Ready. Set. Go! Who you kidding...

So you've decided you're going to do"it". Whatever it is you keep saying that you're going to do.

Then, this happens: the hesitation and the excuses, all very reasonable sounding for sure. You're going to do that thing you've been wanting to do forever and suddenly you decide that:

• You need just one more opinion.

• You need the guarantee of certainty you're looking for.

• You're gonna take just one more course because then you'll be ready for real this time.

• The weather gets better, you lose a couple of pounds ...Blah. Blah. Blah.

It's just like a plan. Right? Hmmm.

Here's the truth of the matter, you're never going to feel completely ready. These are just distractions that are delaying you from doing the thing you say you want to do.

Just so you know:

• The number one opinion that matters... is yours.

• Certainty doesn't exist (except paying taxes and yes, you will eventually die).

• One more course will just open up one more excuse.

• Whatever your...blah blah blah is...another delay tactic

The idea that there's a perfect time out there just isn't true. You're never going to feel confident enough, competent enough, prepared enough...whatever your "enough" is. 


So how do you go about getting started?

Are you ready?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…


Imagine that you took a step towards your thing today. Just one.

Now take a deep breath and exhale. Picture five years from now and ask the future version of yourself the following questions (use a pen and paper if you'd like):

• Was it worth the risk?

  • Sometimes the biggest risk is not taking a risk. 

• What did it cost you?

  • Remember that cost isn't just money. It's also the other "costs" involved: Your energy, time, effort, and some of the things you couldn't do in order to do this thing.

• What's the biggest regret you have?

  • Typically, you regret the things you didn't do. Not the chances you took.

• What was the biggest hurdle you overcame?

  • Some of the hurdles may have been fear or self-doubt.

What's different now when you reflect on that thing you want to do?

Just so you know. No one has it all figured out. No One.  Realize that you are never going to have everything figured out and that's okay. You have enough and know enough to take the first step to get started.  Really.

If you're ready to take your first step Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Warmly,
Ann

Ready. Set. Go! Who you kidding…

Two steps forward...three steps back...

Holy moly!  Change is hard!

So you're trying something new, looking at building a skill, or seeking some sort of change? Bravo!

Today I want to give a shout-out to all of you doing the work. The stuff to show up better in this world, to address the things in and around you that you want to be different. This stuff is hard. Change, building competence and confidence, saying no to something so you can say yes to something else. All of it.

No matter what change or skill you're looking to make or build...I feel you.

There will never be a "perfect' path.

How about you stop, take a look back, and see far you've come? Impressive I bet. This is something you can sometimes forget to do, reflect on the small changes you've been making. There will never be a "perfect" path. Aim for progression, not perfection.

Recently I've been on my own journey of change and it's given me such an appreciation for all of you out there.

This change stuff is work. Until you do something enough times, your tendency to revert to old ways is going to be incredibly powerful.  It brings a feeling of safety and comfort even if it's no longer useful for you.

That's why when you're looking to do something different...understanding your default settings is useful.  This is your baseline, the default you are working from, and quite honestly, against. And, sadly, you will most likely return to it. Unless...you do the work.

Are you ready?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

Your desire for change and growth is going to challenge your default behaviours. If you want to change them, here's some perspective for you:

Start by picking one particular thing you're working towards right now, it could be a skill you want to learn or something you want to start or stop doing.  As always, choose something small to practice with.

• Acknowledge:

  • Nothing changes until you know what it is that you want to change and why this change matters to you. Be specific.

• Make a plan:

  • Once you acknowledge the behaviour and why it's the default, you can create a plan to change it. The plan may include specific small steps you will take, as well as strategies for overcoming obstacles and setbacks.

• Practice:

  • Changing a default behaviour takes time and effort. There may be setbacks along the way...this is normal. Don't give up! Remember to celebrate your progress and successes, no matter how small they may seem.  

• Give yourself some grace:

"Two steps forward, one step back...
Remember...
Be kind.
Be Patient.
Be consistent."**

If you're ready to make a change Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Warmly,
Ann

Did you miss my last blog? They're always available on my website www.steppingstonecoaching.ca

Contact me to start taking a step towards building your confidence.  You've got this.

**quote from my first book The Wisdom of the Sticky Note

Three steps forward…two steps back…Holy Moly, change is hard!

Ready to grow something? Be specific.

So you're ready to grow? Excellent!

