Why does self-doubt feel so icky?

Imagine this: You're in a meeting, checking on references for someone you're considering hiring. You ask a question and the person in front of you slightly furrows one eyebrow. It's so slight that if you weren't paying attention, you might have missed it. But you didn't and the response you have is visceral. 

What do you do?

True story. What did I do?  I inwardly scolded myself, thinking there must be something wrong with me, and continued with the interview.  Suffice it to say I "unknowingly" signed up for a roller coaster ride that ended up with a resignation and a whole lot of learning.

Fast forward many years...   What would I have done then if I knew what I know now? I would have paused and asked for more information. Tell me more...

That's what self-doubt can do. It causes you to doubt your instincts, the feeling that you get in your heart or gut that you can't explain so you push it down. You doubt it and ultimately, yourself.

Why does self-doubt feel so icky?

Probably because the one person you should be able to trust is yourself.  Read that again.


How does self-doubt show up?

Often as fear.

Fear of what? Being ostracized from your tribe. Whether it's your family, friends, work colleagues, or any other "tribe" you may be a part of, separation from your tribe can feel scary. It's years of biology and also years of behaving as if your body is holding up your head and has no other useful information.  So you quickly learn that those feelings you may get are not to be trusted until you eventually, stop feeling them at all.

Now THAT'S scary. 

So what are you to do?  How do you get self-doubt out of the driver’s seat and hand confidence the wheel?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

Get in the habit of noticing when you're doubting yourself. That's step one. When you find yourself doubting yourself, no matter what the situation may be: 

Acknowledge it, then ask yourself:

• What fear is getting in my way?

  • Know that fear is typically at the root of self-doubt. Fear of rejection, getting it wrong, disappointing someone or yourself. Pay attention. 

• Am I comparing my insides with someone else's outside?  

  • Think about it.  Everyone feels self-doubt at some time, some hide it better than others so don't assume that you're the only one!

• What do I feel is really the right thing to do/say or be?

  • Tune in to your body. Know that the answer might not come up the first time you ask it and, it's a question well worth asking as a practice.

You have so much intelligence in your heart and gut.  The problem is that you may not even realize it, that's what continued self-doubt does. The good news? When you start to pay attention, those nudges will get louder...that's where the gold is. Learning to trust them and be willing to let them guide you.

Self-doubt will start to diminish when you start to pause and listen to the actual feelings you get in your body.  When you take time to listen to yourself, and your inner wisdom, you're going to notice a change in how you feel about yourself and your confidence will grow. 

If you're ready to start growing your confidence Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Warmly,
Ann

Why does self-doubt feel so icky?

Selfcare, selfish? Bull Sh*t!

Self-care, selfish? Is this still a thing?

Hope not. It's time to stop glorifying busyness as something to aspire to, especially if that's the excuse for not practicing some sort of self-care. There's no gold star waiting for you when you don't take time for yourself. 

The reason it's called "self-care"...you have to own and manage it.

What does this have to do with growing your confidence? Plenty.

It's been said that self-care can:

• improve your physical health

• reduce stress and anxiety

• promote self-awareness

• increase resilience

All things that, in the long run, can boost your confidence!

When you put your own health and happiness first, you're able to bring the best out in others too. Kind of like putting your oxygen mask on first.  When you're feeling cared for, you're more likely to feel better and when you feel better, you are far more likely to feel confident.

Although self-care is not one-size-fits-all,  when I checked in with some of my connections, family, and friends, the common denominator seemed to be listening to and respecting the messages your body gives you.  We live in a society that values what people think, yet there's infinite intelligence and 'knowing' within your own skin if you get quiet and pay attention to it.

No matter how you define self-care it's ultimately noticing how you show up when you make sure that you're doing something that nurtures you. Maybe you feel lighter, or you stand a little taller, feel a bit more peaceful, or carry yourself differently...feeling better will automatically help you to feel more confident

Do you know what else is cool? When you take care of yourself, you are also benefiting others!

Want to incorporate more self-care into your life?


Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Commit to one act of self-care daily.  If this seems daunting, here are some suggestions from a small, unscientific survey on self-care that I did:

• Listen to your body. Your body has so much intelligence if you learn to listen to the whispers it gives you:

  • Rest when it tells you to. Take a nap. Go to bed early.

  • Move when it tells you to. Hike, walk, do yoga, work out - whatever your body asks for - pay attention.

  • Nurture your body. Get a massage, physio, have a bubble bath, or a manicure.

• Savour some solitude.

  • Find a quiet space with a good book and read for the sheer pleasure of it.

  • Meditate.

  • Sit in nature.

• Connect.

  • First and foremost, connect with yourself.

  • Connect with those who are important to you, go for a coffee, have dinner together, or use the many forms of technology available.

  • With your universe, God, source, spirit guide, or whatever resonates for you.

• Your turn...

  • Take a moment now to think of something you currently do or maybe something you've been meaning to do as an act of self-care. How often are you doing it?

Self-care starts with YOU!  When you take time to nurture yourself, whatever that may mean for you, you're going to notice a change in how you feel about yourself and your confidence will grow. 

If you're ready to start growing your confidence Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Warmly,
Ann

Self-care…selfish? Bull Sh*t!

What's love got to do with growing your confidence?

More than you think. 

How's your inner dialogue? What do you focus on?  The negative or the positive?  Apparently, it's in our DNA to go to a negative bias first - in order for our ancestors to survive they had to imagine the worst-case scenario all of the time.  This is what kept them alive. There's not too much out there that you have to worry about when it comes to survival these days. Unfortunately, our brains have not evolved to match our reality. 

So what are you supposed to do, especially when you're working on building your confidence?  Probably the first place to check in with is inside your own head. Yep, your own inner dialogue.  How do you speak to yourself?  Like a good and trusted friend who loves you, or your worst critic? Even your critics can acknowledge your strengths...

What about those voices (don't tell me you only have one!) in your head? Maybe check in and listen. Everyone has a team up in their head.  I particularly like the term I've heard "itty bitty shitty committee"...it's funny and yet so true, those voices can be pretty distracting and disruptive. They often like to tell you stories that quite simply, aren't true. Liars and yet they can sound quite convincing at times.

Your inner dialogue is going to be projected everywhere. Think about that. You may think it's only in your head, but the way you think spills into everything you do. It's inevitable.

The things you say to yourself may have been useful once upon a time - ask yourself now. Are they still true?


What you focus on grows...

So how can you change that dialogue when it's not working for you?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

When your self-talk is not optimal, start with a pause, take a breath, and then consider the following:

• Use positive and affirming language when talking to yourself.

  • Noticing that it's not positive? That's the first step. Notice.

• Reframe negative thoughts into positive ones.

  • This doesn't mean everything is puppies and sunshine, it means checking in with your default and being curious about it.

• Acknowledge and accept your emotions, rather than criticizing yourself for having them.

  • You are human after all.  All humans are emotional beings. Some just hide it better than others.

• Challenge negative self-talk by asking for proof.

  • When it comes up, ask yourself: Is this really true? 

• Surround yourself with reminders of your strengths and successes.

  • Maybe have a screen saver on your phone that reminds you of your strengths.

Self-love starts with how you speak to yourself.  As you practice more positive self-talk, your outside world will follow suit.  You will start to notice a change in how you feel about yourself and your confidence will grow. 

Like starting any new practice - it's going to take time, baby steps.

When you're ready to change your inner dialogue Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Warmly,
Ann

What’s love got to do with growing your confidence?

It's not you...it's your habits...

Happy End of January! It's been a long one.

Did you know that by the 32nd day of the year, ~80% of people who make "New Year's resolutions" have given up on them?

Maybe you're one of them?

If so, don't be so hard on yourself, you're clearly not alone

Why do so many people give up on their resolutions?  There are probably a multitude of reasons and what may be the most powerful is, your current habits.

