief is that your job is to 'keep the peace' the question you might want to ask yourself is "Whose peace am I keeping"?

Are you ready?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

If you're wondering how this relates to growing a skill, let's keep on pulling that thread of the belief that you have to keep the peace. 

Keeping the peace means you're less likely to ask the tough questions because "rocking the boat" may be controversial. However, when you're learning a new skill it's necessary to get curious and ask questions and want to know more and maybe push some boundaries. Poke at what you're being taught.
If you're too concerned with keeping the peace it's going to get in the way of you growing that new skill.

If keeping the peace doesn't resonate for you then insert your own current belief that you're bumping up against and get curious about it.  Dig deep. Beliefs don't have to be carved in stone, you're growing and learning all of the time. Find the benefits then notice the costs. Is it still worth holding on to?

When a belief becomes a roadblock to your desired growth, maybe it's time to let it go.

I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me  Let's play a bit in the muck!

Warmly,
Ann

Time to dig deep…let’s talk beliefs…

And the toughest judge is...YOU!

How are you doing with letting go? This is so tricky to master and when you do, so liberating. 

A couple of weeks* ago we looked at four things that can stand in the way of you growing a new skill.  Things that you need to let go of in order to move forward.  Turns out that letting go is a skill all by itself!

These are the things that came up.

• Judgement

• Expectations

• Beliefs

• Impatience

After I did my little informal survey l received a couple of messages about the other strong culprit that you can have a hard time letting go of.  Drum roll please... judgement ooh, so relatable that I wanted to give this some air time too. Judgement and unrealistic expectations are so closely intertwined.

Judgement.

Worrying about what others may be thinking about you and what you're up to. Putting too much importance on what others think is natural, as humans we like our tribe and we want to stay connected to them. It's part of our DNA.

In long-ago times, what your tribe thought about you and what you were up to was critical to your survival. If you were ousted, it meant certain death, probably via sabre-tooth tiger. Yikes! That's no longer true at all and yet it can still feel that way. Hence the reason we put so much weight on what others may be thinking about what we're doing.

Worrying too much about others' opinions, essentially seeking the approval of others, can lead to self-doubt. Who has time for that!!?  Especially considering that others are doing the same thing you're doing. They're worried about you judging them too! So they're not particularly paying attention to where you're at at all. Seriously.

But what's the harshest judgement you'll probably come up against? Yours.  

You're biased. You're too close to your situation and you probably have unrealistic expectations and maybe some old beliefs that aren't true anymore.


As a reminder, realistic expectations happen when:

• You start with a plan.

• You start where YOU are.

• You ask for help.

• You take time to look back and reflect on your progress.

All of those elements help manage expectations and you know what else they're going to do? They're going to help you with the judgement that comes up because when your expectations are more realistic, your judgement can decrease.



Are you ready?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

How do you let go of your judgement when you're learning a new skill?

• Let's talk about self-judgement.

  • Most people are harder on themselves than anyone else ever would be. Next time you're coming down on yourself for not being as far along as you think you should be, try this: Imagine that you have a really good friend going through the same situation. What would you say to them? 

• Reflection.

  • As with expectations, it's important to reflect as you go along and check in. If you notice you're starting to say "I shoulda, woulda, coulda." Stop. Ask yourself. Am I being realistic?

• When it comes to judgement, instead of beating yourself up, ask for feedback.

  •  Ask someone who's been there but is just a few steps ahead of you to give you feedback. Be careful who you ask.  Remember that your friends aren't always your truth-tellers and your truth-tellers aren't always your friends. This is where a trusted mentor can be really useful.

• Normalize self-compassion and patience.

  • Have a realistic benchmark. Social media exaggerates progress and achievement. That's not the real world. Find somebody who you can model who's doing what you're aspiring to do and connect with them.

Remember that discomfort comes with newness. It's part of the learning process. You've got this!

I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me  Let's play a bit in the muck!

Warmly,
Ann

And the toughest judge is…You!