In order to "grow",  you need to be clear on exactly what it is that you're going to grow. You wouldn't plant a tomato seed and expect a rose to grow, would you?

You also have to have just enough courage to get started and of course, take action.  

Ready?

Get Clear!

… would you call a taxi, jump in and say “don’t take me to the airport”?  Sounds ludicrous, doesn’t it? Yet knowing what you don’t want or want to avoid is often more clear than what you actually want…

It's not your fault. You can blame it on your brain's natural tendency to have a negative bias. In order to keep you safe, it's going to focus on what you want to avoid rather than what you want.  That brain of yours is so impractical at times! 

For example: When it comes to growing your confidence it might sound like this:

You don't want to look unprepared so you're attention is likely to be focused on your perceived weaknesses and what you don't know. Not very useful.

If you're focusing on "not looking unprepared" then you're walking into the situation, without any idea of how you actually want to show up, or what a successful outcome looks like. If you don’t know what your desired outcome is, how will you stand a chance of getting it?

The difference between people who tend to get what they want and everyone else? They don't leave things to chance. They get really clear on their intention for any situation and they prepare for it. 

Let's practice. Pick one of the following...making your coffee, tea, or smoothie. Or something you've done before. Keep it super simple.


Get Confident!

We're going to practice with something you already know how to do with confidence. Let's say you’ve decided what you want…the coffee, tea, or smoothie. Great! Now what?

It takes practice to grow your confidence.

The fact is, you already have all the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need to show up with confidence. Really! You’ve just lost touch with them. 

So how do you start to reconnect with them? We're going to practice with something you already know how to do with confidence. Start by thinking of that coffee/tea or smoothie that you've decided you want. 

For each step, pause, close your eyes and picture yourself doing it:

• Imagine you've already made that coffee, tea, or smoothie. Notice where you are when you're enjoying it. Imagine that first sip.

• Now, closing your eyes again, step back and picture the behaviours you did to prepare that drink.

• Ask yourself - what skills or capabilities did I use to make that beverage?

• What did you have to believe about yourself to make it happen? 

• Pick one word that would describe your identity as you did this thing.  Maybe finish the sentence "I am a person who..." (makes amazing coffee!)

This is a form of mental rehearsal...just like professional athletes do, and it's one of the most powerful tools for practicing and growing your confidence. If you’re able to imagine the situation you're heading into happening and walk through it, it feels like it’s already done. Your brain doesn’t know the difference! https://www.breakthroughbasketball.com/mental/visualization.html This is the key to start/continue growing your confidence. It's a practice.

Get Going!

Now that you’re really clear about what you want and how you want to show up, it’s time to take some action.

In your example? Maybe you're getting your favourite coffee beans ready to grind or putting on your kettle to brew some tea. Start there.

Remember that at one time, this wasn't something you did automatically. It took repetition. Doing. Confidence is like that too. Repetition. Doing things when you don't know every step.

Ready to try this on something new?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

Now that you've practiced with something you're already confident in, it's time to use a new situation.  For learning purposes, keep it small. 

• You've got that thing picked...right!?

  • Be specific.

• Practice the mental rehearsal exercise above.

  • Take it one step at a time and really imagine each step happening.  

• Take a small, courageous step.

• Then repeat. Often.

  • Notice what changes. Because...change will happen.

By getting clear on what you want, doing the preparation, and taking action, you will grow your confidence. Simple? Yes. Easy? It’s a practice.

When you practice you’ll start to make shifts that grow your confidence and over time… it just may transform you and your life!

When you're ready to start growing your confidence Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Warmly,
Ann

Ready to grow something? Be specific.

What's your default setting?

Time for a reboot?

You've probably purchased a computer or cell phone before.  You take it out of the box, put it together, and hit the "on" button. Tada! Ready to go. Or, is it?  Chances are, you went through all of the default settings and did a little assessment. Keep, discard, or upgrade.  You decided which factory settings were for you and which weren't and some things were unchangeable 'defaults', you had to accept them.

As much as possible, you customized for the experience YOU wanted to have. You made it your own.

You came into this world much the same way. Your natural "defaults' or 'factory settings'... were mostly set by your parents to start with and then, along the way, other influencers in your life. All well and good, right? If yes...read no further.  If not...