The things you do on autopilot without giving them a thought. Those things.  All habits or behaviours serve a purpose for you which is why it can be so difficult to make a change.

Your brain in particular is a fan of habits.  While you do things automatically, it's quite happy to go along and do it's job of keeping you alive.  It's not interested in the least in you making any changes.  Hence...the difficulties you can face when you want to make changes...even if they're for very good reasons.  Your brain is going to make it difficult for you. 

Difficult? Yes.  Impossible? No. 

Have you already given up on your "resolution"? Or, maybe you don't make resolutions, but you've had a time in the past where you've stopped pursuing something because it felt like an uphill battle? There's hope for you. 

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Habits are strong. You have to find the benefit of doing what you're currently doing, or not doing (that you say you want to do).  There's always a benefit. Humans don't do something repeatedly without a benefit.

• Let's say that the habit that's getting in the way of doing what you say you want to do is procrastination. 

• Ask yourself:
  

  • What are the benefits of procrastination?  Yes...there are benefits. Maybe you get a break, or you can avoid doing something.  Or, you get time to think. There's something there for sure.

• Now ask yourself:
  

  • How else could I get these benefits? 

  • See what comes up for you. Maybe it's about scheduling in regular breaks in your day.

Take an example of your own and do the exercise above.

Once you are able to identify the benefit of the habit or behaviour that's getting in your way, you can begin to think about what else you could do that would be a more useful way for you to get the same benefit.  This, in and of itself, will make your pursuit of that change you want to make so much easier.

What else may be getting in your way?

• What's your "why" for this resolution or goal?

  • Make sure it's yours. Not something someone else thinks you should want. Your "why"  is what will pull you forward. You need to remember why you wanted to make that change in the first place.

• How are you framing it? It matters. For example:

  • Instead of saying you want less stress, ask yourself: What do I want more of? What do I want instead?

• You don't have a strategy in place for when things get difficult:

  • It could be as simple as saying: If xxx happens, then I will do yyy - and practicing it so you're ready when the time comes.

Be consistent. Be persistent. The key to success is in taking small steps daily.

If you're ready to give it another shot Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Warmly,
Ann

It’s not you…it’s your habits

Feeling meh? You’re not alone…

Meh...

I had a full blog post ready to go for this week and then I remembered a conversation I had with a new connection of mine, Mikayla Stechnicki*, who happens to be an expert in digital communications (and an all around great young woman), and her feedback - be authentic, be you. 

Those of you who now me well, know that I am an optimistic person for sure, and today, I'm just feeling "meh".  Probably one grey day too many.  

How about you?  How are you coping with what seems to be a very loonng and grey January? 

You're not alone. 

Here's what I'm learning:

• By acknowledging and feeling the crappy feelings I can actually do something about them.**

• The acknowledgement actually helps me to make a plan for how I want to move forward.

• Other people appreciate being seen - no one feels 100% great all of the time and me sharing my experience may be just the thing that someone else needs to hear.

• Being more human and vulnerable is where I want to head.

How about you?  How are you doing? Please know that you can Contact me anytime for a chat.

In the meantime....

Let's get to it...

Your challenge this week...

When you get "one of those days" (we ALL do!), here are some things that I've found work for me.  Maybe one or two of them will resonate for you.  I encourage you to Contact me with any tips you may have!

• Acknowledge how you're feeling.

  • Rather than avoiding those yucky feelings, actually say out loud "I'm having a shitty day", or whatever you would say.

• Ask yourself, "what do I need right now"?

  • Let whatever comes up for you be the thing.  It could be a conversation with someone; some time alone, or maybe a nice cup of tea.  You do you.

• Do something nice for someone else.

  • This is one of my personal favourites - sending a text to someone you haven't seen in a while actually will make you feel good. It's science, the hit of dopamine you get from sending it and then, receiving the response.

• Get moving!

  • I honestly cannot highlight this one enough!  Put some music on that you like and dance, or get outside for a walk. Tell yourself you'll do five minutes and I can pretty much guarantee, you'll do more.