Think about some of the defaults, maybe these resonate: seeking to be in control; people-pleasing; being the caregiver; seeking approval - mostly ones that, although challenging, can be changed. Then there are the ones that are just a part of being human - like your negativity bias - a bit more tricky. Or, there is a myriad of other factory settings that you uniquely received. Mostly things that were essential to your initial survival. Things that probably made you feel safe because that's what you knew.

That was then. This is now.

The cool thing?  You have more control over all of those "default" settings than you might think.

Although you may not have selected them, that doesn't mean you can't change them. It's never too late, or too early for that matter, to reboot the system and assess.

What exactly might you want to upgrade if you're looking at building or reconnecting with your confidence?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

Notice your default settings, and then decide which ones you want to keep, upgrade or reboot in service of building your confidence.

• Your brain has a natural negative bias:

  • You will tend to remember the things that went wrong more readily than those that went right...not great for building your confidence. Write down your achievements and strengths.

• Identify your limiting beliefs:

  • Truthfully, all beliefs are limiting...that's their job. Perhaps look for things you believe may be holding you back from feeling more confident. Maybe start with any negative self-talk and challenge yourself to find evidence to the contrary.

• Identify one particular source of your lack of confidence:

  • Take some time to reflect on what might be causing your lack of confidence. Is it a particular situation or relationship? Start with one specific thing. 

• Take action:

  • Noticing what is getting in the way of building your confidence and taking a small step to change situation by situation.  Maybe it's pausing before you listen to someone else's opinion or questioning that voice in your head to make sure it's yours...

Those default ways of thinking and behaving will take time to change. The good thing is, with consistent and persistent action, you can change your mindset and grow your confidence.


If you're ready to start growing your confidence Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Warmly,

Ann

What’s your default setting?

Are you a people pleaser?

Who are you pleasing...your parents, partner, kids, friends, boss, anyone and everyone? Except you. What does this have to do with building your confidence? A whole s**t  ton, that's what.

This confidence thing has so many elements to it. Some, you may have all figured out, and then there are going to be others that sneak up on you and catch you off guard.

What happens when you’re continually pleasing others? How does this help you? How does it hurt you? There's going to be some fallout when you're constantly checking in with others and making others' needs come first. Know what eventually happens? Resentment, blame, and regret, are the things that can come up. When you realize that your habit of pleasing others has left your needs in the dirt.

What if your people-pleasing was just a habit? Something you do on autopilot. The good news here? Habits can be changed. The key is noticing the benefits of having this habit.  Any behaviour that you do on repeat gets you something...a benefit.

Ouch.

Let's say, for example, for you, it's pleasing your parents. What's the benefit? Maybe, that's always been your role "keep everybody happy". Keeping the peace by avoiding confrontation? How's that working for you? 

People pleasing can have a significant impact on your self-confidence.

It can lead to:

• Difficulty setting boundaries:

  • You may struggle to set healthy boundaries because you're prioritizing the needs of others over your own. This can erode self-confidence.

• Loss of self-esteem:

  • Constantly putting other people's needs and desires ahead of your own can leave you feeling like your own feelings and opinions are less important. Over time, this can cause you to lose confidence in your own abilities and judgement.

• Difficulty making decisions:

  • When you're always focused on pleasing others, it can be hard to make decisions that are in your own best interest. This can lead to indecisiveness and self-doubt, which can negatively impact your confidence.

• Lack of assertiveness:

  • People-pleasers may struggle to assert themselves or speak up for their own needs and desires. This can make it difficult to stand up for yourself, which can further chip away at your self-confidence.

What are you to do? How do you stop "people pleasing" and lean into your own needs?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

Pick one particular situation where you know you're falling into the trap of people pleasing.  Take a breath and ask yourself the following (journaling is always a useful tool if you're into that):

• What is it about this particular situation that causes me to put my needs aside?

• What's the benefit for me when I do this?

• What's the cost to me when I do this?

• What would happen if I set a boundary here?

• What is one step I could take right now to start this process?

It starts by practicing focusing on your needs, and, if it's been a while, you may want to start with the questions above. Be gentle with yourself.  With time, you will start to notice that by paying attention to your behaviours and habits you will start to reconnect with your needs. Set some boundaries and remember...boundaries aren't there to keep others out...they're there to help you get your needs met. When your needs are met your confidence will grow.

If you're ready to start growing your confidence Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Warmly,
Ann

Are you a people pleaser? Time to set some boundaries…

Buckle up...it's time for a hard turn...

*Warning contains explicit language

So you're growing your confidence, are you?  How's it going?  There are so many components to this thing called confidence.  From self-love, and self-care to managing self-doubt...it can be a lot.  
 
Here's the next one on the list, buckle up...this one's a big one...

 
Self-Acceptance or Self-Approval

Why does self-approval/acceptance matter so much?

Probably because others' approval can matter too much and that's NOT a good thing!  Depending on your lived experience, this may not resonate with you at all.  However, based on the multiple conversations I've had (mostly with women) and my own personal experience (of course!) this is well worth a read!

Self-approval. Sounds like a no-brainer doesn't it?  Why wouldn't you check in with yourself first to look for approval?  It's complicated...

Depending on how you were raised, with all of the other influences that come with that: cultural, maybe religious, your gender, etc. You may have gotten into the habit of putting what others think about you and the things you're doing ahead of what you think about them! And, you are 100% not alone on this one!

You might be interested to know how this is getting in the way of growing your confidence:

• It can prevent you from believing in yourself and your abilities. 

• You're less likely to set healthy boundaries.

• You're less likely to take risks or try new things because of the fear of failure.

• You tend to be harder on yourself and set unrealistic goals.

Does any one of these resonate for you?  Maybe more than one...

So what are you to do? How do you move forward from this? 
 

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…
 

Check-in with yourself. Are you putting too much weight on what others think about you or the decisions you make, the opinions you have, etc.?

Here's some food for thought to consider the next time you're worried about what others think.  When you stop caring about what others think, here's what can happen:

• Reduces the need for external validation:

  • When you approve of yourself, you rely less on external validation to feel good about yourself.

• Encourages taking risks:

  • When you approve of yourself, you're more likely to take risks and try new things without fear of failure. 

• Improves decision-making:

  • When you approve of yourself, you trust your own judgment and are more confident in your decision-making abilities.

• Enhances assertiveness:

  • When you approve of yourself, you're more likely to assert yourself and speak up for what you believe in. This can help you own your abilities and strengths.

And probably the one that had the most impact on me personally.. in terms of self-approval...(WARNING...explicit language here)

"Once I got a handle on the difference between giving a fuck about something, and giving a fuck about what other people think about what I give a fuck about, it all started falling into place." - The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck - A No F*cks Given Calendar 2022

By practicing self-care, focusing on your strengths, challenging negative self-talk, and setting achievable goals, you can develop a stronger sense of self-approval and, ultimately, build your confidence.

If you're ready to start growing your confidence Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Warmly,

Ann

Buckle up…it’s time for a hard turn!

Tick tock, tick tock...

Why are you putting that thing off?

The time is going to pass anyway…and, here’s the hard truth…you’re never going to feel ready.

Maybe you didn't say it, but...it's pretty common, you may be putting that thing off until you have it exactly figured out: you have the perfect website: the elegant elevator pitch; or whatever excuse you are holding on to.  Those things that you think will bring a sense of confidence so you can step into that thing you want to do.

Here's a little secret...confidence is an ongoing process.

There’s no wand to wave, no YouTube* or TikTok video to watch (although they may help for sure). It's a process. Once you gather the confidence for one thing, another thing comes along and you’re back at the start again. Except, you’re not. When you understand that it’s a process, you can move through it more quickly. It doesn’t mean that it will feel comfortable but it can feel familiar and your brain likes that.

Do you have a process for growing your confidence?  Whether you do or don't, here are some tips for you today...something I like to refer to as "The Confidence Recipe" and, like any recipe, there's room to add, remove or replace to make it suit your taste.

Let's start with the basics and you can take it from there:

Choosing Courage Over Fear.  Any change is scary. Even the changes for very good reasons.  Blame it on your brain and its desire to keep you alive above all other things.  It prefers the status quo...much easier to manage and not practical at all if you want to live a fulfilled life.

Your mindset. It affects everything. Everything. The way you think is habitual. Glass half-full, half-empty, or completely refillable?   It matters and it's possible to change it.

Trust yourself. You have so much wisdom available to you if you'd only stop and pay attention from time to time.  It's typical to default to the logic in your head but paying attention to the wisdom in your body is powerful. 

Practice, fail, learn, repeat....and perhaps the one that gets left out...Forgive. It's not going to be perfect and you have to start somewhere. 

Ready to give it a whirl?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

Think about something that you've been wanting to get going on, doesn't matter how big or small it is.