So what does this have to do with the coaching I do?  When you're confident, you don't let fear stop you from being you!

Here's to more sunshine in the coming days!

Warmly,
Ann

If you're feeling meh  Contact me  Let's catch up!

*Founder & Lead Consultant at Explore Digital https://exploredigitalcommunications.ca/

**if it's not, reach out to your health care professional.

Feeling meh? You’re not alone…

Remember YOLO?

Remember late 2011, early 2012?   Drake's*  song "The Motto"  came out with the reference to "You Only Live Once" (YOLO), and it became part of the vernacular of youth and beyond. It's not that the acronym didn't exist prior to that, it's just that this song catapulted it to the forefront. 

You Only Live Once...YOLO

The gist? An attitude of "life's short so, why not"?  Take chances, say yes, don't overthink it. Just go for it.  

There's definitely a place for this, and yet, there's another way to look at it as well...

What if you think of YOLO as a decision to make a commitment to something long term?  Making a plan for something you want, and sticking to it rather than the "fear of missing out" attitude typically associated with YOLO.

Maybe you've been wanting to do something. It's big and you're waiting because  of...whatever excuse you've created.  It's still January, a New Year, setting goals and making plans.  What if, this year, you made a decision to commit to something you've been wanting for a long time?  Maybe you've  been wanting to start a new career;  turn that side hustle into your full time gig; write a book; be in the best health of your life etc.

Think about it...these are YOLO things too.

The difference? They're going to require making a choice to commit to a decision and a long term plan, rather than getting instant gratification. Time has a funny way of ticking away regardless of the action you do, or don't take. Take that in.  "Waiting until" creates only one thing down the road, the likelihood that you won't do "it" and ultimately - regret.  Don't take my word for it, Daniel Pink** wrote an entire book about regrets.  Suffice it to say that people regret what they don't do, not taking a chance and potentially failing at something they want to do.

With this in mind, what's the thing you've been holding off on? YOLO after all...


Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Take some time to think about the big thing that you've been wanting. You know what it is.  It's that thing that's never far from your thoughts.

With YOLO in mind:

• Make the decision. 

  • Go, or no go?

  • Really think about it.

• No go?

  • Double check. Are you sure?

  • If so, let it go.

• Go?

  • Then start to work on a plan to make it happen.

  •  Choose one step to get started. It could be declaring your intention to someone you trust.

• Look ahead to New Year's Eve 2023.

  • No, really, take a minute to do this.

  • Look back and see all of the progress you've made by committing to a decision, and taking action.

YOLO. As far as I know, this is true.  What do you want to look back on? Regrets, or the satisfaction of knowing you took a chance, whether it worked out or not? At least you'll know.

If you're ready to take your first step Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Warmly,
Ann

Remember YOLO?

Could you use an epiphany?

It's early in January...apparently a good time for an epiphany...

What's an epiphany anyway?

• It's typically a moment in life when things change, often in a heartbeat and nothing's ever the same again.

• It usually comes from an observation from outside of you or your regular circle. That moment when someone says something that lands with you in a way that changes your previous thinking about a situation.

• It could be a result of an “oh shit” moment, a moment that blindsides you and changes everything.

• It's a swift insight that all of a sudden, provides clarity.

• Once you have one...everything changes. 

An AHA moment.

An epiphany or “wake up” call doesn’t sneak up on you, it's a whoosh…and all of a sudden, things will never be the same. It's that kind of experience, a moment that can knock the wind out of you and leave you breathless. It can also be the moment that propels you to the next amazing chapter in your life. Regardless, it's a “call to action". Now what?

Want to plan your own epiphany?


Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

Here's a cool exercise* to do for a situation where you’re feeling frustrated or discouraged, a situation where a different perspective is exactly what you need.  Maybe read through first and then take it step by step.  No pen or paper required, just a willingness to use your imagination.

Think about the situation you're in where you're feeling frustrated or discouraged.

• Now think of a person who challenges you - whatever that means for you.

  • Trust who comes to mind.  Now, imagine what their perspective on this situation you're in might be. Take your time.

• Now think of a person you respect (they don't have to be alive).

  • Trust who came to mind, that brain doesn't give you random stuff. Imagine what this person's perspective might be on the situation you're in.

• Now think of someone who loves you. 

  • What might be this person's perspective on your frustrating or discouraging situation?

• Finally, think of that situation again and notice: What's different now that you have this new perspective? 

  • Sometimes the "Aha" isn't huge, it's simply a new viewpoint that you didn't have before. 

  • How does your situation feel less frustrating or discouraging when you add this information?

Could you use an epiphany? Contact me  

Warmly,
Ann

Could you use an epiphany? Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

*Exercise from NLP Canada Training

Could you use an epiphnay?

The time will come when the time has come...

Happy New Year!

The perfect time for new beginnings...or is it?  There's research that starting new things is not just reserved for a New Year, though it is traditionally the most compelling time to make a change.

Not feeling it? Cool.  Wait until next Monday, or the first day of next month, or first thing in the morning...it's all about firsts, beginnings.

Regardless, the time is going to come when, the time has come. Whatever that means for you.  Maybe, you know exactly what this means and, you've been waiting. 

You can relax. You're normal.

When you're ready to make a change, fear and self-doubt will often creep in.  It's not your fault,  it's normal. Your brain has one job to do: keep you alive. That's it. That's why anytime you want to make a change, even for good reasons, it freaks out. You making a change means that it has to work harder to keep you safe, and, well, it's lazy. It likes to put everything you do on autopilot so it can conserve energy to scan for danger.  

Although this autopilot kept our ancestors alive, the things you want to do are probably not going to put you in danger. That's unless fear of failure, embarrassment, or being a beginner again qualify here. And face it, your brain actually treats them that way, even though it's completely untrue. 

What if you did capitalize on the energy of a New Year to fuel your fire to start that thing you’ve been putting off?


Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Whether it's now, next week, or next month...take some time to think about that thing you want. You know, the thing you're putting on the back burner until "when". It's probably at the forefront of your thoughts all of the time. It will continue to get louder as time moves along. What you avoid will continue to pop up. Maybe it's time to give it the consideration it deserves?

Find a quiet space where you won't be disturbed. Then, ask yourself the following questions and take the time to explore what comes up for you (as always, I encourage you to actually write the answers on a piece of paper):

• Is this really something that you want to do/have or be?

  • Sometimes you can put something off and then realize that you don't actually want it, OR, this may give you the clarity to realize that YES, you do want it. 

• What story is holding you back?

  • Pay attention. The "story" is often rooted in fear...

• Fast forward five years.

  • What do you want to look back on? Regrets or action?

• The time will pass anyway.

  • Fact. Knowing this, what's the first step you'll take to move towards that thing that you want?

You can think about what you want, talk about what you want, dream about what you want, but until you take action, it will remain a thought.

Warmly,
Ann

If you're ready to take the first step Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

The time will come when the time has come…then what?

It's tradition...before you move on to 2023...

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." Semisonic

Simple, yet such a powerful way to sum up how life goes. Sometimes in order to move on, you have to leave something behind.

It's almost New Year's Eve and the countdown is on... 

This is a great time of year to reflect: Say goodbye to things that are no longer useful; recognize things to hang on to; and, to welcome new possibilities. 

New beginnings, cleaning the slate, starting over...just a few of the ways some people refer to a New Year. While cleaning the slate and starting fresh may sound appealing, there may be a few things you want to hang on to. 

Here’s a quick practice, it doesn't take a lot of time and, you may be surprised by what pops up for you. The key here is to let what bubbles up be the answer, no second guessing... trust your brain! Then get curious after.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

You're definitely going to want to grab a piece of paper and something to write with...

Your challenge for the next couple of days? Take some time to explore these questions:

What am I ready to leave behind?