• Step One.

  • Ask yourself, where's one small opportunity here to choose courage over fear? Simple? Yes. Easy? It's a practice. The practice starts with the smallest of steps.

• Step Two.

  • Checking in with your mindset. This can be a bit of a wake-up call if you've always approached things with the "what's going to go wrong" mindset. It's potentially retraining your brain after years of a negative default.  It IS possible. The first step here? Notice what your current mindset default is. 

• Step Three.

  • Trust Yourself. Get quiet. Listen to YOURSELF. Practice quietening those voices in that head of yours that are all too eager to tell you what you "should" do. You have everything you need in this moment. Just get started.

• Step Four.

  • Practice, fail, learn, repeat....and perhaps the one that gets left out...forgive. Anything that you're doing for the first few times may be a bit bumpy.  Don't let that stop you. Confidence grows with practice.

Check-in with yourself and that thing you want to do.  What's different now when you approach that thing with a process? 

You've got this.

If you're ready to start growing your confidence Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Warmly,
Ann

* https://youtube.com/@anndeluca8060
I just started a YouTube channel!  Feel free to subscribe:)

Tick tock, tick tock…why are you waiting?

Why does self-doubt feel so icky?

Imagine this: You're in a meeting, checking on references for someone you're considering hiring. You ask a question and the person in front of you slightly furrows one eyebrow. It's so slight that if you weren't paying attention, you might have missed it. But you didn't and the response you have is visceral. 

What do you do?

True story. What did I do?  I inwardly scolded myself, thinking there must be something wrong with me, and continued with the interview.  Suffice it to say I "unknowingly" signed up for a roller coaster ride that ended up with a resignation and a whole lot of learning.

Fast forward many years...   What would I have done then if I knew what I know now? I would have paused and asked for more information. Tell me more...

That's what self-doubt can do. It causes you to doubt your instincts, the feeling that you get in your heart or gut that you can't explain so you push it down. You doubt it and ultimately, yourself.

Why does self-doubt feel so icky?

Probably because the one person you should be able to trust is yourself.  Read that again.


How does self-doubt show up?

Often as fear.

Fear of what? Being ostracized from your tribe. Whether it's your family, friends, work colleagues, or any other "tribe" you may be a part of, separation from your tribe can feel scary. It's years of biology and also years of behaving as if your body is holding up your head and has no other useful information.  So you quickly learn that those feelings you may get are not to be trusted until you eventually, stop feeling them at all.

Now THAT'S scary. 

So what are you to do?  How do you get self-doubt out of the driver’s seat and hand confidence the wheel?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

Get in the habit of noticing when you're doubting yourself. That's step one. When you find yourself doubting yourself, no matter what the situation may be: 

Acknowledge it, then ask yourself:

• What fear is getting in my way?

  • Know that fear is typically at the root of self-doubt. Fear of rejection, getting it wrong, disappointing someone or yourself. Pay attention. 

• Am I comparing my insides with someone else's outside?  

  • Think about it.  Everyone feels self-doubt at some time, some hide it better than others so don't assume that you're the only one!

• What do I feel is really the right thing to do/say or be?

  • Tune in to your body. Know that the answer might not come up the first time you ask it and, it's a question well worth asking as a practice.

You have so much intelligence in your heart and gut.  The problem is that you may not even realize it, that's what continued self-doubt does. The good news? When you start to pay attention, those nudges will get louder...that's where the gold is. Learning to trust them and be willing to let them guide you.

Self-doubt will start to diminish when you start to pause and listen to the actual feelings you get in your body.  When you take time to listen to yourself, and your inner wisdom, you're going to notice a change in how you feel about yourself and your confidence will grow. 

If you're ready to start growing your confidence Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Warmly,
Ann

Why does self-doubt feel so icky?

Selfcare, selfish? Bull Sh*t!

Self-care, selfish? Is this still a thing?

Hope not. It's time to stop glorifying busyness as something to aspire to, especially if that's the excuse for not practicing some sort of self-care. There's no gold star waiting for you when you don't take time for yourself. 

The reason it's called "self-care"...you have to own and manage it.

What does this have to do with growing your confidence? Plenty.

It's been said that self-care can:

• improve your physical health

• reduce stress and anxiety

• promote self-awareness

• increase resilience

All things that, in the long run, can boost your confidence!

When you put your own health and happiness first, you're able to bring the best out in others too. Kind of like putting your oxygen mask on first.  When you're feeling cared for, you're more likely to feel better and when you feel better, you are far more likely to feel confident.

Although self-care is not one-size-fits-all,  when I checked in with some of my connections, family, and friends, the common denominator seemed to be listening to and respecting the messages your body gives you.  We live in a society that values what people think, yet there's infinite intelligence and 'knowing' within your own skin if you get quiet and pay attention to it.

No matter how you define self-care it's ultimately noticing how you show up when you make sure that you're doing something that nurtures you. Maybe you feel lighter, or you stand a little taller, feel a bit more peaceful, or carry yourself differently...feeling better will automatically help you to feel more confident

Do you know what else is cool? When you take care of yourself, you are also benefiting others!

Want to incorporate more self-care into your life?


Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Commit to one act of self-care daily.  If this seems daunting, here are some suggestions from a small, unscientific survey on self-care that I did:

• Listen to your body. Your body has so much intelligence if you learn to listen to the whispers it gives you:

  • Rest when it tells you to. Take a nap. Go to bed early.

  • Move when it tells you to. Hike, walk, do yoga, work out - whatever your body asks for - pay attention.

  • Nurture your body. Get a massage, physio, have a bubble bath, or a manicure.

• Savour some solitude.

  • Find a quiet space with a good book and read for the sheer pleasure of it.

  • Meditate.

  • Sit in nature.

• Connect.

  • First and foremost, connect with yourself.

  • Connect with those who are important to you, go for a coffee, have dinner together, or use the many forms of technology available.

  • With your universe, God, source, spirit guide, or whatever resonates for you.

• Your turn...

  • Take a moment now to think of something you currently do or maybe something you've been meaning to do as an act of self-care. How often are you doing it?

Self-care starts with YOU!  When you take time to nurture yourself, whatever that may mean for you, you're going to notice a change in how you feel about yourself and your confidence will grow. 

If you're ready to start growing your confidence Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Warmly,
Ann

Self-care…selfish? Bull Sh*t!

What's love got to do with growing your confidence?

More than you think. 

How's your inner dialogue? What do you focus on?  The negative or the positive?  Apparently, it's in our DNA to go to a negative bias first - in order for our ancestors to survive they had to imagine the worst-case scenario all of the time.  This is what kept them alive. There's not too much out there that you have to worry about when it comes to survival these days. Unfortunately, our brains have not evolved to match our reality. 

So what are you supposed to do, especially when you're working on building your confidence?  Probably the first place to check in with is inside your own head. Yep, your own inner dialogue.  How do you speak to yourself?  Like a good and trusted friend who loves you, or your worst critic? Even your critics can acknowledge your strengths...

What about those voices (don't tell me you only have one!) in your head? Maybe check in and listen. Everyone has a team up in their head.  I particularly like the term I've heard "itty bitty shitty committee"...it's funny and yet so true, those voices can be pretty distracting and disruptive. They often like to tell you stories that quite simply, aren't true. Liars and yet they can sound quite convincing at times.

Your inner dialogue is going to be projected everywhere. Think about that. You may think it's only in your head, but the way you think spills into everything you do. It's inevitable.

The things you say to yourself may have been useful once upon a time - ask yourself now. Are they still true?


What you focus on grows...

So how can you change that dialogue when it's not working for you?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

When your self-talk is not optimal, start with a pause, take a breath, and then consider the following:

• Use positive and affirming language when talking to yourself.

  • Noticing that it's not positive? That's the first step. Notice.

• Reframe negative thoughts into positive ones.

  • This doesn't mean everything is puppies and sunshine, it means checking in with your default and being curious about it.

• Acknowledge and accept your emotions, rather than criticizing yourself for having them.

  • You are human after all.  All humans are emotional beings. Some just hide it better than others.

• Challenge negative self-talk by asking for proof.

  • When it comes up, ask yourself: Is this really true? 

• Surround yourself with reminders of your strengths and successes.

  • Maybe have a screen saver on your phone that reminds you of your strengths.

Self-love starts with how you speak to yourself.  As you practice more positive self-talk, your outside world will follow suit.  You will start to notice a change in how you feel about yourself and your confidence will grow. 

Like starting any new practice - it's going to take time, baby steps.

When you're ready to change your inner dialogue Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths, and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Warmly,
Ann

What’s love got to do with growing your confidence?