What better time than the end of a year to ask yourself this question? You carry so many things with you year over year, maybe it's time to leave behind the things that are keeping you stuck, or holding you back. Perhaps its a relationship you've outgrown, a habit or feeling that you’re done with, an attitude, or even a tangible "thing"? Just notice what comes to mind for you.

What do I want to keep?

While setting new goals is always exciting, it's important to remember some of the stuff that you already have that's pretty great. Stuff you want to keep. Relationships, health, friendships, work, useful practices that you do etc. Or maybe something new that you started this year that you want to carry forward? 

What do I want to add or have more of in 2023?

While "adding" always sounds good, you may already have some things in your life that you just want more of - family and friend time, me time...you get the idea here. Maybe you want to start a new thing? Perhaps it's about having more choices in a current situation. Whatever surfaces for you, take note.

What have I put on hold that I am now ready to look at?

There’s no perfect time to do that thing you want to do. What if you considered taking one step towards it now? The time will pass whether you do or don’t.

...and maybe most useful?

What have I discovered about myself this year?

Every year brings an opportunity for growth. What new hobby did you start? What forgotten part of you have you reconnected with? Spend some time pondering "what did I discover about myself?". Amidst the day to day things that you do, what have you discovered about you?

Now, take a moment, breathe. Notice what you’re feeling right now. Maybe you feel proud when you see how the year unfolded. Maybe you've found a gap that you'd like to address. Food for thought.

No matter what surfaced for you, you now have some information you didn’t have before. You get to decide whether you do something with it or not. Something for you to mull over in the coming days. That's the point - to get you thinking.

Wishing you a Happy New Year and Happy New Beginnings!

Warmly,
Ann

If you are looking for someone to help you get clarity on your “new beginning” Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

It’s tradition…before you move on to 2023…

Tis the season...

…to set boundaries!

Feeling stressed?

Not surprising at all. Look at your calendar! This is probably one of the most stressful times of the year. Whether you celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza or nothing at all…the end of the year can create a tremendous amount of pressure. Finishing up last minute preparations or, perhaps, completion of those end of year work goals.

Wrapping things up, literally and figuratively.

Remember "Goldilocks"? She knew when the porridge, the bed, and the chair were just right. Not too hot, too soft, not too...you get the picture…

Stress can be like that: Too much and your circuits can get overwhelmed; too little and you have no oomph to get things done.  What do you need? Just the right amount to give you the energy to show up as your best self, no matter what this busy time of year throws at you.

It's possible. 

There's definitely something about a little bit of healthy stress - that boost of adrenalin - that can make you feel motivated and energetic and ready to get that thing done.

But...how do you put in place some healthy boundaries to ensure that your circuits aren't getting overloaded? 

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next COUPLE of weeks...

Here are some suggestions for managing your resources over the next couple of weeks. Resources can be many things: tangible things like money, or things like your time and energy.

• Tangible things:

  • Ask yourself: When January comes and it's time to "pay up" will I regret this decision to spend my money on this?

• Time:  
  

  • Ask yourself : Do I have the time to do this thing? Time is finite. We only get so much of it. If you're taking on something "extra", maybe ask yourself: What do I need to let go of in order to do this?

• Energy:

  • This is a tiring time of year. Extra requests are being made of you on top of your already busy schedule. In addition to time, your energy can take a hit. When you get asked to do that thing, ask yourself: Is this what I really want to spend my energy on?

• Selfcare:

  • Probably the most important element in managing over the next few weeks. Taking time each day to do something for yourself. A quick walk, a few minutes of breathing, throwing on a song you like and dancing. Having a chat with someone you love. Whatever works for you. And, a friendly reminder that, NO is a complete sentence.  You don't have to make excuses for taking care of yourself.

Ready to set some healthy boundaries? Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

I'm going to take my own advice. Unless I am inspired to do so, there will be no blog next week.  I plan on managing my resources and spending my time and energy on the people and things I love.

If I haven't told you already - I'm so grateful that you take the time to read this blog.

Happy Holidays!

Stay safe and well.

Warmly,

Ann

Tis the season….to set boundaries…